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I met my girlfriend from an online site a few days after this past Thanksgiving. We hit it off from the start. She has had a very tough life. She had an incompetent mom & dad and the family moved 19 times by the time she was 20 . After high school she had a mentally abusive boyfriend- that was her only serious relationship. She also got into pot/pills for a while. A year ago she got rid of all of her friends- she wanted to start a new productive life without bad influences.
I am a lot older than her. I'm 41 and she's 25. She said she didn't have a problem with the age difference because I look younger and she always pictured herself with someone older. She was the opposite of a gold digger or materialistic but I wanted to make her life better and do whatever nice things I could for her. I love to travel- talked about going on cruises, all inclusives- anything that would make her happy. Even though she had almost no money she always had a great attitude.
she worked at a hair salon between 5-7 days a week. Besides that she did kickboxing 3 nights a week so we would only see each other 2-3 times a week. A month ago there was a stretch of 11 days in a row we didn't see each other due to her demanding schedule. She said that she started losing feelings from not seeing each other .
My parents invited me to stay at their house in Florida for 1st week in March. I asked her to come along but my parents said she cant stay in their house because they're old fashioned and don't know her good enough. It would have cost me an extra $1,000 (hotels, airfare) to have her come so I just went by myself.
While I was there she became distant with her texts and calls- I could tell something was wrong. The day after I got home from Florida she was telling me how her feeling aren't there anymore and we're on a different page with our feelings. This was a shock . Week before I left we talked about our future together and even joined gym together. I asked if she met someone else and she said she would never disrespect me like that and her main focus was always on me. She also said when we first started dating how she never in her life cheated so I trusted her 100%.
We met for dinner and talked about things. She cried the entire time that night. I didn't cry because I was more mad that she was doing this. I said we shouldn't talk so she can see if she misses me. She called it a trial break up. After a week I contacted her. We talked 1 1/2 hours. She said she was pissed off that I didn't show any emotion at dinner. She said I never did anything wrong and have been the best boyfriend she ever had but that she doesn't want this relationship and we're done. She said if the feelings aren't there- then they're not there. I'm devastated. I never got a long with somebody better and always pictured myself having kids and everything with her. I honestly never would have thought she would do this to me. I tried doing everything right.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,937 posts, read 36,948,491 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by bjr918
She said if the feelings aren't there- then they're not there. I'm devastated. I never got a long with somebody better and always pictured myself having kids and everything with her. I honestly never would have thought she would do this to me. I tried doing everything right.
I feel you on this. I'm feeling rather similarly.
But, if they're not there, they're not there. It sucks. It just sucks. Nothing, other than time, will make it better.
I met my girlfriend from an online site a few days after this past Thanksgiving. We hit it off from the start. She has had a very tough life. She had an incompetent mom & dad and the family moved 19 times by the time she was 20 . After high school she had a mentally abusive boyfriend- that was her only serious relationship. She also got into pot/pills for a while. A year ago she got rid of all of her friends- she wanted to start a new productive life without bad influences.
I am a lot older than her. I'm 41 and she's 25. She said she didn't have a problem with the age difference because I look younger and she always pictured herself with someone older. She was the opposite of a gold digger or materialistic but I wanted to make her life better and do whatever nice things I could for her. I love to travel- talked about going on cruises, all inclusives- anything that would make her happy. Even though she had almost no money she always had a great attitude.
she worked at a hair salon between 5-7 days a week. Besides that she did kickboxing 3 nights a week so we would only see each other 2-3 times a week. A month ago there was a stretch of 11 days in a row we didn't see each other due to her demanding schedule. She said that she started losing feelings from not seeing each other .
My parents invited me to stay at their house in Florida for 1st week in March. I asked her to come along but my parents said she cant stay in their house because they're old fashioned and don't know her good enough. It would have cost me an extra $1,000 (hotels, airfare) to have her come so I just went by myself.
While I was there she became distant with her texts and calls- I could tell something was wrong. The day after I got home from Florida she was telling me how her feeling aren't there anymore and we're on a different page with our feelings. This was a shock . Week before I left we talked about our future together and even joined gym together. I asked if she met someone else and she said she would never disrespect me like that and her main focus was always on me. She also said when we first started dating how she never in her life cheated so I trusted her 100%.
We met for dinner and talked about things. She cried the entire time that night. I didn't cry because I was more mad that she was doing this. I said we shouldn't talk so she can see if she misses me. She called it a trial break up. After a week I contacted her. We talked 1 1/2 hours. She said she was pissed off that I didn't show any emotion at dinner. She said I never did anything wrong and have been the best boyfriend she ever had but that she doesn't want this relationship and we're done. She said if the feelings aren't there- then they're not there. I'm devastated. I never got a long with somebody better and always pictured myself having kids and everything with her. I honestly never would have thought she would do this to me. I tried doing everything right.
