Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Well, these are not reasons to stay in a relationship.. and a relationship that is not making you feel good. It is possible to find someone who is not a "nutjob". It may be necessary to take time off from dating and focus on developing yourself in areas.
There is a time when single friends become less available, but I hate to think that the motivation to be in a relationship, would be due to being the "only single person in the group". Not unlike some women who will become engaged, married or pregnant, because all her friends are doing so. Are these reasons to make serious life decisions? No, but I'll bet many have done so, doubtless something that contributes to divorce.
The OP sees his options as staying with this girl, dating women he's physically repulsed by, or being single indefinitely while waiting for a better match. Staying with this girl apparently seems like the better option to him, so that's that.
I'm being a little more hyperbolic than I should be, but sometimes it seems that the deck is stacked against me here. Maybe I need to live in more places for better perspective.
You need stop thinking with your dick and thinking your brain. You need dump when you knew she was doing coke. I looked over so bad things my exes did because they were hot and I wanted sex.
LaFleur, I don't think anyone here is saying it's so easy to meet someone of quality who is also a good match. I am a female who was single for the majority of my adult life. I met my now-husband when I was 42 and we got married 3.5 months ago at age 45. Believe me, that was a very long wait for the right person, and yes, I did pass some of that time with the wrong ones, but I stopped doing that once I came to terms with (a) what I was doing wrong and (b) what I deserved. And yes, I did move -- I was in the DC area which I don't believe to be a good place to find a relationship.
All this being said, I'm sure you can understand why I have a hard time feeling sympathetic toward a 29-year-old male who is feeling despair over not yet being paired up. Frankly, I cannot comprehend the rush. The only reason you have provided is that everyone else is pairing up, which isn't really a valid reason for choosing to stay in a relationship which doesn't offer what you want for yourself.
I'm typing this post from a hotel room in downtown Denver where I'm visiting for a few days. My brother moved to Denver in 2009 when he was in his late 30s and single. He had to meet a lot of women before he met his current girlfriend, with whom he seems to be serious.
I don't really have any further advice. It sounds like you've made the choice to settle for right now -- and although I think you'll end up regretting that decision, it's yours to make and you may learn from it. It took me years to figure out all the mistakes I made in dating and relationships, or maybe I would have found my happiness much sooner.
LaFleur, I don't think anyone here is saying it's so easy to meet someone of quality who is also a good match. I am a female who was single for the majority of my adult life. I met my now-husband when I was 42 and we got married 3.5 months ago at age 45. Believe me, that was a very long wait for the right person, and yes, I did pass some of that time with the wrong ones, but I stopped doing that once I came to terms with (a) what I was doing wrong and (b) what I deserved. And yes, I did move -- I was in the DC area which I don't believe to be a good place to find a relationship.
All this being said, I'm sure you can understand why I have a hard time feeling sympathetic toward a 29-year-old male who is feeling despair over not yet being paired up. Frankly, I cannot comprehend the rush. The only reason you have provided is that everyone else is pairing up, which isn't really a valid reason for choosing to stay in a relationship which doesn't offer what you want for yourself.
I'm typing this post from a hotel room in downtown Denver where I'm visiting for a few days. My brother moved to Denver in 2009 when he was in his late 30s and single. He had to meet a lot of women before he met his current girlfriend, with whom he seems to be serious.
I don't really have any further advice. It sounds like you've made the choice to settle for right now -- and although I think you'll end up regretting that decision, it's yours to make and you may learn from it. It took me years to figure out all the mistakes I made in dating and relationships, or maybe I would have found my happiness much sooner.
I hope that you guys know that I'm not disregarding what you're saying. I'm listening. I'm considering it all. And I'll end up doing what's best for me, when it's best for me.
I hope that you guys know that I'm not disregarding what you're saying. I'm listening. I'm considering it all. And I'll end up doing what's best for me, when it's best for me.
And that's all you can do. I think where the commenters are taking issue, is that you ask for advice and when the overwhelming advice is to end things, you are saying it's not as bad as it sounds.
