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I have been friends with this guy since I was at university with him 12 years ago. When we met we were with other people and he went on to marry his girlfriend, we are now in our mid thirties and nothing, and I mean zero has ever happened between us and back in the day we had plenty of oppertunity got drunk together, stayed up all night talking crap but never even an awkward moment. I'm not saying I never had a confused moment in the very early days of our friendship but it was only ever passing, I never got the feeling he liked me in that way, I have to say I am not any man's idea of pretty and have never had men after me, ever!
So now we meet up a couple of times a month, have dinner see a play or a band chat, we don't stay out late or drink anymore its all very grown up, mostly. You see he has this friend another guy, single our age who we sometimes bump into a concerts and hang with during and after. He is single and a nice guy, normally after I would have to head off quick to get home but this one time last year I had time to go for a quick drink after the concert with both of them before heading home and while in the pub I got talking to this guy and we hit it off he's a funny guy and he made me laugh. At this point my friend started acting weird sort of talking loudly over this other guy, trying to be funny but it was just weird. I could have read the situation wrong but in the moment my feeling was omg he's jealous that I am hitting it off with his friend and is trying to get my attention back. At that point I have to leave anyway but I was just freaked out at what had happened.
Since then I have noticed we are avoiding this other guy, except my friend talks about him a lot to me I think trying to gauge my interest level maybe, certainly telling me unflattering stories about his friend. Anyway tonight we were out and did meet up with him and again went for a drink after and the same stuff happened again when I got talking to his friend my friend started acting out trying to get my attention, to be funny talking over the other guy, like he was jealous or something. What is going on, I the last woman to imagine men vying for my attention because, it doesn't happen and yet that is what seems to be happening here.
I guess I should just ignore this but would like to know this competitiveness is it just male ego or does my friend have some kind of feeling for me? Perhaps it is just that I am important to him as a friend, he was always weird about me seeing his friends when where first friends and forbade me to date any of them, but you know that was years ago.
I thought our platonic friendship was so enlightened but now I am not so sure.
Your friend is married, right? So it doesn't matter if he has feelings for you, because he's married. So just assume it's male ego, a little bit of territorial nature, maybe. And by all means, get the other guy's number, so you two can get to know each other! What are you waiting for? lol Your friend isn't a true friend if he doesn't have your happiness and best interests at heart.
Yes he is married, I think perhaps male ego or primal about competing with another man over a female attention its just weird cause it's never happened to me before so I am bemused and freaked out by the whole thing! I am sure most women have seen that sort of thing go on before their eyes since they were teenagers so to them it would be like water of a ducks back to them but this first time anything like this has happened to me at the matronly age of 36!
I will try to get his friends number and see how it goes but I'm going to have to ask my friend for it and I know he is not going to be ok with it for whatever reason he has.
Yes he is married, I think perhaps male ego or primal about competing with another man over a female attention its just weird cause it's never happened to me before so I am bemused and freaked out by the whole thing! I am sure most women have seen that sort of thing go on before their eyes since they were teenagers so to them it would be like water of a ducks back to them but this first time anything like this has happened to me at the matronly age of 36!
I will try to get his friends number and see how it goes but I'm going to have to ask my friend for it and I know he is not going to be ok with it for whatever reason he has.
You might not have to ask your friend for it. (I wouldn't, if I were you.) I'd ask the guy for it the next time you two run into him. Or look him up on facebook. If I were you, I'd have found him on facebook and/or LinkedIn by now already, just out of curiosity.
I'm not on facebook or any social media for that matter. I have no idea when I will see him again, also as I say I am not the best at coming forward. I will have to grow a pair and ask him
I'm not on facebook or any social media for that matter. I have no idea when I will see him again, also as I say I am not the best at coming forward. I will have to grow a pair and ask him
Set up a FB page temporarily, so you can message him. You don't have to put a lot of info on it, just put up the minimum so you can open a page. Then take it down when you no longer need it for that. Just say "hi" to him, and say you had fun talking to him the other night. See what happens. It's better than asking your friend for the number. He might not give it to you. Who knows how he'll react? He might start saying bad things about you to his friend, like he did to you already. I'd go through FB.
I'll take a look at facebook then and hope that my friend is ok with things.
He probably won't be entirely ok, but you might have to simply ask him in a friendly manner, what his problem is. AFTER you've contacted the other guy, and gotten a friendly response, and have maybe met him at least once. IF any of that happens at all. Because it seems like you can't count on your friend to not sabotage this, which is definitely weird, but it's reality. Maybe he likes the fantasy that you're some sort of a girlfriend orbiting around him. It's not a very nice way to be, for a friend.
yeah the whole thing is weird, I do have to talk to him about it, but I see your point about trying to establish contact with his friend first.
Good luck!
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