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If my husband is tired and isn't going to start on a project that needs to be done, he says he's tired and going to do it later. Same for me. No need to le about anything.
How long are you going to listen to that? What's your threshold for tolerance? We all have them, hell I think maybe people who go postal don't really have a good knowledge of their thresholds and levels of tolerance.
You're not going to listen to "maybe later" or "not today I'm too tired" forever. Neither would he. Things would start to crack.
No it's not. It's an explanation of a way of reasoning and acting through an event. The specific instance I mentioned I knew she had a hard day. I had a hard week. I knew the brakes were due to be checked/changed but the situation was not life threatening. Another 100 miles wasn't going to lead to the grave. She had no clear idea of what the brakes on the car were let alone an idea of wear and tear. She was stressed and that came up in her mind. I was tired. I needed to NOT use my head for just awhile. She would not have accepted an answer like "the brakes are fine", that's not what she NEEDED to hear.
I picked my battle. I "deflected" the whole thing and she had one thing less to worry about.
No it's not. It's an explanation of a way of reasoning and acting through an event. The specific instance I mentioned I knew she had a hard day. I had a hard week. I knew the brakes were due to be checked/changed but the situation was not life threatening. Another 100 miles wasn't going to lead to the grave. She had no clear idea of what the brakes on the car were let alone an idea of wear and tear. She was stressed and that came up in her mind. I was tired. I needed to NOT use my head for just awhile. She would not have accepted an answer like "the brakes are fine", that's not what she NEEDED to hear.
I picked my battle. I "deflected" the whole thing and she had one thing less to worry about.
An, yes, the old "lie to her for her own good" fable.
If you lie once then everything, EVERYTHING is questioned now. Better you don't.
This. The insidious nature of the lie is that it has no boundaries or limits. You can't lie about 1 out of 10 things and expect to be believed on the 9 you are truthful about because you have revealed your potential to lie. You are either trustworthy or you're not. There's no such thing as "mostly" or "usually".
So, greasing the skids would be if I bought too many shoes and didn't tell my husband...?
Nope, I would tell him, and if it bothered him I would take them back.
To me there is nothing worth the loss of trust.
My opinion has always been if you have to lie then either you are doing something wrong, or you married someone not reasonable, or not in-line with how you want to live your life.
Either of those is a problem.
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Definitely not okay to lie to a spouse. I've done it and even fell into the rationalizing and trying to justify it. At the end of the day all it did was make things worse, and ultimately despite all my trying to rationalize it in my own mind I had to be honest with myself: it was a dirtbag thing to do.
My wife and I have survived several mistakes made by both of us, so I am blessed to be where I am today. But it's an act of providence and not my own that has kept us together.
I don't see how lying about small things is an issue. Sometimes I lie just because telling the whole situation/story would take way too much time.
I think most people lie to make things run more smoothly sometimes and that's ok.
Now going out with your guy friends and getting a lap dance from a stripper who you have been pining for and telling your wife you were golfing is definitely not ok. That's not a "small thing"
How long are you going to listen to that? What's your threshold for tolerance? We all have them, hell I think maybe people who go postal don't really have a good knowledge of their thresholds and levels of tolerance.
You're not going to listen to "maybe later" or "not today I'm too tired" forever. Neither would he. Things would start to crack.
Worked so far.
It's not "maybe later". It's, as tonight, "I don't feel like doing the dishes. I'll get them in the morning." It's "We'll paint the baby's room the last weekend in April, things are crazy right now." It's, "I'll go get the new plates for the car after next week, when Midterms are over." And then actually following through, on all counts, in whatever way is appropriate. Not putting things off indefinitely, but communicating a plan for when whatever gets done.
If you just always want to beg off on stuff indefinitely, I can see where you'd be tempted to fabricate crap In order to kep doing it, versus just being honest. If you're keen on putting off obligations forever, you're obviously going to have problems.
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