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That's what I'm hearing too, but obviously Lafleur knows his situation better than we do. If he honestly feels that being with her is better than going back into the dating world, maybe it is. It's great to find someone that you're crazy about and who's crazy about you, but unfortunately not all of us will find that. For some, it's better to just stay with the person whose issues they're already familiar with instead of having to get to know someone else or just being alone.
I could not disagree more! It is infinitely worse to be with the wrong person than to be alone. I don't know anyone who is in a miserable marriage who would say, "Well, at least I'm not alone." They WISH they could turn back time and never have made the mistake of marrying the wrong person.
I could not disagree more! It is infinitely worse to be with the wrong person than to be alone. I don't know anyone who is in a miserable marriage who would say, "Well, at least I'm not alone." They WISH they could turn back time and never have made the mistake of marrying the wrong person.
I think staying in bad or less than ideal relationships is pretty common. I did it myself for more than a year until I decided that I was tired of the situation. For me, I was just trying to prove things to myself and he wasn't a bad person (and yes, there's always that fear that you won't find anyone better) so I let things go on longer than they should have. Now I do think that it's better to be alone, but it's not what I wanted at the time.
The ones who want me are clingy, psychotic, immature and/or unattractive.
The ones whom I want to be with don't want to be with me.
Yeah. This happens to more people than some realize. Story of my life as well. The guys I am interested in couldn't care less. And the ones I don't find physically attractive, and who are sloppy or thuggish and perverted on top of it, will be the ones to notice and be interested. And that's actually more upsetting when you attract the ones you don't want.
Could be location. Someone made a good post about depending on where you live, plus what you're looking for in a partner, certain areas are bad for that. Your standards are not unreasonable, but what's more standard in the particular area may not fit. There's the saying plenty of fish. but to add,, you could be a victim of looking for alot exotic fish in a pond.
And that's just damn bad luck, unless you're will to chance things and move. But not a simple option, since it costs tons of money, finding a new job. Some areas aren't single's friendly, and you'll have limited options and even worse time striking out with said limits. Small Rural Towns can be the worst.
So totally understandable if you're reluctant on ending things with your current girl and going into the single's fray again.
You've got plenty of time to find someone. I know you might not see it that way right now, but from my perspective (I'm much older than you), you should take this time to enjoy your life and work on being the best person you can be for when the right woman does come alone.
The bolded part is exactly what I was going to say (and is exactly what I taught my 3 children). Most people end up with a partner of similar "caliber" or "quality" as themselves. (I hope that doesn't sound snobby; not at all my intention). The more you invest in yourself, developing a variety of interests, being well-read and intelligent about the world and current events, being involved in things you enjoy.....basically making yourself someone with a great deal to offer a woman (and I don't mean material things), you will then naturally attract intelligent, deep-thinking, interesting, well-rounded women. Meeting "the one" isn't something you can control or force, but you ARE in control of your own self-improvement.
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Originally Posted by Butterflyfish
When you find the right person, it won't be this hard. I know you say that it's normal for you to be anxious and over-analyzing everything but maybe that's because you've never experienced a healthy happy relationship.
Personally, I find any relationship anxiety (in the first 3 months anyway) to be indicative of a bad match. With the exception of butterflies in your stomach, which feels kinda good.
When it's right, new love feels wonderful and uplifting, not exhausting and anxious. Your SO should make you feel good about yourself.
And this (especially the bolded part) was the other thing I was about to say. Most people (even scientists who have done research on brain chemicals associated with falling in love), would agree that the first two years of a relationship are the most romantic and happy and fairy tale-like.....but then a few years into the marriage, the new relationship energy, and the surge of "happy brain chemicals" wears off. Unfortunately, many people start to realize that they don't particularly like the person they married, let alone cherish and adore.
With the concerns and doubts you are feeling now, you are likely to be less happy in the relationship as time goes on. Do you want to spend your life being (most likely) less happy than you are at this point?
I am not at all saying that everyone's marriage ends up losing the joy they shared in the beginning, or that two people can't stay crazy-in-love for a lifetime. They certainly can stay happily in love, and it is beyond wonderful! But if you are not feeling blissfully and deliriously happy with this girl now, if you don't feel like pinching yourself everyday because the relationship feels so amazing you can hardly believe it's not just a dream, if you aren't completely confident that she is "the one" for you....then wait for someone who DOES make you feel that way (while you work on improving your own self, as talked about above).
