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There are several reasons why marriage and other relationships don't work out. Hopefully, people will get some smarts and actually find out what a person's good, bad and ugly are before jumping into something serious; you know, take it slooooow.
My ex wanted a divorce after being married almost 20 years. One main reason is she had never been just "her". She went from "Dick and Jane's" daughter, to being my wife at age 19, to Mama to our kids. She's never had just a "Me" time in her life. She wondered about how she would do not depending on anybody. I'll have to say she's done a good job.
He just wants physical affection mostly, a kiss and a hug. He told me last night he hasn't had sex in a year at least and she won't even hold his hand in public. He's frustrated, he's tried to help her, he's trying to get into counseling, she does seem cold on everything. I told him something might have happened to her after having the 2nd child, and he agrees, but she refuses to get help.
The hell is he going to do? What he's going through IS hell.
Oh, wow. That just sucks. No milder way to put it. I feel bad for the guy. It's one thing to be single and not have sex for a while. But to be married and have no physical affection at all, from someone you love, who is the other parent of your children, with whom you built a life and live under the same roof?
Yeah, that's the kiss of death.
Sad to say, she has probably already checked out of the marriage on some level if it has been that long. Heck, takes a lot less than that for a lot of people to check out. For me, unless there is something huge going on like a close family member has died or someone has lost a job or has gotten a horrible diagnosis, if it gets to 3 weeks, it's because I'm on my way out.
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Originally Posted by dizzybint
Marrying in haste.
In most cases, yes. But sometimes it works out. I worked with someone who was engaged within 5 months of getting together with her husband, and they've been together for 8 years so far. My ex-hub knocked someone up within 2 months of meeting her, and they were married about a year later. He's still married, as far as I know.
Then there are people like my ex-SO, whose fiancee is about to make the biggest mistake of her life. She hasn't had a chance to see what he is. It took him about 4 years to show me, and people like him (narcissists) don't change. She doesn't know his family very well, either. Poor thing.
I disagree with divorce being an option. It is definitely not supposed to be an option except in extenuating circumstances such as physical violence, infidelity etc. Marriage is a lifetime commitment, that is it's very definition. If you don't want to give someone that commitment it's very simple, just have a relationship without the marriage part. A ton of people do that. A lot of people get married because that is what they feel they have to do per societal expectations. Some people just want to show off with a big event. And others ignore red flags in the relationship and continue with the marriage because they don't really care.
Most people have a herd mentality because they don't want to be the one that is going against the mainstream, such people are generally looked down upon, so they go along with the herd hence the marriage option.
All I can really say at this point, is he's brought up divorce to his friends a few times now, and how he's going to get the kids. Women are dropping hints that he's picking up left and right that they want to do "stuff." He's an RN, working in a field that is mostly dominated by women, and I bet the stress these women go through on there jobs builds up, so I can only imagine the "stuff" he's hearing from them.
But he's faithful. I don't know how much longer faithful is going to last, but as of this post he hasn't, and probably won't give in.
Seriously, he's basically calling her a best friend that he lives with. I can't really relate to what he's going through, and I haven't had any affection from a woman in about 4 years.
I'm only 22 with limited but intense sexual desires. Never have been in a relationship. What's up with teens becoming couples but breaking up? And divorce is alien to me.
People break-up for various reasons. Some are on the road to self-discovery. Some young love romances survive into waay later in adulthood. Depends on the two individual people and the level of mutual attraction, commitment, affection, meaning, loyalty and regard they have towards one another.
And, some are just in it for the sex, even if they are a couple- they treat each other like they are good-for-now.
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