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So I am guessing she doesn't really "like" me but I'd like a 2nd opinion since I like her. Here's the timeline and the mixed signals. She lives 55 miles away which may explain why its hard.
1. I asked her out at the end of last January. She agreed to go out on a date but when it came to planning it she was busy every weekend and I had to wait 4 weeks. So for 4 weeks we texted back and forth a bit and I called her several times.
2. We went on first date in February and I thought it was terrific. We had dinner and a show and towards the end of the show we held hands and I kissed her at the end of the date. She let me kiss her.
3. Texting continued and I called her a few times. I made a second date with her and due to my travel plans it was 3 weeks out on a week night.
4. We met for 2nd date and she immediately took my hand as we walked to the restaurant. We had dinner and a show again. It was nice but not as nice as the first date. I wasn't quite as relaxed. The show wasn't that good. I was anxious. We kissed in the restaurant. I went to give her a bigger kiss after the show and she did NOT kiss back that time.
5. Texting continued and I called to see if she wanted a 3rd date and she said yes but it was going to be 3 weeks out again.
So the mixed signals are:
- We held hands both dates
- We kissed both dates
- The big kiss however ... she wasn't interested in.
- The dates are 3 weeks apart.
- The text messages are mostly flat anyway. No jokes, no teasing, no banter. Usually when a chick likes me the text messages are playful. These text messages are flat and factual rather than playful.
- The phone calls are mixed. Sometimes they are interesting and playful and when they are she'll start texting the next day. Sometimes I feel like I'm going through a ritual just because I like her and I have to call but I'm not getting into the call. The next day there are no text messages.
After 2 months and 2 dates I feel tired. I like her but its too much work and too much waiting and seems like no interest from her side to make it work. I stopped texting her last Saturday as I had texting burn out and felt I'd get my mind back if I just stopped talking to her.
What would be your recommended next steps? I'm thinking I'll stay silent for a week and see if she initiates contact with a phone call. If she does I'll ask her why she's calling and see if she wants to date or not. If she doesn't call I'll have my answer. I feel that is better peace of mind than chasing someone who seems half interested. What do you say.
If you have a 3rd date, I'd recommend getting out of your dinner-and-a-show rut. There must be other things to do either where you live, or where she does. What about an afternoon date?
She said "yes" to a 3rd date, so give it one more shot. See if she initiates the hand-holding again. See if you two have fun together doing something moderately active, as opposed to eating and watching a show. Art gallery-hopping, or a walk in the park and museum visit. See if things click. Take it from there. And relax. Go into it assuming you're going to have fun.
Well that is what she said too lol. She wants to organize a scuba dive but there aren't any dive boats going out. I don't think my issue is the 3rd date so much. I'm sure it will be fun. My issue is That I'm tired of liking her more than she likes me. I'm tired of all the texting, reaching out and phone calls. I need to know if a person is into me. I don't believe in "this will grow" type of dating. I think you either like the person and "need" to see them again soon or you don't like them that way and you are just hanging out with them because the other person is fun. At least that is how I would approach seeing someone I thought was fun but who I am ultimately not really into for a relationship. I'd hang out and go on dates but I wouldn't get all excited and try to see them again soon.
Well that is what she said too lol. She wants to organize a scuba dive but there aren't any dive boats going out. I don't think my issue is the 3rd date so much. I'm sure it will be fun. My issue is That I'm tired of liking her more than she likes me. I'm tired of all the texting, reaching out and phone calls. I need to know if a person is into me. I don't believe in "this will grow" type of dating. I think you either like the person and "need" to see them again soon or you don't like them that way and you are just hanging out with them because the other person is fun. At least that is how I would approach seeing someone I thought was fun but who I am ultimately not really into for a relationship. I'd hang out and go on dates but I wouldn't get all excited and try to see them again soon.
hmm.... We've had this complaint before. [Mod cut] After you call her a couple of times, she doesn't initiate a call? This woman sounds really busy, to be fair. Aside from work, what does she have going? is she in school, or does she have a volunteer commitment, or something?
