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Ive never cheated and would never do it, consciously. Cheating to me, is very cut and dry black/white, regardless of the circumstances; its a nonnegotiable dealbreaker. Period. Have a nice life. Goodbye
No, no cheating. If I declare my love to someone then I mean it, exclusive. If there is something wrong in the relationship then it's either to be fixed and worked on or to end. Cheating is just so unfair and unnecessary on so many levels.
Finally the reality people rule the thread, I like it. Stuff is not always black and white. In my opinion, the person who withholds sex, or doesn't listen to the partner's needs at all is even WORSE than the person cheating, but I know many of you will never understand this.
Finally the reality people rule the thread, I like it. Stuff is not always black and white. In my opinion, the person who withholds sex, or doesn't listen to the partner's needs at all is even WORSE than the person cheating, but I know many of you will never understand this.
I can totally understand this, but for me, when it gets to the point that I want to cheat, I know the relationship is over.
I have a friend whose wife cheated on him twice. The only reason she stopped is because he caught her, and the only reason she "wants to work it out" is because she could never live independently on her own. She's basically a child and the prospect of having to be on her own scares her. I'm actually really disappointed in hi and have lost respect for him for not being strong enough to kick her to the curb (for his part, he is afraid of change) and I fully expect her to do it again if given the opportunity.
I realize that there are reasons that people cheat, and I don't believe "once a cheater, always a cheater." But I do believe that if someone is cheating, that isn't the relationship for them, and it's going to be hard if not impossible to work it out.
I told my mistress that our 'relationship' had to end.
I had reached the point where I no longer knew the person that was looking back at me from the mirror.
I was going to let my wife know of my infidelity, and my mistress decided SHE'D let her know.
Mistress C - we'll call her, phoned my wife - (they didn't know each other) and she informed my wife (MW) of the affair. My wife called me up and dropped the 'Are you having an affair' question on me, and my only answer I could give her was, 'Yes'...
Needless to say the next few minutes of 'conversation' weren't very pleasant.
It was a horrible time in my life - not only because I had gotten caught - that actually helped - as I was then able to stop the lying, the cheating, the deceiving, and was able to come clean with all that I had done.
I love my wife very much - more today than yesterday. I'm just now starting to like the person that's now appearing in the mirror, as he's the person I was before I strolled off track.
I'm VERY fortunate that MW has forgiven me and continues to love me.
As I type this and re-read it, tears fill my eyes as I ask myself how I could have ever done to her and to us, what I have done. And some of those sad tears are replaced with tears of joy, knowing MW does still love me despite of myself.
Yes, cheaters need to take responsibility for their choice to do so. IMO, cheating is never the right thing to do, there are always other choices.
Generally speaking, it's the problem that exists in todays world: Nobody takes responsibility for their own actions, it's always someone else's fault.
Accountability is an endangered species. If more people would own up to their actions, they would find themselves in a better position to receive forgiveness. If it's someone else's fault, forgiveness to that person isn't an option... it wasn't their fault. But it was...
Over the past few months in dealing with my own bad judgments, I feel as if my admitting to my errors - discussing my selfish acts, have drawn me closer to forgiving myself. As I've said numerous times, the affair wasn't even CLOSE to be worth it... The damage I've done to my wife, and to others, was much more damaging than the 'thrill' of the affair... If I could go back in time, I never would have done the things I've done - or told the lies or the deceit I created. It was nobody's fault but my own, and I'm stronger today for taking responsibility than I would have been had I blamed someone or something else.
Yes, cheaters need to take responsibility for their choice to do so. IMO, cheating is never the right thing to do, there are always other choices.
True. Once you start cheating, the relationship is kinda over anyway. Better break it off with the current partner and break their heart is better as hanging in there but being unhappy and cheating. If you are together for many years and your partner just doesn't want to sleep with you for no (medical) reason at all and emotionally neglects you all together, you should break it off and not cheat.
However, there are people who just can't stay with one person only ever.
I haven't cheated on my husband but he's had other women do so and I completely understand why it's so hard to just be honest, why it happened, what they were thinking, etc. I'm different, I'm rather stubborn about it really. I tell him that what makes me angry is this supposition that, should I leave him, it could only possibly happen because another man picked up the piece from the board and STOLE IT, (me) not because I'm a person who can just make the decision to walk away. I want to be that strong. And I want to be that honest. And I intend to deny him the satisfaction of hunting down a rival to punish for his loss. When I go, it will be because I went, not because I was taken.
However, he makes it incredibly difficult for a woman to be that honest. He goes from being completely nuts and impossible to live with, to super loving and attentive and trying to "fix" any part of himself that his lady doesn't like. He holds her (me) hostage with threats against his own life. He throws such a fit that one must talk him off his ledge. So what happens when a woman is wretched and miserable with this man, but cannot see a way out because he has her trapped? She becomes vulnerable to the next guy who shows her love and attention and makes her feel good. I get it.
Honestly I think he'd rather have a woman cheat, so he COULD have another guy to take it out on, than have a woman simply be honest about how she feels if it means losing her. I don't even know anymore.
But to the point...to say "why is it so hard to just be honest"...well, it's so hard for as many reasons as there are messy complicated situations out there that people deal with, that's why.
Perhaps, and I see your point. But for me, it'd be as simple as, "here's the door, go." Once he left, there no such thing as reconciliation or fixing, you've made up your mind and that is where it ends, full stop. So go ahead and throw yourself over the ledge, I'll do you the favor of calling 911 (or whatever emergency number from your area.)
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