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Cost of living is fairly cheap here and I don't think it's in our best interest to move right now.
She told me last night I should have never married her because she isn't the right type of girl for me. She wants to better herself and not live in a dumb people area with no culture other than rednecks.
Since I've tried explaining my side, she's not really speaking to me. She said it hurts that I choose this crap town over her. It's not that at all. I just think we've got a good thing going now, why mess it up so early? I'm probably leaving some stuff out but she has me stressed so I figured I'd get some advice.
Move out of that sh*t hole town and start living in the real world. It costs more from a small town's perspective, but so does moving out of your parents house. Small towns are america's white ghettos.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,962,945 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by aparker2005
It's a town of about 2k people. We both work around 30 minutes away from home. Nearest city that has a ton of stuff is around an hour away, and we go there a lot and hang out with our friends.
Oh damn, that is barely even a town. It's more like a micro hamlet.
Is work in between where you are and the city? How far is the commute to work from the city?
I'd rather drive and hour each way than live in a tiny rural area at that age, myself.
Hey guys. My wife and I, 28,26, have been married coming on 3 years. We live in a small town and both have good paying jobs. We have a lot of bills and medical expenses on her end, but we always make ends meet and are still able to do fun things we like occasionally. We bought our first home a year ago next month.
Her work keeps her very stressed as people call all through the night (she's a medical lab tech supervisor) and work her a lot. Her boss is one of my exs aunt and still to this day gives her trouble about it. She makes good money though and there are no other jobs around for her to take, so she stays. She has her associates degree.
I have my bachelor's with a good job as well. She now wants us to move so she can go to dentistry school. I support the idea, but realistically, we can't afford for her to take a pay cut and me be the only one working to pay our bills. Plus I don't want to move that far away period, especially after just buying a house. Cost of living is fairly cheap here and I don't think it's in our best interest to move right now.
She told me last night I should have never married her because she isn't the right type of girl for me. She wants to better herself and not live in a dumb people area with no culture other than rednecks.
Since I've tried explaining my side, she's not really speaking to me. She said it hurts that I choose this crap town over her. It's not that at all. I just think we've got a good thing going now, why mess it up so early? I'm probably leaving some stuff out but she has me stressed so I figured I'd get some advice.
She is upset and angry, and if she said this she is either using it to bully you or is contemplating her future married to you against her desire to build a life somewhere else.
Honestly OP, communication is a huge key and when these kinds of statements get tossed around that communication has already broken down.
Ultimately, where the two of you live, and how you live, MUST be a joint decision that takes the wants and needs of both parties together.
Would you never leave that town? Would you consider leaving for a few years for her to get a degree, then looking for a mutually acceptable place to settle? Is there some sort of middle ground YOU would consider (do not worry if she would yet).
Ultimately, a middle ground needs to be found, and the two of you need to be willing and content to live with it.
So yes, I would say absolutely get into some couples counseling where you can get some help facilitating what will be some difficult things to communicate on!
Best of luck OP! Big differences in major life decisions are very tough to resolve, but they are not insurmountable.
And while I understand bettering yourself, I was a production worker before I got my current job. I made more on it than I do now, but because I was in production and not salary, I was always pressured by her to not be a "pee on".
I'm happy with my job, but a lot of times wish I had stayed at my old position simply because I made much more money and wasn't unhappy about it.
Her mother I think has a big part in it. She's one that goes to school and gets a degree, and works somewhere for a year or 2, and is then unhappy and moves and goes back to college. Currently owes nearly 200k in student loans. I'm not dealing with that if she's starting to pick that up.
I guess I don't want to move because all of everything I know is here. Family,friends our church, and where I grew up. I guess I'm comfortable. I'd rather live here and go to a bigger city for vacation purposes. I lived in a bigger city during college and it just wasn't for me even with more to do.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,962,945 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by aparker2005
I guess I don't want to move because all of everything I know is here. Family,friends our church, and where I grew up. I guess I'm comfortable. I'd rather live here and go to a bigger city for vacation purposes. I lived in a bigger city during college and it just wasn't for me even with more to do.
Maybe I am the hang up, I dunno.
It would have been good to know that from the beginning. That's a totally different thing. I get where she is coming from.
I guess I don't want to move because all of everything I know is here. Family,friends our church, and where I grew up. I guess I'm comfortable. I'd rather live here and go to a bigger city for vacation purposes. I lived in a bigger city during college and it just wasn't for me even with more to do.
Maybe I am the hang up, I dunno.
I do not see much room for compromise on your end.
Are you willing to get divorced over your choice of town to live in?
I ask because that could very well be the road your heading down.
I don't want that to be the outcome but I also don't think I'd like living in a larger area again. Closer to our friends an hour North, sure I may would definitely consider that.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news but she isn't into you.
She is unhappy. She thought it was the 1st house. A bit after you two moved into a larger house, she now thinks it is the town. It seems likely that even if you move to a new city, she will still be uncomfortable. Then what?
When my wife and I were first together, we could have lived in a van by the river and would have been happy. Even now, after 40 years, she would no way choose a different city over me.
I am not suggesting you split. Keep in mind, her quest for happiness may end up costing quite a bit of money without success. I just don't see this working out.
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