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because it will basically shut down the possibility of a serious relationship with any of them.
That is by no means a certitude. If some level of exclusivity has not been established then it is not really to be expected either.
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Originally Posted by Pi64
I certainly wouldn't tell them you're only seeing them for the sake of impressing them or something like that
Thankfully therefore no one appears to be suggesting this as a reason to do it.
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Originally Posted by Pi64
you basically have little choice but to lie.
Above you suggested not coming clean because there would be no chance of a relationship with either of them. Now here you suggest building such relationships on outright lies. It would appear you see relationships as a competition or game where you make whatever move is required to "win". I on the other hand - and I would hope the OP as well - see relationships as something built on communication trust and honesty.
Not only do you have more choice than to lie - you have many more choices. And I for one choose the path of honesty. Because I would not even want to BE in a relationship - if it meant I had to build it on a foundation of lies.
Now here you suggest building such relationships on outright lies.
Grow up. People lie to each other all the time--including friends and romantic partners. Being sanctimonious about this is like being stunned that countries that are allies spy on each other.
Grow up. People lie to each other all the time--including friends and romantic partners. Being sanctimonious about this is like being stunned that countries that are allies spy on each other.
Speak for yourself - you do not speak for me. I have never lied to my partners that I am aware of. And what I most certainly have not done is set out to contrive to wilfully lie to them - premeditated - in order to manipulate them into a relationship I feel they otherwise might not enter into were I to be honest. for sure some growing up needs to be done - but not from my side.
Speak for yourself - you do not speak for me. I have never lied to my partners that I am aware of. And what I most certainly have not done is set out to contrive to wilfully lie to them - premeditated - in order to manipulate them into a relationship I feel they otherwise might not enter into were I to be honest. for sure some growing up needs to be done - but not from my side.
I think that if no one "manipulated" anyone into wanting to be with them, very few people would want to get together.
I think that if no one "manipulated" anyone into wanting to be with them, very few people would want to get together.
And you are welcome to think it. I can only say that I have seen nothing in my life to lend it credence or to take it seriously as a valid proposition.
But as I said speak for yourself - because you do not speak for me. The advice is out there from both of us - and only the OP can now decide if he wants to found a potential relationship from the outset in honesty - or a contrived and wilful lie or network of lies.
It is clear which I would choose - I would rather be alone forever than choose that. It is clear which you would - you would happily lie to someone you might even claim to "love" in order to get them into the relationship _you_ want.
Which path the OP wants is entirely the OPs choice.
If partners agree to be monogamous, then cheating is unethical.
If a person's feelings have changed about that matter, the onus is on them to communicate that to their partner.
Inventing philosophical questions is just a device for people to excuse bad behavior.
You are nowhere near as clever as you think you are.
When someone doesn't have an counterargument, they just respond with "But it just is the way I said!" And that's what you've done here. People break agreements all the time, about any number of things, and doing so does not seem to be necessarily considered unethical.
And it's pretty ridiculous to say people should "communicate to their partner" that their feelings about being monogamous have changed. If that's not a virtually guaranteed way to blow up a relationship or marriage, I don't know what is.
And it's pretty ridiculous to say people should "communicate to their partner" that their feelings about being monogamous have changed. If that's not a virtually guaranteed way to blow up a relationship or marriage, I don't know what is.
That is the risk you take. But if your feelings have changed to the degree that the relationship you are in no longer conforms to your needs and requirements - then the relationship is in a sense already over. So which is then better - live a lie to maintain a relationship that is not even fulfilling you anyway - or tell the truth and perhaps potentially modify that relationship so it works for all concerned.
I guess the only difference between you and myself and some other posters - is you are happy to live a lie in ways that many of us simply are not. Almost as if the goal is to be in a relationship - any relationship - by whatever means necessary. Just so long as you are in one. As I said I would rather be single for ever than engage in the kind of things you would not only do - but literally found a relationship on from the outset.
When someone doesn't have an counterargument, they just respond with "But it just is the way I said!" And that's what you've done here. People break agreements all the time, about any number of things, and doing so does not seem to be necessarily considered unethical.
And it's pretty ridiculous to say people should "communicate to their partner" that their feelings about being monogamous have changed. If that's not a virtually guaranteed way to blow up a relationship or marriage, I don't know what is.
What are you talking about? There's a difference between breaking, say, a non-compete contract with work, and an agreement of trust with a partner. A major difference.
You are trying to excuse treating people badly by using false equivalencies. THAT is what is ridiculous.
If you want to be disingenuous to your partner to get what you want, have at it, but I can't imagine anyone with any type of self worth allowing it to fly.
What are you talking about? There's a difference between breaking, say, a non-compete contract with work, and an agreement of trust with a partner. A major difference.
You are trying to excuse treating people badly by using false equivalencies. THAT is what is ridiculous.
If you want to be disingenuous to your partner to get what you want, have at it, but I can't imagine anyone with any type of self worth allowing it to fly.
Typical debate tactic--distort what the other person says to bolster your own argument. I didn't say all agreements are the same. I did say that breaking one isn't necessarily unethical.
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