Taking your hand on the 2nd date was a good sign. IDK if 2 dates is too soon to expect the woman to start initiating calls, etc., and to be really into you. I think it might be. Go for the 3rd date. See if she acts more into you at that point. It takes some people time to get to know someone before they can decide they're into them, you know.
Last edited by PJSaturn; 03-23-2015 at 02:45 PM..
Reason: Off-topic.
Well that is what she said too lol. She wants to organize a scuba dive but there aren't any dive boats going out. I don't think my issue is the 3rd date so much. I'm sure it will be fun. My issue is That I'm tired of liking her more than she likes me. I'm tired of all the texting, reaching out and phone calls. I need to know if a person is into me. I don't believe in "this will grow" type of dating. I think you either like the person and "need" to see them again soon or you don't like them that way and you are just hanging out with them because the other person is fun. At least that is how I would approach seeing someone I thought was fun but who I am ultimately not really into for a relationship. I'd hang out and go on dates but I wouldn't get all excited and try to see them again soon.
If you read ^^^^^^ that you wrote you will be able to answer your own questions in regards to this non relationship and how to proceed.
Dude, what's the rush? You've only been on 2 dates, and you're already tired of texting/reaching out? That's how dating's done, my man. Maybe you're not cut out for it, if you don't have the patience. Or maybe you're looking for the type that's all over you from the start? (Those can implode on you, just fyi.) If you're looking for instant chemistry, look elsewhere. If you're looking for a kinda classy type who takes her time to check a dude out and get comfortable with him, go on date 3. I don't know what else to tell you. I can see how the scheduling issues can be discouraging, but some of that was on your side, too, right? Only you can decide if continuing is worth the hassle. But if you wait for a week to see if she initiates contact, she'll think you lost interest.
Last edited by NewbiePoster; 03-23-2015 at 02:29 PM..
Sounds like there is just too much time between dates to get any momentum going. Is she truly so busy it takes 3 to 4 weeks for her schedule to open up? If she is really THAT busy then I dunno how a relationship is going to work out anyway. Obviously I wouldn't expect someone to make themselves available to my whim after only a few dates, but I would think they would be free again before an entire month goes by!
We've discussed this with another poster - some women just aren't going to initiate in the beginning. They want you to do all the work. You can either keep doing the initiating and see how things pan out, or you can look for someone you feel is giving you more of the balance you want.
All good responses. She probably is more the type to let the guy show interest and organize the dates in the beginning. She may have had legit reasons for delaying dates. The first delay was legit as she had pre-planned some ski trips. The 2nd delay, I had ski trips. The 3rd delay she is shopping for a car. Perhaps I should have offered to go shop with her.
But still, when I am into a person I make an effort to see them quickly. You are right its hard to keep the momentum going when its just texting and phone calls. I'll do the 3rd date and hope for the best.
All good responses. She probably is more the type to let the guy show interest and organize the dates in the beginning. She may have had legit reasons for delaying dates. The first delay was legit as she had pre-planned some ski trips. The 2nd delay, I had ski trips. The 3rd delay she is shopping for a car. Perhaps I should have offered to go shop with her.
But still, when I am into a person I make an effort to see them quickly. You are right its hard to keep the momentum going when its just texting and phone calls. I'll do the 3rd date and hope for the best.
Sounds like you guys are not on the same page.
You could have went skiing together.
I think you should lay low like you said and see what happens.
We couldn't ski together since we both had bookings at different resorts. Anyway after reading the above I think I'll capitulate and give her a call in a few days when I am back home and see if she still wants that 3rd date.
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[Mod cut] After you call her a couple of times, she doesn't initiate a call? This woman sounds really busy, to be fair. Aside from work, what does she have going? is she in school, or does she have a volunteer commitment, or something?
and give her a call in a few days when I am back home and see if she still wants that 3rd date.
