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thank you wmsn4life......I agree 100%. I do need to get much better at reading people and paying attention to red flags. I am clueless when I'm in the "moment" of a relationship. I'm crazy about her so she must be equally crazy about me is my thought process but I'm not noticing subtle signs hat there are problems brewing. For example one day she just started crying in bed for no reason. I asked what's wrong and she said nothing. That was the first clue/red flag that something is wrong.
It is not at all her fault. Much of it can be blamed on me. I actually wrote a list of all the things I learned from the relationship and the mistakes I made. I'm trying to figure out where I am going wrong in my relationships. I wasn't romantic enough, I didn't keep the 'exciting' aspect going and when she would say something physically that she didn't like about herself I wouldn't say anything to really make her feel better about things she was conscious of. She thought she needed to lose 20 pounds and instead of saying I love your body just the way it is I would say then we're going to bust our a$$es at the gym together.
Also I think because I was a good amount older than her sometimes I would act like a father figure when it came to paying bills or saving money. I was just trying to help because she was broke but no girl wants to hear that
I think once you are with the right person, you don't have to twist yourself into a pretzel to appear as someone you're not, or in order to meet some voiced expectations, even if they do not come naturally to you. It will just flow. A few bumps here and there, but you will both be on the same page on many things.
For now, don't expect miracles in your healing process, but do make it about you, not her. It requires brutal honesty with oneself, but you need to push yourself out of your comfort zone, and deal with yourself. There is no expressway to recovery. We all go through it at some point in our lives, some even several times. It's your turn now. Use the time and the pain to look inside you, and learn from the experience.
I think once you are with the right person, you don't have to twist yourself into a pretzel to appear as someone you're not, or in order to meet some voiced expectations, even if they do not come naturally to you. It will just flow. A few bumps here and there, but you will both be on the same page on many things.
For now, don't expect miracles in your healing process, but do make it about you, not her. It requires brutal honesty with oneself, but you need to push yourself out of your comfort zone, and deal with yourself. There is no expressway to recovery. We all go through it at some point in our lives, some even several times. It's your turn now. Use the time and the pain to look inside you, and learn from the experience.
thanks for comment.....That's what I've been doing. I've been using the time and pain to look inside myself and try to learn from the experience. Today was a fraction better. I slept 3 hours instead of 1 or 2. There was a period of time where the aching in my chest stopped for a while. Then it started back up again. It's been a roller coaster of emotions. I start thinking about her.... analyze every thing I may have done wrong or said wrong. A lot of very minor things that I should have done differently.
She liked romantic guys. I wasn't romantic and never attempted to be. the saying you don't know what you lost til its gone is so true.
Today I've been putting a lot of blame on myself. For example- we didn't see each other 8 straight days once because of her work schedule. Then my friend last minute got free hockey tickets. They were $200 seats. I only go once a year but I should have not went and stayed home and spent the night with her since that was the original plan.
I took advantage of the fact that I figured she'd never leave me since she has no friends . Little did I know she'd get rid of me and try to find a replacement for me.
Its redundent to analyze everything now that it's over. Only makes you feel worse what you think you could do differently to change, but the fact is what it IS.
Stop blaming yourself and see the truth- Whatever reason you think it's for, She dumped You.
I'm pretty sure your advice is more about you getting your rocks off tearing some kid on the internet then helping him. It has been a week since he's been dump so the emotions the OP has are somewhat fresh. No one was abrasive about this but you.
Very few breakup happen out of nowhere. Think back to her acting distant, less responsive, or withdrawing away from you before she revealed the breakup. The signs are always there.
Before you got out on 50 dates take the time to engage in activities that you enjoy that have nothing to do with meeting other people. Paint, rock climb,or if you need to talk to a therapist do so. I'm not sure she doesn't have someone else or someone in mind and you keeping up with her profile will do nothing but drive you crazy. There is a reason why it was never meant to be.
Very few breakup happen out of nowhere. Think back to her acting distant, less responsive, or withdrawing away from you before she revealed the breakup. The signs are always there.
Before you got out on 50 dates take the time to engage in activities that you enjoy that have nothing to do with meeting other people. Paint, rock climb,or if you need to talk to a therapist do so. I'm not sure she doesn't have someone else or someone in mind and you keeping up with her profile will do nothing but drive you crazy. There is a reason why it was never meant to be.
you're exactly right. I thought back and I have realized so much. She started distancing herself emotionally and physically 1 month before the break up. It took her a month of confusion and fear before she was able to end it because she knew how much I loved her. We didn't see each other for an 11 day stretch and we could have easily seen each other 4 times. 3 of those 4 times she put no effort into seeing me.
What I hated was how our last dinner together she was dumping me but I thought we were trying to work it out. She cried the whole night and I didn't cry at all because I didn't know it was really the end. Later she said that I must not have cared or had any feelings for her because I showed no emotion. I was more stunned that I was losing her. I wish I could just meet her 1 more time and tell her everything I wanted and needed to say. I don't know if she really knows how bad she hurt me. She probably thinks I must be fine. I miss her so much. Never met a sweeter, kinder person in my life.
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