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New member here from CA, I have browsed these forums recently and find them very valuable and open minded for the most part, so here is my dilemma.
I'm 18 and I am gay (not that it should matter, it's just easier to announce that so I can refer to him as "him") I have had 1 other relationship in my limited life, I know this may sound dumb but at 18 I already know what I wan't and that is something meaningful and long lasting, I tried the club scene 1 time and 1 time only right after turning 18 and I know that life is not for me at all.
One thing about me that makes it really hard for me to find a good potential partner is I'm the type of guy that is gay but doesn't let it define me, I don't do the scene or come across the slightest bit feminine, I'm just a regular 18 year old guy that likes cars, working out, hanging with his friends that usual stuff.
So 1 week ago today I met a guy on an online dating app, after going through the usual BS like guys twice as old as me messaging me and the like I get a message from this 21 year old guy and we talk end up exchanging phone numbers, we face timed right away just to validate each other's identities and have since talked on the phone every single day the last 7 days usually anywhere from 5-7 hours per day and when we are not talking we are texting constantly.
From all we have talked about this guy is like a 100% perfect match, he's the same personality type as I am, he can't stand the stereotypical gay stuff and is very masculine but also is not ashamed of being gay or introducing his potential bf to everyone he knows.
Long story short, we both live only 15 miles from each other, I know it seems ridiculous that we have done all that talking without meeting but honestly we wanted to really just keep letting things escalate then finally meet, so today is the day we are going to hangout and he says he wants to make this official today.
Does anyone here believe relationships like this can work, and that you really can totally fall for someone before actually having that in person meeting, or am I just a dumb naive kid? This guy honestly makes me smile 24/7 and I haven't even quite met him yet but at the same time now I am extremely nervous and almost terrified of this afternoon because I want reality to live up to everything we have setup by talking.
Sorry for the long post just hoping for some good answers!
New member here from CA, I have browsed these forums recently and find them very valuable and open minded for the most part, so here is my dilemma.
I'm 18 and I am gay (not that it should matter, it's just easier to announce that so I can refer to him as "him") I have had 1 other relationship in my limited life, I know this may sound dumb but at 18 I already know what I wan't and that is something meaningful and long lasting, I tried the club scene 1 time and 1 time only right after turning 18 and I know that life is not for me at all.
One thing about me that makes it really hard for me to find a good potential partner is I'm the type of guy that is gay but doesn't let it define me, I don't do the scene or come across the slightest bit feminine, I'm just a regular 18 year old guy that likes cars, working out, hanging with his friends that usual stuff.
So 1 week ago today I met a guy on an online dating app, after going through the usual BS like guys twice as old as me messaging me and the like I get a message from this 21 year old guy and we talk end up exchanging phone numbers, we face timed right away just to validate each other's identities and have since talked on the phone every single day the last 7 days usually anywhere from 5-7 hours per day and when we are not talking we are texting constantly.
From all we have talked about this guy is like a 100% perfect match, he's the same personality type as I am, he can't stand the stereotypical gay stuff and is very masculine but also is not ashamed of being gay or introducing his potential bf to everyone he knows.
Long story short, we both live only 15 miles from each other, I know it seems ridiculous that we have done all that talking without meeting but honestly we wanted to really just keep letting things escalate then finally meet, so today is the day we are going to hangout and he says he wants to make this official today.
Does anyone here believe relationships like this can work, and that you really can totally fall for someone before actually having that in person meeting, or am I just a dumb naive kid? This guy honestly makes me smile 24/7 and I haven't even quite met him yet but at the same time now I am extremely nervous and almost terrified of this afternoon because I want reality to live up to everything we have setup by talking.
Sorry for the long post just hoping for some good answers!
I believe this kind of situation works as extreme infatuation. There's no way you can know each other well enough to guarantee that this will be "meaningful and long lasting."
So now you've built up this exciting anticipation about your meeting. But you still need to TAKE YOUR TIME and get to know each other.
You run the risk of trying to make this guy fit your expectations about what you (think you) want and ignoring real warning signs because so much of what you've seen in the last week ***seems*** perfect.
I believe this kind of situation works as extreme infatuation. There's no way you can know each other well enough to guarantee that this will be "meaningful and long lasting."
