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We wanted to take it slow but then ended up texting 24/7 when not together. So we saw each other every day. I had to go home every day to get new clothes. More and more stuff ended up at his house (it is nicer and bigger as mine) and then he said "hey, you pay mortgage for an empty house, might as well rent it out or at least some rooms."
I would NEVER decorate his complete place but some adjustments would be nice. I don't like the manly bed sheets, I hate checkered stuff. I don't like antique furniture, dark curtains, I am all about MODERN, bright and SLEEK. Less is more. HIs house is just not "me" and never will be.
Sounds like reality is colliding with the whirlwind fantasy you've been living. You only met not quite 4 months ago, so no, you shouldn't be trying to redecorate his house to your tastes. You haven't even dated, you just moved in bit by bit, day by day. I'm with the others who've said to go back to your place, start dating, and sleeping over occasionally. Too much too fast will flame out just as quickly as it began, IMO.
So I am sort of living at my bf's house since the day we met.
3,5 months ago .. yeah, I know ...
We made the decision that I rent out some furnished rooms in my house, about 10 minutes away. Still keeping one foot in it, just in case.
So most of my personal stuff is now at my bf's house. He gave me a room where I put all my belongings. The furniture and dishes and stuff is still at my house and stays there for now.
Am I wrong to expect to move into a completely new place in the next 1-2 years so it is all OUR stuff and not all his?
I moved into a man cave, his pics on the walls, his manly bed sheets, his decoration, motorcycle in the living room. Fine with me, but the house just doesn't feel like HOME to me. I feel like a guest and this will not change until we move somewhere else.
I want a fresh start where I can decorate and feel like it is OUR place. Where I have a couch that WE like. Pics on the walls we both like.
He keeps repeating it is OUR place but then every now and then he let's me feel it isn't mine and when I say something his answer is "well, I bought it, I pay for it, so of course it is mine. But it is OUR home."
Recently he had the fridge open for a while and I shut it to keep the cold in. He said something about it being his house and I shouldn't do that.
Our agreement was that I live there for free but pay half of the utilities and food.
Nope, you still have a house. If you want to live in his world, than fine. That's why you feel like a guest. I would go home and if he wanted to date you then he should respect your surroundings. As it is now ( 10 minutes away) you look desperate. If someone did that to me, I would kick their arse to the curb.
He's not supporting you. You are still supporting you ( half utilities/rent) and your other house.. I do like the pic of your dogs though ( very sweet) Are they at your house as well?
You're bringing on a world of responsibilities and issues right during the best part of a new relationship. The constant texting, missing each other, etc....all good stuff.
Given you live ten minutes away, both own your own homes, why not just spend a few nights at his place, and a couple nights at yours? Sounds like the perfect set up for a couple in their first year together, seriously, so enjoy it!
Then, when you're both "really" ready (it's clear he's not yet) it will be an even playing field with either you move into his place, or yours, or you both find a new place together.
I moved into my husband's house when we got married and put most my things in storage. For the first three years, he wasn't in any hurry to redecorate. It wasn't until we moved that I saw some of my things again. Really.
Honestly, you might need to become a bit more persuasive about your living situation. You might be more flexible than he is about your home, so don't expect an easy change.
He said "once you are my wife, it's gonna be different. But we are not there yet."
I was thinking of moving back into my house. But then I sit there missing him and he is missing me. Kinda pointless.
I wouldn't buy that. If he is not willing to change now, he certainly won't change later.
Edited:
I just saw that you have only been dating for 4 months. I wouldn't change my life for someone I've only been seeing that long. YOU were. He is telling you HE isn't.
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My husband bought the home we live in nine years before we even met. I had no illusions that he'd sell the place and buy a new one just so we could start fresh when I moved in. But he also has NEVER referred to it as HIS house...from even before we got married, everything has been "ours" (bearing in mind that he proposed three days after I moved in, so marriage was already on his mind).
He's also completely amenable to any changes I've wanted to make to the extent that they were possible (i.e. I'd like to do a kitchen remodel, but it's a big project, so we're looking at temporary fixes in the meantime), and has always been encouraging of doing whatever I want to make it "home." We repainted before I even moved in.
From what you describe (and I have only read about half the thread), it doesn't sound like he seems too keen on it being YOUR space, too. In his head, it's still his, you're just using it. Which is understandable, given that you've been together just a few months.
If you're not paying rent or anything toward the upkeep of the place, you don't get mail there, it's not your official address, and he's the only one who would get equity if he sold it, sorry, but you don't live there. You're a girlfriend who sleeps over a lot.
In your shoes, I'd move my stuff back home, and I'd live in the place I'm paying for. You're only 10 minutes apart.
It's a slippery slope that might built resentment, been there done that exactly how you had, our only fight I moved out and almost 4 months later were talking about moving in together again, but into our place for now not his, it's tough , but be careful it was one heck of a roller coaster for me.
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