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Old 03-31-2015, 10:57 AM
 
Location: SoCal again
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HarryRSpooner View Post
Reflecting on some previous comments. I'm left with the lesson of: don't fall for a potentially brilliant mind - you gotta make sure you get along and mesh well. The ability to get through disagreements and to accentuate the positive is imperative. If she saw this post she would cackle gleefully that I'm still thinking about this relation or devoting any time to it. I'm sure she would derive some pleasure from it. She is one of the most guarded individuals I've ever met and she seldom ever left her "hair down." There were a few rare moments, but those were few and far between. However, I'm left with a few nagging questions:

1.) What did she see in me? Different culture = interesting, fascinating

2.) What was our relation about? discovering something new, excitement about different culture

3.) Why the lack of respect? Maybe that's how they are in her country.

4.) I wonder what will become of her. Somebody else's wife.

I married a man from a different county. Once we broke off I wondered what I ever saw in him, since we had NOTHING in common AT ALL. It was the different culture and the excitement of exploring it.
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Old 03-31-2015, 12:52 PM
 
508 posts, read 886,487 times
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cpg35223, well said. I felt that being an American in her eyes was as oh eve points out interesting and fascinating, but also supremely annoying to her. Overall, I very much agree with oh eve's analysis. Thank you for it!
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Old 03-31-2015, 02:36 PM
 
Location: SoCal again
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Ethnocentrism is judging another culture solely by the values and standards of one's own culture. Ethnocentric individuals judge other groups relative to their own ethnic group or culture, especially with concern for language, behavior, customs, and religion. These ethnic distinctions and subdivisions serve to define each ethnicity's unique cultural identity. Ethnocentrism may be overt or subtle, and while it is considered a natural proclivity of human psychology, it has developed a generally negative connotation.

Wikipedia
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Old 03-31-2015, 03:07 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by oh-eve View Post
Ethnocentrism is judging another culture solely by the values and standards of one's own culture. Ethnocentric individuals judge other groups relative to their own ethnic group or culture, especially with concern for language, behavior, customs, and religion. These ethnic distinctions and subdivisions serve to define each ethnicity's unique cultural identity. Ethnocentrism may be overt or subtle, and while it is considered a natural proclivity of human psychology, it has developed a generally negative connotation.

Wikipedia
So, by trotting that out, you're saying that the woman in question was wallowing in her ethnocentrism, right?

Far be it for me to be a flag-waving, jingoistic chauvinist. But, just as I would not live in some place such as Germany or Japan or Nigeria and make condescending jibes at how people in those cultures interact, I wouldn't care for someone moving here to do the same.
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Old 03-31-2015, 03:39 PM
 
508 posts, read 886,487 times
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Point of clarification:

I am American - I only lived in the country in question for about a year or so.

She is Russian - she lived in the country in question for about 10 years before moving to Germany.

Our relationship took place in a small sunny English speaking country. Shortly, after she moved to Germany I returned home to the United States. Neither of us held Citizenship in that country. She had residency because her mother married a local. I was able to live in that country due to treaty rights. People in that country happen to be extremely friendly and laid back. Tourism is one of their major economic activities. It is the type of place that when you walk out of your front door neighbors smile and wave. I do not feel comfortable naming the country because I have no interest in unmasking my ex-fiance. Understand it is in Europe and it is an extremely safe and stable place.
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Old 03-31-2015, 03:42 PM
 
Location: SoCal again
20,705 posts, read 19,880,600 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cpg35223 View Post
So, by trotting that out, you're saying that the woman in question was wallowing in her ethnocentrism, right?
exactly.
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Old 03-31-2015, 03:45 PM
 
Location: SoCal again
20,705 posts, read 19,880,600 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HarryRSpooner View Post

She is Russian - she lived in the country in question for about 10 years before moving to Germany.
I had a new neighbor once when I lived in Germany. He came from Turkey and just learned German. Every time he saw me he said "Hi" and "how are you?" in German and I wondered why he wants to know that. A friend came to visit me and she said "I just saw your neighbor. Weird dude. He wanted to know if I am healthy."

Different countries, different culture.
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Old 03-31-2015, 03:50 PM
 
508 posts, read 886,487 times
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Very true. She did learn the local language. She is a polyglot. Although, from what I could last tell she's run into issues with her German in Germany. She stretches herself very thin academically and last told me a few months ago that she has since lost all interest in academia.

From my understanding moving from a rather sunny beautiful country to Germany, was a bit more of a shock to her than she had thought. So much for being indifferent to the weather! The reason from what I gather she lost interest in academics has more to do with now wanting to focus on a more religious education than a secular one. But I am uncertain as to the precise reasoning because around that time is when the communication even on a purely platonic level fizzled.
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Old 03-31-2015, 04:25 PM
 
28,896 posts, read 54,045,943 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HarryRSpooner View Post
Point of clarification:

I am American - I only lived in the country in question for about a year or so.

She is Russian - she lived in the country in question for about 10 years before moving to Germany.

Our relationship took place in a small sunny English speaking country. Shortly, after she moved to Germany I returned home to the United States. Neither of us held Citizenship in that country. She had residency because her mother married a local. I was able to live in that country due to treaty rights. People in that country happen to be extremely friendly and laid back. Tourism is one of their major economic activities. It is the type of place that when you walk out of your front door neighbors smile and wave. I do not feel comfortable naming the country because I have no interest in unmasking my ex-fiance. Understand it is in Europe and it is an extremely safe and stable place.
You know, I knew that even before you clarified matters. I took Russian. I've had Russian friends and acquaintances. I've read Russian literature and history. I know Russian immigrants. Russia is a basket place of a country with a weird chip on its shoulders. Most Russians I've ever encountered have this compulsive need to dump on other countries. I don't know what it is. They make Germans look positively humble in comparison.
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Old 03-31-2015, 05:27 PM
 
508 posts, read 886,487 times
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cpg35223, my apologies for being redundant. Yes, a "chip on its shoulders" so brilliantly articulated and entirely applicable. I concur completely. A buddy of mine married a Russian woman from Eastern Ukraine that fits the bill completely. He was living over there about 10 years ago when they met.

My experience with the Russian "world" prior to my buddy getting married was a relation I had with a girl of Jewish Belarusian origin. Think Nicole Kidman look-alike. Very sweet and shy. Extremely hard-working. From a supremely humble background. She wouldn't ask for help under even dire circumstances much like my ex-fiance. My other experience with the Russian "world" came from listening to the band "Aria." Oh, and also one day I walked into my Synagogue as a little boy there I saw a poster "The Russians Are Coming!" This was in the late 80's and they were trying to raise money to help Russian-Jews get out of that bastion of loving tolerance.

I do wish one day Russia will get a good government that won't psychologically damage its people any further. It's almost as if the entire country from the 20's until the late 80's was a mental institution held together by an iron straightjacket. One of Russia's best exports in my opinion has been its brainpower.

The ex didn't like being thought of as Russian except when it suited her agenda for conversational purposes. I've encountered this with other Russians, and in particular, Russian women. At times, they like denying their Russian-ness. Which is to be encouraged from the standpoint of assimilation. But sometimes with my ex I felt like she was trying too hard to be something she's not. It really bothered me at times. Then again, I suppose people outta be free to be whatever they want.

Last edited by HarryRSpooner; 03-31-2015 at 05:44 PM..
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