So now you've built up this exciting anticipation about your meeting. But you still need to TAKE YOUR TIME and get to know each other.
You run the risk of trying to make this guy fit your expectations about what you (think you) want and ignoring real warning signs because so much of what you've seen in the last week ***seems*** perfect.
What, exactly, would you be making official?
Slow your roll.
Thanks for the advice, I know it probably would be a good idea to slow my roll but does all the talking leading up to today count for something? I mean if he's the same in person than I shouldn't have much to fear
Thanks for the advice, I know it probably would be a good idea to slow my roll but does all the talking leading up to today count for something? I mean if he's the same in person than I shouldn't have much to fear
See, you've already convinced yourself that he is IT.
When in reality all you've done is spend hours together on your best behavior getting to know each other trying to impress each other. You're riding a wave of giddiness right now that will hit the shore at some point.
Something similar happened to me. I'm a woman, 21.
I fell for a guy I started talking to on facebook....we talked CONSTANTLY but never met.
It continued for three years until it just stopped. We were never bf/gf though. I believe I was more infatuated and in love with idea of being in love, having a bf, and I projected it onto him. I was hurt and felt lonely afterwards but I got passed it. Sort of lol. I won't allow myself to get like that again though. Some people can make things like that work but it's unlikely.
Most people usually want someone near by and end up with someone close to them. However, 15 miles isn't that bad. I'm sure you two can meet up and figure something out if you like one another.
Thanks for the advice, I know it probably would be a good idea to slow my roll but does all the talking leading up to today count for something? I mean if he's the same in person than I shouldn't have much to fear
There is nothing that can compare to one on one, real face time with a possible new partner. There are the smells, touches, subtle nuances and gestures that add to the chemistry that will or wont be there.
Each will be able to notice how the other reacts in conversation, how the surroundings effect , if any, your interactions (example, if you are at a restaurant, dose one have a roving eye), etc....
Yep. You have a case of the over-expectations.....
".....and have since talked on the phone every single day the last 7 days usually anywhere from 5-7 hours per day and when we are not talking we are texting constantly".
When I read this part of your posting, I was shocked. That is an extraordinary amount of time to be spending talking and texting on the phone to someone. Do you guys do anything else during the day besides talking to one another? I don't mean that to sound sarcastic. It is just that it sounds like both of you have put your lives on hold for the other one. What is going to happen if one or the other of you isn't able to continue to communicate as much? Since you both have already built that expectation of having that much "talk/text" time, won't it bother you if something comes up and you aren't able to do it as much?
You are fairly new in getting involved with someone romantically. Keep in mind that during the first few encounters, months, etc. sometimes to make a favorable impression we present ourselves in a favorable light. You really do not know this man that well even though it may seem like it because you have spent so much time talking. It was, however, over a short duration. You need more time to really get to know someone a lot better than talking and texting on the phone. There may be a bunch of things about him which you really don't care for and you won't know about until you are with him. And you won't necessarily find them out during your first meeting with one another.
I do wish you the best of luck. Main thing is like someone else advised...slow down some.
Thanks for the advice, I know it probably would be a good idea to slow my roll but does all the talking leading up to today count for something? I mean if he's the same in person than I shouldn't have much to fear
It counts for something, in terms of getting to know each other on a superficial level. You don't know what lurks below the surface, though. People can be full of surprises. They can seem cool, or fun, or nice and sweet, but they can carry baggage. Sometimes--scary baggage. Don't give your heart and all your hopes and dreams to this person until you're able to get to know him better.
And yes, "dumb, naive kid". lol But most of us went through that at some point. It's a learning curve. Please be careful. Don't rush into anything.
Thanks for all the advice everyone, I know that I need to just tone it down and meet this guy and figure it out a day at a time.
And to answer a previous question in a way it is like I have put my life on hold but not really, allow me to explain myself, I still am getting all my obligations and stuff done but I am kind of walking around glued to my phone, and rushing to reply as soon as I get to a stoplight when driving all that stuff. So I would say my life is still continuing on but it's like I'm making that a huge priority, not sure yet whether that is good or bad, it just is what it is.
Oh and as far as the amount of communication and possibly being let down, somehow so far we've made it work he has even called and talked to me while at dinner with friends and vice versa.
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