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Men initiate and women react to that initiation. A relationship rests on the males shoulders, if he does nothing she does nothing. Why? Because women are not, what's the word... Predators/pursuers/dominant.
The "it takes two people to make a relationship work" saying is complete rubbish.
Of course it takes two. There are two people in the relationship, so it takes two. Women are just as responsible for the well-being of the relationship as men are. Why wouldn't they be?
I think what the OP means is that after initiating the relationship, there's usually a spontaneous response from the woman. After a certain point, initiating is mutual. Most women like sex as much as men do, and react enthusiastically to being in a relationship, assuming the guy treats her well. And that didn't really happen in the OP's case, except a little in the beginning, but he said that ended very quickly.
Of course it takes two. There are two people in the relationship, so it takes two. Women are just as responsible for the well-being of the relationship as men are. Why wouldn't they be?
If he hadn't approached, if he becomes complacent, if he doesn't "sweep her off of her feet," then nothing happens because SHE looses interest.
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Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth
I think what the OP means is that after initiating the relationship, there's usually a spontaneous response from the woman. After a certain point, initiating is mutual. Most women like sex as much as men do, and react enthusiastically to being in a relationship, assuming the guy treats her well. And that didn't really happen in the OP's case, except a little in the beginning, but he said that ended very quickly.
Yes, she retaliates if she is interested. If she is not, nothing happens.
If he hadn't approached, if he becomes complacent, if he doesn't "sweep her off of her feet," then nothing happens because SHE looses interest.
Yes, she retaliates if she is interested. If she is not, nothing happens.
And as we've seen, if she doesn't respond in kind, he loses interest. Relationships are a two-way street. And btw, the feet-sweeping thing is usually a red flag for women. "Too much, too soon" smacks of a hidden agenda, usually.
And as we've seen, if she doesn't respond in kind, he loses interest. Relationships are a two-way street.
In the OP's case, he is still chasing because he is either conditioned to "not let his princess go" or is too naive to realize that she's probably already gone. Could be a mixture of the two, guys like him aren't rare.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth
And btw, the feet-sweeping thing is usually a red flag for women. "Too much, too soon" smacks of a hidden agenda, usually.
If you mean "feet-sweeping" by she gets interested really fast, then no you cannot logically determine what she would do because attraction speaks in an area from which logic, and commonly reason, are thrown out the window. When you discuss attraction, you must talk in the form of attraction- not logic.
It's like if a person says they like "x" but end up going for "y." Doesn't make sense because it shouldn't.
In the OP's case, he is still chasing because he is either conditioned to "not let his princess go" or is too naive to realize that she's probably already gone. Could be a mixture of the two, guys like him aren't rare.
Yeah, I don't know why the OP is hanging on, in the face of what he describes, and I don't seem to be the only one. "Conditioning", eh? Is that a thing?
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Originally Posted by Frayzer;
If you mean "feet-sweeping" by she gets interested really fast, then no you cannot logically determine what she would do because attraction speaks in an area from which logic, and commonly reason, are thrown out the window. When you discuss attraction, you must talk in the form of attraction- not logic.
It's like if a person says they like "x" but end up going for "y." Doesn't make sense because it shouldn't.
No, I mean women who have much experience, or who have watched their friends fall into that trap generally know better than to fall for the "sweeping her off her feet" routine.
OP, I ddn't read past your OP but if the sex is an issue already then it will become an even bigger issue as time goes by. I would never stay with a man who couldn't meet my sexual needs.
It's normal to want sex and it's ok to move on if those needs are not being met.
Lilac is usually pretty spot on with the stats, as I don't know the exact percentages, but enough to realize that I wasn't alone when I was younger and wondered why women didn't O through the thunderstick alone.....
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Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth
Have you tried oral? Will she allow oral? Some women don't like it.
OP, is she on oral contraceptives or anti-depressants? Either one can kill the drive.
I have no idea what either one of you is talking about.
OP: Your relationship is, and for a long time has been, broken and you need to have a real, honest to God conversation with her. And for God's sake, do NOT ask how you can please her. If you feel yourself starting to ask her that, just break up with her. You're admitting that you're unhappy because you know she's unhappy. So, what should you talk about instead?
