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Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by weezerfan84
This is where Facebook has reaped dividends for me. If I met someone in a group setting and for one reason or another we weren't able to communicate as much; I have a much easier time adding them on Facebook and communicating there. You just go into it not expecting anything to happen, but continue to widen your social circle.
Like my friend that I met at a cookout a month ago. We didn't talk much there, but I had a clear opening to add her on Facebook. I've actually used that route several times to get my foot in the door and women haven't been put off by it. These were mostly women who were used to being pursued, so I believe they knew what I was doing from the get go. All they had to do was approve or disapprove of my method.
Online dating at one time was pretty good for me; however, in the last 2 years it's really taken a step back in quality to me. It seemed for a couple of years I could actually meet some really good women. These women knew what they were after and their profiles illustrated that. When I read a profile now, it seems to only comment on the same crap. I don't want to be used for sex and you need to have your life together. Well, duh!! Doesn't everyone feel that way?
It seems more profiles read as a PSA for what they don't want, than what they actually want out of a partner. They spend more time pushing away potential partners, instead of spending that time attracting them.
That makes sense. I just joined FB two years ago, but I don't add people I'm not REAL friends with on it. It's already overwhelming with like 60 people connecting. I don't want to add casual acquaintances like some of my friends with 400 connections. But I think this might be useful for younger people.
I haven't done OLD for a couple of years. I expect to when I move later this summer (I've been putting that off), but I hope I don't see what you're seeing. The negative, defensive statements are a real turn off.
But not looking for a serious commitment seems very very common in the late 30s and 40s women I meet. They have no need or desire for them. It can be frustrating. Most seem to just want to hang out, what happens, happens, etc. They like their life as it is, and want another person to hang out with from time to time and have some good sex, and leave it at that. Its why I've said so often on here that dating is really easy in a guy's late 30s and 40s (heck, I'm having more sex now that I did when I was dating that last girl). Finding a relationship with a real connection, now that is hard.
I guess he thought red-faced, sweaty and dishevelled was hot? . I'd just come from the gym across the street to grab something before heading home.
I'm with you, a rapport needs to be established to want to go out, and you can't tell that by looking at someone. If you don't communicate well, interact well, have a good wit, I don't want to know you better.
Well, he saw someone that he was interested in and he approached. I don't see a problem, he might have been 'Mr. Right for you' but you declined. Why pass on something before you know whether there is the potential for something more or not?
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,974,024 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TenorSax83
Well, he saw someone that he was interested in and he approached. I don't see a problem, he might have been 'Mr. Right for you' but you declined. Why pass on something before you know whether there is the potential for something more or not?
How can someone be interested in they saw once and have never spoken to? There is nothing TO BE interested in at that point.
That makes sense. I just joined FB two years ago, but I don't add people I'm not REAL friends with on it. It's already overwhelming with like 60 people connecting. I don't want to add casual acquaintances like some of my friends with 400 connections. But I think this might be useful for younger people.
I haven't done OLD for a couple of years. I expect to when I move later this summer (I've been putting that off), but I hope I don't see what you're seeing. The negative, defensive statements are a real turn off.
But not looking for a serious commitment seems very very common in the late 30s and 40s women I meet. They have no need or desire for them. It can be frustrating. Most seem to just want to hang out, what happens, happens, etc. They like their life as it is, and want another person to hang out with from time to time and have some good sex, and leave it at that. Its why I've said so often on here that dating is really easy in a guy's late 30s and 40s (heck, I'm having more sex now that I did when I was dating that last girl). Finding a relationship with a real connection, now that is hard.
That's the problem for me. I had a lot of casual relationships from 25 till I turned 29. I was strictly focused on my career, so I didn't want to lose that focus trying to work on a relationship. That was also the time where I ran into the desirable women dating as well.
Since 29, the tables have totally flipped. I have seen more women just looking for whatever and not focused on any type of commitment. While for me, I'm more focused on a relationship, because I did the casual route while everyone else wasn't. I'm catching the women burned from 25-35, so now they just want to have sex and go out to eat. Even if they don't want sex, they just want an activity partner.
I feel like I'm "wasting" my most put together years on women who quite frankly aren't looking for me. The ones that are looking for me, don't appear to have their life together in a way that I would desire. These women were me at 25-29, and even though I was getting a lot of attention from women, I was in no place to embark on a relationship. My actions reflected that very well too.
Well, he saw someone that he was interested in and he approached. I don't see a problem, he might have been 'Mr. Right for you' but you declined. Why pass on something before you know whether there is the potential for something more or not?
My husband wouldn't have liked it much. Things you can find out if you talk with someone first before asking them out.
My point was that I hadn't even laid eyes on him and he was asking me to coffee. We were in a safe spot, a grocery store, but he basically snuck up on me. I don't recommend anyone take that approach.
How can someone be interested in they saw once and have never spoken to? There is nothing TO BE interested in at that point.
Maybe you don't believe in approaching but others you do. Men approach women they are interested in, this has been the norm for a long time. Why wouldn't you ask someone out for coffee and let the opportunity pass you by?
My husband wouldn't have like it much. Things you can find out if you talk with someone first before asking them out.
My point was that I hadn't even laid eyes in him and he was asking me to coffee. We were in a safe spot, a grocery store, but he basically snuck up on me. I don't recommend anyone take that approach.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,974,024 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by TenorSax83
Maybe you don't believe in approaching but others you do. Men approach women they are interested in, this has been the norm for a long time. Why wouldn't you ask someone out for coffee and let the opportunity pass you by?
I believe in approaching, of course, and I would ask someone out I'm interested in. Done it many times. But I can't, of course, have interest in someone I know nothing about and haven't spoken to. What in the world would I be interested in if I haven't spoken to them and know nothing about them?
I believe in approaching, of course, and I would ask someone out I'm interested in. Done it many times. But I can't, of course, have interest in someone I know nothing about and haven't spoken to. What in the world would I be interested in if I haven't spoken to them and know nothing about them?
Nothing.
Interested in that you were physically attracted to them, and then approached. Like you said, you have approached many times and if you 'click', great! If not, oh well. But, you won't know unless you initiate it.
Interested in that you were physically attracted to them, and then approached. Like you said, you have approached many times and if you 'click', great! If not, oh well. But, you won't know unless you initiate it.
What Timberline is saying that older women, say past 25, get very freaked out by that kind of approach. It's deemed inappropriate and intrudes on their personal space. It's the best way to end up being the butt end of a conversation with their husband or female friends. Sure, they're appreciative of the interest, yet when they're not expecting the attention, it can rub them the wrong way.
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. I'd just come from the gym across the street to grab something before heading home. 
Things you can find out if you talk with someone first before asking them out. 