And, at no extra charge , a little background explaining why I feel so strongly about this:
It really tugs at my heart when I see young people contemplating staying in a relationship, or even marrying someone, because they are afraid there is no one any better out there, or that this is the best they can do. That is what I did back in my 20s....I had already had my heart crushed by a broken engagement, so I jumped at the next chance I had to get married. I knew, literally within a few months of being married, that it was a horrible mistake. But I was a firm believer in "til death do us part," and I stayed in an unhappy marriage for 24 years, before my (now ex) husband filed for divorce. Fast forward to now: I'm in my 50s, I have a wonderful 2nd husband who makes me deliriously, blissfully happy. He is absolutely perfect for me, and I wish everyone would have the patience and wisdom to WAIT for someone they will be truly happy with.
It is so much better to get out of a mediocre relationship, and to get back into the dating scene AGAIN, at your relatively young age, than to spend decades regretting your choice of a partner.
I think this last paragraph is what's going on here. I think she is just crappy at expressing how she feels. There were definitely times where she'd tell me, unprovoked, that she really liked me. Then there are times where I don't hear from her for an entire day, or two, or three. Who knows what's going on in her mind? Maybe my expectations are too high. But I just feel like I'm the one doing most of the physical leg work in the relationship.
So, since we haven't really talked about anything yet, she texted me yesterday evening and this morning asking me about my evening and then proceeded to ask what I had going on this weekend. So, even though I didn't really hear from her for a few days this week, she still seems interested in what's going on with me. But maybe this is just because she doesn't have anything going on and she's looking for someone to hang out with and I'm the only significant option. Who knows. I'm just tired of figuring that out.
As I had mentioned, this just doesn't sound right to me. I have had some relationships that were pretty intense, even if they eventually did not work out. The fact that she isn't in touch regularly says something and that you are the one who is doing all the work. I hate to say it, but I think she is taking advantage of you and may have other stuff going on. My Dad said something once, that "if a person is really interested, they would not be leaving you alone". The sooner you get out, the sooner you can focus on yourself and maybe eventually find someone who will be more appropriate.
As I had mentioned, this just doesn't sound right to me. I have had some relationships that were pretty intense, even if they eventually did not work out. The fact that she isn't in touch regularly says something and that you are the one who is doing all the work. I hate to say it, but I think she is taking advantage of you and may have other stuff going on. My Dad said something once, that "if a person is really interested, they would not be leaving you alone". The sooner you get out, the sooner you can focus on yourself and maybe eventually find someone who will be more appropriate.
This. At the 3-month stage, Fleur, you two should be almost inseparable, if things were really clicking. She's still lukewarm, even if she says she's not, and even if she cries when you suggest moving on. Actions speak louder than words, that must be what's confusing you--the contradiction between her actions and her words. But if you two were into each other, you'd be seeing each other every weekend, if there were no other demands on your time.
Who knows, maybe she hangs out with her cokehead friends a good deal of the time. Something else is getting her attention, whatever it is.
I'm confused. You've already had his junk in your mouth at this point. You'd be opposed to kissing him on his mouth afterwards?
Hmmm.. if (straight) men only knew.. What comes out of your "junk" is a little different from saliva.. but maybe men like the taste and consistency of sour, bitter, thick phlegm...
It does sound like an "age" issue. The money talk, the lack of paying special attention to you, even the recreational use of cocaine doesn't set off too many red flags for me as far as her personally. It actually sound fairly typical. Her and YOU together as a couple however doesn't seem to be in the cards. Find someone on the same page as you, that's all.
It does sound like an "age" issue. The money talk, the lack of paying special attention to you, even the recreational use of cocaine doesn't set off too many red flags for me as far as her personally. It actually sound fairly typical. Her and YOU together as a couple however doesn't seem to be in the cards. Find someone on the same page as you, that's all.
I wouldn't chalk it up to age. There are plenty of 24/25-year-old women who aren't focussed on money and talking about the things their friends' boyfriends buy them , don't do cocaine, and who do pay attention to their boyfriends. I see it as a character issue. 3-4 years from now, she'll probably still be focussed on finding a bf with money (if she hasn't succeeded by that time), and may still be distracted, either by cocaine or by whatever is distracting her from Fleur now. I think that to brush it off as an age issue/discrepancy is to do a disservice to a lot of mid-20's women.
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, a little background explaining why I feel so strongly about this:
What comes out of your "junk" is a little different from saliva.. but maybe men like the taste and consistency of sour, bitter, thick phlegm...
, don't do cocaine, and who do pay attention to their boyfriends. I see it as a character issue. 3-4 years from now, she'll probably still be focussed on finding a bf with money (if she hasn't succeeded by that time), and may still be distracted, either by cocaine or by whatever is distracting her from Fleur now. I think that to brush it off as an age issue/discrepancy is to do a disservice to a lot of mid-20's women.