In a nutshell, they feel as if you're insulting their intelligence.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,957,550 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by weezerfan84
And that's all you can do. I think where the commenters are taking issue, is that you ask for advice and when the overwhelming advice is to end things, you are saying it's not as bad as it sounds.
In a nutshell, they feel as if you're insulting their intelligence.
Probably, but the summers coming, he's having some fun... if he can hang a little more casually and have some fun with her over the summer, AND keep an eye out for something that might be better (not actively looking, but keep an eye out, you know), there is nothing wrong with that.
And that's all you can do. I think where the commenters are taking issue, is that you ask for advice and when the overwhelming advice is to end things, you are saying it's not as bad as it sounds.
In a nutshell, they feel as if you're insulting their intelligence.
I don't feel my intelligence is being insulted. People ask for advice and ignore it all the time -- it doesn't mean the advice-giver is wrong. Since LaFleur has repeatedly stated he is seeing a serious committed relationship, I just hope he gets to a place where he wants more for himself and isn't willing to settle for less.
I'm probably wasting my time, because I and many other people have already given you good advice here. Page after page of it. And I don't remember one single post that said, "Hey Lafleur, your relationship shows a LOT of promise. You two seem really great together. You'd be a FOOL to give that up!" Quite the contrary. I understand, most people need to "live and learn" and figure life and relationships out from their own mistakes. But those of us who have already done a lot of living-and-learning have gained a lot of wisdom that could spare you a lot of pain.
In response to the parts above that I bolded, I and one other person posted a lot about focusing on improving your own self. Quality attracts quality. I don't remember the post #s, but if it matters enough to you, you can search my posts. I can promise you that the things I wrote to you are worth reading, pondering, and applying.
One last thought: are you close enough to one or both of your parents to talk with them about this?
That's why I said this thread should have been over 40 pages ago... jeez!
Probably, but the summers coming, he's having some fun... if he can hang a little more casually and have some fun with her over the summer, AND keep an eye out for something that might be better (not actively looking, but keep an eye out, you know), there is nothing wrong with that.
I'm in a situation with a friend that I would like to date now, yet she doesn't feel the same. We hang out once or so a week and we're both actively out in the dating field. It doesn't bother me that she's dating other people, because she was honest and upfront from the very beginning. I just ended up not being the guy she could see herself with.
I've met other women since her and they've been equally disappointing. One was 26 and divorced with a couple kids. That's not that big of a deal. Then while we met up, she mentioned that she's still legally married to her second husband, because she doesn't have the money to get divorced and she's already filed bankruptcy in her life. She even mentioned she would like more of a man to help her with her situation. That's not the kind of woman I'm after, but was unaware she had all of that going on.
Another woman I met up with didn't drive, which wasn't too big of an issue either. Once we started talking I could see that she lacked the kind of ambition I would like from a woman. She wants a man who will lead her and she can ultimately be submissive to him. That's not a turn on for me at all.
My point to get across is that he doesn't want to see his girlfriend casually. As in end the relationship and fall back to dating. He wants full on commitment and he's finding himself in situations where he's just not able to get that. Casual can be fun when you're having trouble meeting that special someone, but it can be hell when you aren't meeting that special someone and you wish you were more crazy about some of the people you're seeing casually.
It's just really stinking hard to fall in love these days and have it last. Just like my friend I mentioned above. She doesn't even know what she's looking for, but she knows she wants a relationship. I have a pretty good idea what I'm looking for and I've came close, I just haven't found it yet.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,957,550 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by weezerfan84
My point to get across is that he doesn't want to see his girlfriend casually. As in end the relationship and fall back to dating. He wants full on commitment and he's finding himself in situations where he's just not able to get that. Casual can be fun when you're having trouble meeting that special someone, but it can be hell when you aren't meeting that special someone and you wish you were more crazy about some of the people you're seeing casually.
I know he doesn't, but I don't (and I don't think most people here do) think he is going to get anything more than casual with her. She's young, and doesn't seem overly mature for her young years (average) while Laf is older than his years.
So, have fun and be open to something more serious. Trying to force this to be serious isn't going to lead to any dividends, I don't believe.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