Your relationship. Not your relations (as infrequent as they may be). It seems to me that you are trying to have a relationship that would be appropriate for a 21 year old but you're 28. In your post, you talk about sex, anniversary gifts, countdowns, and doing "little things" to make each other happy. All of that is important but what do you want? Don't say sex. What does she want? Don't say not sex.
That's the conversation you need to have. You need to figure out what you're in this relationship for. Where is it going (not the bedroom). I don't think she's bored, that would imply that she got bored at some point. I think she realized early on that you two were on vastly different pages relationship wise but stuck with it because...um...who the hell knows...whatever the reason, she's never been fully engaged in it and the sex you have had has probably been more of a chore than an act of love like it's supposed to be, at least for her.
BTW, the countdown wasn't a warning to expect something awesome, it was a hint that you should do something awesome. When do you have sex? After an argument. Why? Because she's excited. Take the hint! Until you can fix it, excite her! Sweep her off her feet! Make it a night she'll never forget and you won't regret it.
I just met her for a drink… i told sex is still an issue with us and that things hasnt changed since the last conversation we had. Shes also going to get a different job by the end of the month (she s gonna work all Fridays, all Saturdays and all Sundays - days im free of work, so i said how it gonna affect us, and when are we gonna see each other? She said she s gonna be tired and we are going to have to adjust/adapt to this situation. I said things hasnt changes since the last time we were talking about the lack of sex life and then I said we have to try something else in order to make it work.
She said we wont try anything anymore, that we are not compatible and she is breaking up with me. She also said how i did not invite her to move in with me (i got my own place 3 months ago, but i did not invite her since, she came to my place so rarely - once per month so i really did not think about it, it just doesnt make sense, plus we never had a conversation about it anyway. i always thought stuff like that happens when one of the partner constantly sleep/spend nights over at the others partners place. And then you have a conversation about it? is my view about it crooked? i dont know what to think anymore?
She said how everyone at home (her family) was expecting that im gonna suggest to her to move in with me. On the other hand she said how Im always making plans and she hates planes ands stuff like that. Of course i have to make plans, im a busy man. She said at this age and at this stage of relationship i should think differently, and that our relationship should progress – we should have move in together and that her plan is to have a baby in a year or two because shes 28 now.
Talking about plans??? We never had that conversation.
When i said we havent had sex for another month she said 'DISASTER'.. I asked her what is her issue with sex, she said to me she has none, i asked her does she even like it she said yes, i asked her is it true she has never experienced an orgasm with any bf, she said Yes. I asked her do you even enjoy having sex with me, she said yes, and WHY EVERYONE IS ASKING THAT QUESTION WHEN RELATIONSHIP IS OVER?! she also said she sensed that Im not happy with relationship anymore and that we have a crisis for 4 months now. i told her i feel unwanted and unloved and she didt say anything about that.
She was also talking to me pretty emotionless - like she is not even sad, like shes saying goodbye in the Wallmart not to the bf of over a year.. She said that how she is that she is like a switch...
So yeah, she dumped me in the end, making me look like a bad guy for not suggesting to move in with me. At the same time she always had problem to come to my place and/or have sex with me. Its over now. I feel stupid, I bet if this wasnt my first relationship Id end it sooner. Dont know what to think anymore. Im afraid I m gonna blame myself for losing her. ://
then tell my why there were almost non - existing sex from the beginning of relationship when attraction is the strongest?? 4 times in first 5 months? And why should be the man always the one who do everything - from beginning till the end. For relationship to work there needs to be 2 people to make some effort...
btw tnx for putting extra salt on my wounds...
You tell us why, she is your girlfriend and after this amount of time being together you should have been able to have an open discussion with her long ago about this.
The way you talk it appears you only want her to be at your place to have sex and nothing else.
So keep the situation the way it is or move on, your decision and only you to blame if you continue in this relationship with no changes being made.
alright OP, well now u can move on to someone that is more compatible with u. Go NC and forget her.
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