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It depends on each individual relationship and what you mean by close.
My ex that I referred to in my thread, who was going to visit me, is someone who I consider to be a bullet dodged. He is one of my best friends but we dated many years ago. I have less than zero interest in him romantically.
My recent ex will always be important to me. Anyone I am with will have to understand that. That being said, I don't speak to him every day, I havent seen him in a few months.
Would I drop either of these people if asked by someone with whom I was in a serious relationship? No, but I would minimize contact to the point that my significant other was comfortable. However, if my significant other couldn't trust that I know my own mind and don't want those people romantically anymore because they are exes for a reason, then that wouldn't be the mate for me anyway.
By close, I mean a consistent on-going relationship with someone outside of the person you are committed to. The reason I personally don't keep very close relationships with women outside of my own marriage, whom I'm not related to is because of respect. I'm NOT saying this applies to you, but it is far too easy to get into a fight with an SO and in the midst of the fallout, turn to an eager ex bf/gf about the problem when they have no place in it. This is often how affairs start, it's not an indictment on you personally but it does happen.
In the second line I bolded, you said that you would not stop having a relationship with an ex even if your Spouse/SO asked you to. In this scenario, you are putting your own feelings first. A successful marriage/relationship cannot possibly work if one or both partners feel this way. If they don't each put the other first, then the relationship will likely lead to break up or the marriage will end in divorce/separation.
Again this is not a judgement of you, do what you want. I'm referring to what makes my own marriage and others who have been married for decades work.
That's valid if she hasn't moved on and still has feelings for him, but if he's actually just a friend, then he's just a friend.
Some people--not everyone, but some people--know their own minds enough to know that they don't want to be with that person romantically but can maintain a friendship.
Thats true but if your current partner has a problem with it, you should be cutting those ties.
I was friends with my exes until my current bf revealed he doesn't really like that. I don't see my exes we only text every now and then. My partner is more important to me so I cut the contact for him.
I would not insist on staying friends if the current partner has an issue with it. Choose your battles .. this isn't one IMO
That's valid if she hasn't moved on and still has feelings for him, but if he's actually just a friend, then he's just a friend.
Some people--not everyone, but some people--know their own minds enough to know that they don't want to be with that person romantically but can maintain a friendship.
It's vaild in every relationship.
it has nothing to do with "knowing you own mind well" it's is more so the fact you do not know others. While your intentions may be just friendship This doesn't mean maintaining relations won't change at some point. We ALL change as time progresses with the influences we allow in to our lives.
It's about moving forward, resepcting your partner AND your marriage to not put yourself in situations that breed the environment for Infedialty or outside marriage activities.
As much as people want to believe they are incapable of cheating as if it is some thing you just up and decide to do one afternoon...that is not the case for how the majority of situations transpire.
By close, I mean a consistent on-going relationship with someone outside of the person you are committed to. The reason I personally don't keep very close relationships with women outside of my marriage, whom I'm not related to is because of respect. I'm NOT saying this applies to you, but it is far too easy to get into a fight with an SO and in the midst of the fallout, turn to an eager ex bf/gf about the problem when they have no place in it. This is often how affairs start, it's not an indictment on you personally but it does happen.
In the second line a bolded, you said that you would not stop having a relationship with an ex even if your Spouse/SO asked you to. In this scenario, you are putting your own feelings first. A successful marriage/relationship cannot possibly work if one or both partners feel this way. If they don't each put the other first, then the relationship will likely lead to break up or the marriage will end in divorce/separation.
Again this is not a judgement of you, do what you want. I'm referring to what makes my own marriage and others who have been married for decades work.
What is the validity of asking me to end a friendship with someone with whom I have zero--again, less than zero--romantic attraction? That would be like asking me to stop being friends with a girl friend. I already dated him once and kind of find the idea of it gross. At this point it would be like dating my brother.
Thats true but if your current partner has a problem with it, you should be cutting those ties.
I was friends with my exes until my current bf revealed he doesn't really like that. I don't see my exes we only text every now and then. My partner is more important to me so I cut the contact for him.
I would not insist on staying friends if the current partner has an issue with it. Choose your battles .. this isn't one IMO
That's what it boils down to you. What is deemed more important to you?
it has nothing to do with "knowing you own mind well" it's is more so the fact you do not know others. While your intentions may be just friendship This doesn't mean maintaining relations won't change at some point. We ALL change as time progresses with the influences we allow in to our lives.
It's about moving forward, resepcting your partner AND your marriage to not put yourself in situations that breed the environment for Infedialty or outside marriage activities.
As much as people want to believe they are incapable of cheating as if it is some thing you just up and decide to do one afternoon...that is not the case for how the majority of situations transpire.
What is the validity of asking me to end a friendship with someone with whom I have zero--again, less than zero--romantic attraction? That would be like asking me to stop being friends with a girl friend. I already dated him once and kind of find the idea of it gross. At this point it would be like dating my brother.
The validity is to consider the feelings of your committed partner, not to justify why you think it's okay.
I think being friends with exes is fine. It's the amount of connection/correspondence and the type that is the issue here.
I'm sure that if ex guy wasn't chatting up the OP's girlfriend regularly and only texted or called now and then to say hello or catch up, this wouldn't be a huge issue.
My biggest concern here would be the OP's comfort level. If he's trying to be reasonable (it sounds like he is) and she's not considering his feelings? THAT is the red flag.
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The validity is to consider the feelings of your committed partner, not to justify why you think it's okay.
Well I responded to this in a DM because the thread was briefly closed, but I have to wonder why my committed partner was asking me to cut ties with my best friend and not considering MY feelings.
In re: to the OP, I think he is being reasonable by asking her to minimize or stop communicating, depending on the nature of the relationship. Not every male-female relationship is "chatting someone up," as Redzin characterized it.
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