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Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by skinsguy37
Anyways, long story short, I found my match.
Well congratulations. You found your match, so it isn't a problem for you. Plenty of people find that the other person isn't a match, so it becomes a problem.
This is a fairly simple concept.
Quote:
Originally Posted by skinsguy37
Having said that, I go back and question what is sexual compatibility and why is it so important in a dating relationship? If it's THAT important, why did it work out for me and my wife? Maybe we got "lucky" and guessed right? Who knows?
Because being with someone you aren't compatible with sexually makes no sense. Be friends, but don't be partners.
It worked out for you and your wife because you are compatible.
Well congratulations. You found your match, so it isn't a problem for you. Plenty of people find that the other person isn't a match, so it becomes a problem.
This is a fairly simple concept.
Quote:
Originally Posted by timberline742
Because being with someone you aren't compatible with sexually makes no sense. Be friends, but don't be partners.
It worked out for you and your wife because you are compatible.
It is simple.
I would venture to guess that it's a fairly simple concept if you're dating is more in terms for recreation and not so much for finding a spouse. However, if one dates to find love and marriage, I'd say it's not such a simple concept, because the sex could really play a number on that person emotionally.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,938 posts, read 36,935,179 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by skinsguy37
I would venture to guess that it's a fairly simple concept if you're dating is more in terms for recreation and not so much for finding a spouse. However, if one dates to find love and marriage, I'd say it's not such a simple concept, because the sex could really play a number on that person emotionally.
Nope. It is still a simple concept because most people would not marry someone they're not sexually compatible with. Love and trying can't always fix compatibility, or be enough for two people to be compatible. They may be, but lots of times they aren't.
But there are also parameters that fall outside the norm with compatibility. You can have all the "compatibility" as defined by most of the other responses here, but still not be quite right for each other. One example is when the drive is not equal. You can have amazing, intense passionate sex, but one wants it every day, multiple times per day and the other a few times per week. I dated a woman who literally never shut down and while I've always been able to wear out and simmer down any past partner, I could not keep up with her and doubt many men would. But when we did have sex, it was very compatible.
So, let's say that there is nothing wrong in the bedroom department, everything is perfect! In fact, this is the only woman who has ever satisfied your every sexual desire and then some. So, she's perfect for you in terms of that. But, let's say you two don't agree on, some other dealbreaker. Is the sex enough to keep her around, or do you cut her loose?
Nope. It is still a simple concept because most people would not marry someone they're not sexually compatible with. Love and trying can't always fix compatibility, or be enough for two people to be compatible. They may be, but lots of times they aren't.
Wait, so...you're saying that sex would be more important than love in the relationship?
Nope. It is still a simple concept because most people would not marry someone they're not sexually compatible with. Love and trying can't always fix compatibility, or be enough for two people to be compatible. They may be, but lots of times they aren't.
Love and trying cannot fix a lack of compatibility, but in the case of a marriage between two people who practice abstinence until marriage, compatibility is a matter of creating expectations. Plenty of these marriages do just fine because both members are learning themselves and their partner and don't have any holdover expectations (sexually) from previous relationships. In other words, compatibility is something people can grow into if other conditions are right.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,938 posts, read 36,935,179 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by iknowftbll
Love and trying cannot fix a lack of compatibility, but in the case of a marriage between two people who practice abstinence until marriage, compatibility is a matter of creating expectations. Plenty of these marriages do just fine because both members are learning themselves and their partner and don't have any holdover expectations (sexually) from previous relationships. In other words, compatibility is something people can grow into if other conditions are right.
Sure, absolutely. There is a lot of truth to ignorance is bliss. I'd rather be informed and not blissful, myself. Each to their own.
And as I said before though, it is kind of sad when I meet (and it is common) someone that was married 10-20 years and now divorced and they realize that now they're back in the dating scene that they spent those 10-20 years having horrible sex and didn't know it.
Sure, absolutely. There is a lot of truth to ignorance is bliss. I'd rather be informed and not blissful, myself. Each to their own.
And as I said before though, it is kind of sad when I meet (and it is common) someone that was married 10-20 years and now divorced and they realize that now they're back in the dating scene that they spent those 10-20 years having horrible sex and didn't know it.
On the other hand there are a lot of marriages where both partners have never known anything different and don't care to. This isn't a matter of "ignorance is bliss." It's a matter of contentment.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,938 posts, read 36,935,179 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by iknowftbll
On the other hand there are a lot of marriages where both partners have never known anything different and don't care to. This isn't a matter of "ignorance is bliss." It's a matter of contentment.
Eh, I would say that is ignorance is bliss. They know nothing else (are ignorant to everything else) so they are content. That's their choice, but lets call it what it is.
I'm sure there are millions of women out there that were content with their sex lives in a marriage and never experienced an orgasm and just never knew any different/better, so they thought it was all fine.
If they're ok with that, fine, but its not something that should be celebrated.
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