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Here’s part of it. I believe it explains sexless relationships/marriages, too.
Men are wired to desire sex by default. Women can and do desire and enjoy sex, but only rarely without any external stimulation, whether it’s hormonal, or a smooth or sexy guy (whether it’s looks-sexy or other types of sexy). Women rarely are just horny for no reason at all (except maybe at ovulation, or rare women that have a man’s level of libido).
Furthermore, women aren’t wired to where sex is the first thing on their minds.
A man will not pursue a relationship, or enter into one, with a woman he couldn’t imagine himself having sex with. We just don’t do that. Women can crush on a guy who they find hot/sexy/cute whatever. Even a highly sexual woman can “grow” to be attracted to a guy she doesn’t initially have those feelings for. Many women will enter a relationship with a guy they have little or no real sexual attraction to, because they see other qualities in him. This is a good thing, for the woman. She isn’t even consciously thinking about the fact that sexually he isn’t all that interesting to her, she’s looking beyond that. Since sex isn’t something she desires without stimulation, it doesn’t occur to her – he’s not stimulating her, so she doesn’t want sex, so she’s OK without having much sex, because, she isn’t stimulated to want it by him. It’s not something she does consciously. If you ask her, she’s “satisfied” with their sex life, because it’s pretty easy to be satisfied by something you don’t even really desire that much.
However, HE wants to have sex with her. He’s a man, she’s a woman, he’s attracted to her, he wants to bang her. Much simpler equation. Five years down the road, he’s wondering what happened. She’s perfectly fine, since she hasn’t been really sexually stimulated all that much their entire time together. Yet this same woman, with a few drinks in her, hangs with her girlfriends, joking how she wants to f*** whatever hot celebrity their talking about…BECAUSE HE STIMULATES HER SEXUALLY.
The worst part? Us guys who aren’t the stimulating type, CAN’T DO A DAMN THING ABOUT IT.
Ask me how I know.
Gee, thanks for mansplaining how women work.
To the OP, I get what you are saying about the pursuit helping to create the attraction. But it goes both ways. If a woman pursued you, and you became attracted to her through that, would the end result be any less unstable? The reality is that one person pursues the other to create the connection, even if that pursuit is as simple as "hey, want to go grab a cup of coffee and chat?" Somebody has to put things in motion.
But I think you can rest easy that a woman who married you, loves you, initiates sex with you is fully invested. It's good that you keep working at your relationship, but it sounds like she does too. That is what makes a successful marriage - when both people invest in it and in their partner. If someone loses interest because their partner is no longer "pursuing" them, I think it becomes a chicken and egg - is the lack of pursuit coming out of a lack of interest on that person's side?
In any case, for the larger, more general question, I think that women don't pursue men as much because they can get away with it. Men are more likely to take the initiative so a woman doesn't have to put herself out there as much. But that's changing and a lot more women *like* to take the initiative and be the pursuer. Probably that's a good thing although I personally am old fashioned enough that I won't be one of those women.
To the OP, I get what you are saying about the pursuit helping to create the attraction. But it goes both ways. If a woman pursued you, and you became attracted to her through that, would the end result be any less unstable? The reality is that one person pursues the other to create the connection, even if that pursuit is as simple as "hey, want to go grab a cup of coffee and chat?" Somebody has to put things in motion.
But I think you can rest easy that a woman who married you, loves you, initiates sex with you is fully invested. It's good that you keep working at your relationship, but it sounds like she does too. That is what makes a successful marriage - when both people invest in it and in their partner. If someone loses interest because their partner is no longer "pursuing" them, I think it becomes a chicken and egg - is the lack of pursuit coming out of a lack of interest on that person's side?
In any case, for the larger, more general question, I think that women don't pursue men as much because they can get away with it. Men are more likely to take the initiative so a woman doesn't have to put herself out there as much. But that's changing and a lot more women *like* to take the initiative and be the pursuer. Probably that's a good thing although I personally am old fashioned enough that I won't be one of those women.
I appreciate that, and it makes sense!
As far as Tim's post (the one you quoted), I think he's being a bit overly cynical, but some of what he says seems to make *some* sense. It's not true for my wife and I, but I've seen something resembling that concept in the relationships of friends of mine. Are you saying he's not correct?
I've been the pursuer. As to whether or not I pursue a certain "type"... I reflected on this for while and noticed a pattern: my 2 serious relationships involved me being the pursuer, and both men look rather similar. The men I dated casually pursued me, and were all quite different in terms of physical and personality traits.
Nope. Never really had a need or desire to. Now I have asked a guy out - but just asking them out is not really what I consider "pursuit". However I know several women that have. And believe me they were not "superstuds" either. All women are not alike. All men are not alike.
I've been the pursuer. As to whether or not I pursue a certain "type"... I reflected on this for while and noticed a pattern: my 2 serious relationships involved me being the pursuer, and both men look rather similar. The men I dated casually pursued me, and were all quite different in terms of physical and personality traits.
Now that you mention it, I think I possibly do have a type. Although I married pretty young, of the four men I seriously pursued, including my husband, all three were blond and ended up in some sort of engineering or information technology field.
In hindsight, I have had women "orbit" me before, so that probably counts as pursuit.
I was pursued last night. As soon as I walked in the store, she had her eyes on me. Ended up getting her number.
Still Got it.
And Today, a friend told me that a woman was looking at me "like he looks at tacos" I could barely tell because my eyes aren't so consistent. I waved at her as she walked out and...
At work today, a 32 year old woman gave me her number. She told me she sees me work in the store and thought I was cute. I don't know if I'm going to call her though. I did save her number.
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All women are not alike. All men are not alike. 
