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I am 38, married with 2 kids. I was a virgin when i met my now husband. I was just talking to a friend of mine and she told me how sex is "supposed" to be, but, i don't know if she's right, or if her husband is just wild because he was a player most of his life.
She said foreplay should take 20 mins up to an hour, and lots of things are supposed to go on before you actually get to the "wham bam thank you mam" part, like teasing, massage, kissing on different parts not just the mouth, you're supposed to talk to eachother, the man should compliment you...etc etc. She said most sex sessions should last about an hour, possibly longer. I am blown away by this info, because when my DH and I are together, it is silent...not a sound comes out of either of us. In the beginning, when i just had relations with him for the first time, i thought we would be "talking" to eachother, i wanted to explore my sexuality, but when you're the only one saying anything, you feel dumb, so i stopped. I mean, we could fool around in a library, and no one would know anything was happening......silence.
Also, i know exactly what movements will happen at exactly what point, it's the same exact thing every single time...like a carbon copy. I offered to role play, to watch porn with him, to do what ever, just to spice things up, and he didn't seem responsive to that, so, i just thought "well, maybe these couples who get wild on tv, are just exaggerating for entertainment value?
Now, after i had this talk with my friend, i wonder, do all couples make sex a long ordeal, or is it 30 minutes (I'll take care of you, you take care of me and thats it), are we starting the roller coaster at the end of the ride and missing out on the entire roller coaster? Or are most couples that have a routine like us, round all 4 bases in 20 mins and be done with it.? I don't have anyone else i can ask, so I'm asking you.
I've been married 11 years and dated my wife for 3 years before that too and while our sex life isn't as varied and lustful as it was when we were younger it still has a little bit of variety in terms of duration (anywhere from a very quick 10 minutes to 1 hour, with an average of 30 I would say) and activities. A large part of why things have quieted down is because we have young kids - it's been ages since we've had day time sex or loud sex. It's never the exact same sequence of moves or completely silent, god no.
Another reason is the novelty of sex is greatly diminished when you have been doing it with the same person for so long I guess.
But I think the bigger issue you seem to have is that you are unhappy with what you have going on. In my case, while I am sure by some people's standards we are having lame boring sex - my wife and I are happy. Or happy enough anyway lol.
Now, after i had this talk with my friend, i wonder, do all couples make sex a long ordeal, or is it 30 minutes (I'll take care of you, you take care of me and thats it), are we starting the roller coaster at the end of the ride and missing out on the entire roller coaster? Or are most couples that have a routine like us, round all 4 bases in 20 mins and be done with it.? I don't have anyone else i can ask, so I'm asking you.
Hey - at least you still hit all 4 bases without skipping any!
The moment someone starts talking in "shoulds" about sex - they are already wrong. There are no "shoulds" here. The only thing you "should" be concerned with is whether you and your partner are satisfied with what is going on. What satisfies someone else is not a measure you want to be applying to yourself.
Some people like minimal foreplay - some a lot more - some none at all. It varies from person to person - and even encounter to encounter. In my relationship we might bypass foreplay entirely - or we might engage in some piece of foreplay that we enjoy so much that we forget about the rest and engage in that foreplay for a long time. Oral sex meant as foreplay might end up taking hours. Yet there are also times where the entire experience - foreplay AND sex - might last 5 to 10 minutes. There is no "normal" here.
Every "should" in the list this friend gave you is a list of things that work for her. Do not take them as a standard that has to be true of you too - or that you have to conform to. At most take it as a list of ideas to try out. Nothing more.
So forget what your friend said and ask yourself are you getting what YOU want from it. And if not then you need to open lines of communication with your partner on this issue.
Lady, its not a competition where you're graded. If a couple is happy with 15, or 30 minutes or an hour, its their business only. If you want more variety, tell the husband.
your friend said what?????? Op can you imagine I am still laughing,,,Seems your friend might watching too much of porn films, what ever your friend said match perfectly with those films,, if you and your hubby doing well no problems no complain, both are satisfied that is it,,,It is every one's choice taking an intercity train or slow train is up to your and your hubby. chao
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what ever your friend said match perfectly with those films,, if you and your hubby doing well no problems no complain, both are satisfied that is it,,,It is every one's choice taking an intercity train or slow train is up to your and your hubby. chao
