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I know he doesn't, but I don't (and I don't think most people here do) think he is going to get anything more than casual with her. She's young, and doesn't seem overly mature for her young years (average) while Laf is older than his years.
So, have fun and be open to something more serious. Trying to force this to be serious isn't going to lead to any dividends, I don't believe.
But to advocate using her for companionship and as a placeholder until someone else better comes along?
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,962,945 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Liberty2011
But to advocate using her for companionship and as a placeholder until someone else better comes along?
Sure, if she sees this as casual, and she apparently does, why not? Nothing wrong with casually dating until you meet someone that really knocks your socks off. It seems like he likes having the companion to do stuff with, as does she.
Sure, if she sees this as casual, and she apparently does, why not? Nothing wrong with casually dating until you meet someone that really knocks your socks off. It seems like he likes having the companion to do stuff with, as does she.
He does, but ultimately he wants to be serious. I don't think he can see her casually like he is now, but still have the energy to actually date other women with potential long-term compatibility. For instance, I know I couldn't do it. If I'm seeing someone continuously 2-3 days a week and we're talking quite a bit, I'm putting a lot of energy into that person. Even if it's not long-term potential, I'm placing a lot of my time and energy to keep something casual going on. By doing so, I'm taking myself away from the chance of fully being available to meet a woman who better suits me.
I don't think there's anything wrong with pursuing casual relationships, but you have to be realistic. I see my friend once a week at most and I see my FWB once a week at best. My FWB and I meet up usually on a Friday or Saturday night when I'm not planning on going out and doing anything anyways.
My friend and I will meet up on different days at different times. I would imagine for Lafluer, he can do casual with the woman he's with, but he's going to have to set boundaries in order to be able to actively be out and date. The two women I mentioned above are also actively dating and they're not placing any more time than once a week in the bucket for us to hang out and why would they? If you start spending that much time together, why are you not dating? See my point?
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,962,945 times
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I do, and it may not be for him, but I think he does himself a disservice by not keeping his eyes open while doing this, since he seems like he wants to stick this out for a bit. It's often easier to connect with people of the other sex when you're not looking, or you are in a relationship, since you don't put pressure on yourself (which he does sometime). Since this isn't likely "the one", no reason to have blinders on.
I know he doesn't, but I don't (and I don't think most people here do) think he is going to get anything more than casual with her. She's young, and doesn't seem overly mature for her young years (average) while Laf is older than his years.
So, have fun and be open to something more serious. Trying to force this to be serious isn't going to lead to any dividends, I don't believe.
It's not just guys who force it. Women force it too. From my experience, they want to know what they're stepping in after a week or two. I've had some that wanted to know what they were stepping in after a first date. Truthfully, I want to know just so I know how to proceed. If I'm wanting to date a woman and she just sees friendship, then I don't need to be cutting out a lot of time in my life to see her. It's not going to fulfill what I'm ultimately after and it puts her in a tough spot of feeling bad.
That's the same vibe I get from a woman too. If she's relationship bound, she may have a guy or two she sees in super casual settings, but the moment she meets that right guy, she's not going to be as focused on those casual settings any longer.
I'd get out. I am not interested in anyone who is overly into money and materialistic. Also the drug thing would be a no go for me to. It just doesn't sound like a good match to me.
I do, and it may not be for him, but I think he does himself a disservice by not keeping his eyes open while doing this, since he seems like he wants to stick this out for a bit. It's often easier to connect with people of the other sex when you're not looking, or you are in a relationship, since you don't put pressure on yourself (which he does sometime). Since this isn't likely "the one", no reason to have blinders on.
That's all I'm saying.
I know what you're saying. Just have to be careful that it doesn't backfire, like the off chance the new person you're talking to knows the person you're "dating" or messing around with. It can quickly become a slippery slope.
In a nutshell, they feel as if you're insulting their intelligence.
I disagree. Taking consideration of someone's advice and not applying it to a particular instance is far different than telling someone their advice is inapplicable and useless. The latter would be insulting their intelligence. I'm certainly listening, and may very well apply this advice in due time. I just want something more substantial and concrete to push me over the edge. But until then, as timberline has indicated, I'm going to play this out and at least have a little fun in the meantime. It beats the hell out of my current, immediate alternatives.
I just want something more substantial and concrete to push me over the edge.
Like what?
Quote:
But until then, as timberline has indicated, I'm going to play this out and at least have a little fun in the meantime. It beats the hell out of my current, immediate alternatives.
I think that really is the disconnect between us all. You're okay spending precious time with someone you likely have no future with, where others of us would rather be alone than do that.
I think that really is the disconnect between us all. You're okay spending precious time with someone you likely have no future with, where others of us would rather be alone than do that.
Yes yes yes. None of us are harping if you wanted to spend a day a week together or maybe even two. You're spending ample time with her and she appears to be the only person you're communicating with. You're doing yourself a disservice by doing that. You're spending ample time with one person, much like what most people do when they're wanting to form a relationship with them. You're basically accepting whatever she'll give you, and that's fine, but just remember the more time you are spending with her the less time you're out and about meeting women. Think about that.
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