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I married an ex-prostitute. It's not something I expect most people to understand or accept, but we are very happy. Our relationship is very intimate and, believe it or not, wholesome.
My first wife was not an ex-prostitute and the emotional component of my relationship with my second wife is much deeper and more meaningful than it was with my first wife.
Before rushing to any judgements I would ask you to consider that prostitutes are human beings, too, that they are not one "monolithic" category of man-hating, burned out fiends, of "dirty" women undeserving of any kind of second chance or redemption.
Frankly, I believe this attitude has at least as much to do with the view of men toward prostitution as anything else, in the sense that men look at prostitutes as little more than sex objects, sexual organs for rent. How many men would consider that a prostitute could be a multi-faceted human being who fell on hard times, or simply made a mistake?
There are many different reasons why women turn to prostitution, and some of them are desperate for a way out.
My wife and I are honest to each other about her former life, but she very much wants to distance herself from it both in practice and emotionally. It was a very trying part of her life and the fact that women who fall into prostitution are so universally stigmatized was a huge burden for her when whe tried to move on.
My wife never did drugs and is highly educated. As far as the understandable issue of marrying a woman who had sex with so many men, it is something I had to accept.
On the other had, she was always very careful when she was working as a prostitute and always engaged in safe sex. She had regular doctor's visits and has no STD's.
Now that she is out of prostitution and married she is fearsomely faithful and loyal, because she knows how deeply she can trust and depend on me to love and cherish her and protect her from the overwhelming stigma that her former profession represents.
In that very strange way the fact that she was once a prostitute has bonded us more deeply and has played a major role in our dedication to each other.
As far as our sex lives, she is a very genuinely sexual woman. She enjoys sex very naturally, in a very normal way, not in an artificial way, like a porn star. She told me that having sex with the man she loves is completely different than doing it for her work, and that is why, she says, she is not burned out sexually.
Again, I don't expect most to understand any of this, simply because of the understanable stigma associated with prostitution.
Don't get me wrong, I don't think prostitution is attractive in any way, and neiher does she. Never in my wildest dream would I have imagined marrying a woman who was once a prostitute.
But I love her as a woman and a human being. Many men fall in love and marry women who made mistakes and led destructive lifestyles.
She has so many qualities. She is very intelligent and hard-working. She is well-read and creative. The fact that she went through such a horrifying period of her life and made it out has, in fact, given her a depth of spirit and resilience that most people would be happy to have.
This is how it turned out in our case and not only are we genuinely happy, but the fact that she once worked in this business has played a role in keeping us more bonded to each other.
Hi Manray,
You sound incredibly happy and I would like to ask for advice based on your experience. I hope you are able to help me.
I met my ex gf some 2 years ago... She always struck me as a "girl on the run" from something, she is 27. Could never put my finger on it, but I since found out that she was involved in working as a prostitute before meeting me. Her behaviours were quite distorted, but she is an amazing woman and I know she is trying to get over her past. She ran away from me some 6 times, the last time was the final.
I do think she loved me but she did not like to talk emotions and I think once she realized she was more in love it was as if she had to run.
How do I help her? Are you willing to discuss this privately?
Definitely NOT. I actually researched a topic close to this in a sociology class in college, and there were some seriously disturbing findings, mainly that, and nobody really knows why this happens, but it seems that when a 'John' ends up marrying a prostitute, often times the prostitute ends up killing the husband, typically when the husband is sleeping. It's been documented many times across the country over the years. My guess as to why this occurs is that these women have been victimized by so much horrible abuse going back to their childhood (physical, sexual, incestuous, drugs, you name it), that many of them have many more deep seated psychological issues than what may appear on the surface. And for a woman like that, marrying somebody is the last thing she should be doing. And any guy would be out of his mind to marry somebody like that.
At least she is skilled and possibly a professional in her field?
Isn't that good? Knows all the tricks?
Its not about that for me, there are alot of women with those skills anyway. Its more about the serious emotional and psychological bagage/ issues.
For the record I would never sleep with a hooker either, but thats another thread lol.
Many people say no, but what if you don't know a person true past. Too many people have hidden pasts' and does not reveal the real deal. People lie because they know how their past will keep them from moving forward. If you find true love, embrace it and aide her/him through the process.
I think it is definitely situational. I am sure there are plenty of prostitutes that are clean and were safe also like the ones that are in Nevada that have abide by regulations and do it legally. Now if they are an addict that supplied there drugs through paid sex I don't think I could come to a rationalize marriage with that one.
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