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He got a vasectomy without her agreement, and she wanted kids. Now, no kids, and not much else to fill the marriage. She wanted sexual variety as compensation, and he agreed to it and played around himself, breaking the rules they'd established. So, it eventually led to the end of the marriage, but that was very likely going to be the result anyway. No loss - it just would have been cleaner if she'd left him first, or he'd let her go once he decided he wouldn't have kids.
I have a certain amount of respect for this woman based not on what she did, but how she approached the situation.
* She was willing to notify her husband that she wanted to take a break and have sex with other guys.
For that alone, she has way more integrity than women that decide to engage in infidelity that involves the usual prerequisites for cheating, which are:
Lying
Manipulation
Deception
Living a secret life
This woman at least was able to admit to herself what she wanted to do, notify her husband of her intentions and it was a situation involving full disclosure between two adults and her husband was informed completely as to what she wanted to do in terms of being intimate with other men.
Alternate scenarios that involve secret cheating, lies and betrayal wind up hurting the other party in a relationship. And sometimes that is an additional motive that the person who is cheating has. Cheating is mainly about sex, but also includes a desire for intimacy with a new person and at times, the person that is cheating actually wants to hurt the person they are with and/or initiate a situation where they are 'caught' cheating and it causes the primary relationship to dissolve. And the person doing the cheating is then free to pursue any and all other interests without what they perceive to be the restraints of a primary relationship and/or marriage.
So at the end of the day. I am a proponent of any situation that involves full disclosure. Basically the truth. As opposed to the myriad of deception and manipulation that infidelity inherently involves.
In several relationships, and due to my own inability to actually bond on an emotional and psychological level past a certain point - I allowed myself to be involved with women that were either married, engaged or were in a long term relationship. I knew what I was doing and more importantly the reasons why: I allowed myself to be 'with' women that I knew because of their primary relationships would never be able to expect me to be emotionally and practically available. I basically had a way out of the relationships (which were mainly sexual) at the point in time they started because I knew it would be unlikely that they would ever make an attempt to leave the primary relationship and transition into a more committed or intimate one with me. Realistically and considering the circumstances they really couldn't.
During that phase of my life, I indirectly learned a lot about what makes women want to cheat. And with that knowledge, I never judged them. But I learned a lot about the inner personal and psychological dynamics regarding women's infidelity, their ability to hide their actions, lie to their primary partner (and even themselves at times) and even justify what they were doing. With that being said, I was in a couple of relationships at different points in time that were supposed to be monogamous and committed and I was the guy being cheated on. In hindsight, I often wondered after those experiences if I would have been better off if the women I was with in what I was convinced were monogamous relationships could have just told me that they wanted to end the relationship and/or be with other guys. I would have never stayed in either relationship and shared a woman, certainly never shared either of them due to the depth of what I naively believed to be 'love', but I wouldn't have at least had the option of staying or leaving. And I think adults deserve those options as opposed to the aftermath of finding out that a person you are with has been lying, manipulating and sexually intimate with another.
She wanted a kid, harassed him and he knew her "accidentally" having a kid was a matter of time and got snipped. So she went to **** it up so she could get knocked up by someone else.
He got tired of the cheating ***** and found someone else, now she's trying to justify it behind feminist bull****.
Trying to spin this into some sort of "empowerment" of women seems like a stretch of the truth here to make a few bucks in book sales.
She says she was not going to go to her grave without a child and with only having had four lovers.
So really, her marriage was a bad decision from the start and if not doomed to fail, certainly set up to fail. She knew her husband did not want children when she married him. Since she thought she MIGHT want children, it was a bad move to marry him before she had decided herself. Maybe she thought he would change his mind, give in to her desire if she decided she wanted a child, or be careless enough she would end up pregnant. Clearly, that went up in smoke when he had the vasectomy.
The other problem here was that she voices a desire to have more than 4 sexual partners in her life. What was she doing entering a marriage if she had desires for more variety in her life?
To each their own I guess. If she wants to sleep around that sounds fine, and if she wants kids thats great. She just should have made a better choice than getting married and doing it with someone who was dead set against kids.
There is nothing 'empowering" about screwing around on your husband and expecting him to be okay with the arrangement. It's obvious that they were going in different directions before that point, so the respectful thing to do would be to divorce and then carry on with the wild oat sowing. Man, I bet he's glad he got snipped.
Trying to spin this into some sort of "empowerment" of women seems like a stretch of the truth here to make a few bucks in book sales.
She says she was not going to go to her grave without a child and with only having had four lovers.
So really, her marriage was a bad decision from the start and if not doomed to fail, certainly set up to fail. She knew her husband did not want children when she married him. Since she thought she MIGHT want children, it was a bad move to marry him before she had decided herself. Maybe she thought he would change his mind, give in to her desire if she decided she wanted a child, or be careless enough she would end up pregnant. Clearly, that went up in smoke when he had the vasectomy.
The other problem here was that she voices a desire to have more than 4 sexual partners in her life. What was she doing entering a marriage if she had desires for more variety in her life?
To each their own I guess. If she wants to sleep around that sounds fine, and if she wants kids thats great. She just should have made a better choice than getting married and doing it with someone who was dead set against kids.
And therein lies the problem. When someone says they don't want children, take them at their word. This also doesn't apply to only having children. If you go in thinking you're going to change someone more than likely you'll regret it.
Last edited by david0966; 03-24-2015 at 08:28 AM..
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