She said it ain't there possibly cause you showed no emotion at dinner.
Maybe she will come around.
Dude?! Show you care!! Send flowers; "Thinking about you."
This is not the first time this sort of thing has happened to you, no?
If you're going to specifically date much younger women, you have to accept that they are quite likely to be in a different headspace than you regarding the future.
This is not the first time this sort of thing has happened to you, no?
If you're going to specifically date much younger women, you have to accept that they are quite likely to be in a different headspace than you regarding the future.
I met my girlfriend from an online site a few days after this past Thanksgiving. We hit it off from the start. She has had a very tough life. She had an incompetent mom & dad and the family moved 19 times by the time she was 20 . After high school she had a mentally abusive boyfriend- that was her only serious relationship. She also got into pot/pills for a while. A year ago she got rid of all of her friends- she wanted to start a new productive life without bad influences.
I am a lot older than her. I'm 41 and she's 25. She said she didn't have a problem with the age difference because I look younger and she always pictured herself with someone older. She was the opposite of a gold digger or materialistic but I wanted to make her life better and do whatever nice things I could for her. I love to travel- talked about going on cruises, all inclusives- anything that would make her happy. Even though she had almost no money she always had a great attitude.
she worked at a hair salon between 5-7 days a week. Besides that she did kickboxing 3 nights a week so we would only see each other 2-3 times a week. A month ago there was a stretch of 11 days in a row we didn't see each other due to her demanding schedule. She said that she started losing feelings from not seeing each other .
My parents invited me to stay at their house in Florida for 1st week in March. I asked her to come along but my parents said she cant stay in their house because they're old fashioned and don't know her good enough. It would have cost me an extra $1,000 (hotels, airfare) to have her come so I just went by myself.
While I was there she became distant with her texts and calls- I could tell something was wrong. The day after I got home from Florida she was telling me how her feeling aren't there anymore and we're on a different page with our feelings. This was a shock . Week before I left we talked about our future together and even joined gym together. I asked if she met someone else and she said she would never disrespect me like that and her main focus was always on me. She also said when we first started dating how she never in her life cheated so I trusted her 100%.
We met for dinner and talked about things. She cried the entire time that night. I didn't cry because I was more mad that she was doing this. I said we shouldn't talk so she can see if she misses me. She called it a trial break up. After a week I contacted her. We talked 1 1/2 hours. She said she was pissed off that I didn't show any emotion at dinner. She said I never did anything wrong and have been the best boyfriend she ever had but that she doesn't want this relationship and we're done. She said if the feelings aren't there- then they're not there. I'm devastated. I never got a long with somebody better and always pictured myself having kids and everything with her. I honestly never would have thought she would do this to me. I tried doing everything right.
I had a very similar situation, with a twist, but I know how you feel. I knew a girl thru friends and we became very close. I am not sure you would say we "dated" but we did everything a couple would do. We always had fun. She told me she loved me and I told her I loved her too, but because of our age difference we couldn't get too involved.
I met a woman closer my own age who I hit it off with and I decided to give it a go and see what happened. I told the girl I was going to try a relationship with the other woman and she asked me "what if I said I wanted to move in with you...what would you say?" and I said I would have to say no, because of the age difference, it would not be fair to her. She hugged me and cried on my shoulder and whispered "I hate you...why do you have to be so much older?" and it broke my heart. I told her I understood but it had to be that way. She hasn't spoken to me since I dropped her off at home that night.
I miss her. Looking back on it I wish I would have said what the hell and just done it. What's the worst that could have happened? I fell in love and in ten years or so when I started looking my age, she would have left for someone else. At least I would have had ten good years and I could have been a good provider for her and gotten her thru college and started in a good career. A win-win for us both. BUT...I listened to my big head for once instead of the little head, and now I am in the same boat as you.
My opinoin. If she still talks to you, make the sales pitch to her. Tell her you love her and want to see what happens. I wouldn't mention kids, marriage or anything that permanent. You have nothing to lose. Good luck.
Totally agree with this. Attraction is just one piece of the puzzle. It's nice that you are attracted to her, but you have to look at the big picture, which includes her history and her mental/emotional health. Those things aren't stable for her right now, and by dating her you've now signed up for the consequences of that. You really need to be dating someone closer to your age, 30 at least, and learn to spot and avoid red flags in women.
I've learned, sometimes doing your best just isn't good enough; such is life.
Shake it off and move on to your next devastation
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