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Old 04-09-2015, 10:37 AM
 
Location: St. Catharines, ON
718 posts, read 613,449 times
Reputation: 1024

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I'm a little confused about the concept with alimony.

The other day I was having a conversation with my friend about an aunt of hers. Her aunt is in her mid 30's and a divorcee. She was married to her husband for 12 years before they divorced. They did not have children or own a house. However, when they divorced, she was granted alimony/spousal support.

Her aunt is currently seeing another man, they've been together for over a year now, but she still receives alimony from her ex-husband. I guess the woman does not plan to get remarried anytime soon because she does not want to lose the income from her ex. However, she does not work and stays at home. Still no children. The income from her ex-husband is currently being used to cover the expenses of her new relationship.

She's not working, being supported by her boyfriend and still receiving money from her ex-husband? I suppose I feel like this was a little shady on the woman's part. I don't really get why spouses need "support" after a divorce if they do not have mortgages or children from the marriage.

The woman is also in her 30's with only a high school diploma. She never went to college, which I could *almost* understand if she had children to take care of, but she simply did not go for whatever reasons. If she is unable to take care of herself, isn't it really her own fault?

I'm wondering if any people on here have some experience with alimony and how you feel about it? I don't really know too much on it, but from this story, I feel like it's very shady and borderline abusive.
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Old 04-09-2015, 10:44 AM
 
Location: California side of the Sierras
11,162 posts, read 7,591,600 times
Reputation: 12523
Sometimes in marriage one spouse puts off their own education/career advancement in order to support the other spouse. Maybe they work two jobs and put the spouse through school. Maybe they leave their job and move to another area so their spouse can accept a promotion. Maybe they entertain and socialize and help their spouse advance that way.

So then the marriage ends and one spouse has significantly more earning potential than the other. Alimony is a way to give the lower earning spouse a chance to get on their feet. Alimony for life nowadays is very unusual. Probably the woman you know will receive alimony only for a certain length of time.
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Old 04-09-2015, 10:44 AM
 
Location: Philadelphia, PA
545 posts, read 629,261 times
Reputation: 376
I wonder if women would behave differently if all men just refused to get officially married.
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Old 04-09-2015, 10:45 AM
 
4,613 posts, read 4,775,253 times
Reputation: 4097
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ashleyga View Post
She's not working, being supported by her boyfriend and still receiving money from her ex-husband? I suppose I feel like this was a little shady on the woman's part. I don't really get why spouses need "support" after a divorce if they do not have mortgages or children from the marriage.

The woman is also in her 30's with only a high school diploma. She never went to college, which I could *almost* understand if she had children to take care of, but she simply did not go for whatever reasons. If she is unable to take care of herself, isn't it really her own fault?

I'm wondering if any people on here have some experience with alimony and how you feel about it? I don't really know too much on it, but from this story, I feel like it's very shady and borderline abusive.
Such is the nature of the world we live in. Things that are put in place to assist those in need are taken advantage of (welfare is another example). Are there some who need it? Sure. Are there those who take advantage of it for less than honorable reasons? You bet your ass.

My parents divorced, and my father had to pay alimony despite gaining full custody of the kids. Some of the related rulings included things like paying for my mother's car insurance, for example. She had long since sold the car, but didn't tell him for years, just so he'd continue paying for something to punish him.

Beyond spite, getting people to turn down free money is a hard sell, even if they don't deserve it (and good luck getting most people to believe that they "don't deserve" anything.
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Old 04-09-2015, 10:46 AM
 
Location: NY
9,131 posts, read 19,887,033 times
Reputation: 11706
Unless you know all their financial details, there is nothing to base a judgment on here.

Spousal support, maintenance, alimony, or whatever it is called is usually awarded when there is a significant discrepancy in individual income between a couple when they get divorced, (either due to widely differing salaries, or one spouse not earning an income and the household living off the other income. The true intent is to allow the lower income spouse, who as a married couple was reliant on the higher income spouse for some living expenses, to continue to receive that support after divorce for a reasonable amount of time. Generally, it is not indefinite and has a specified time period attached to it. Dating or other relationships do not factor in.

I have known both men and women to be ordered to pay support too, for varying lengths of time. It is not gender specific. Other bills and assets, or children, would not directly factor in. Assets such as a home, if bought during the marriage, is divisible in marriage. One spouse could buy out the other's share, it could be sold and the profits divided, etc. That is separate than alimony. Child support is a separate issue and payment as well.

The specifics of what can and is included in the consideration of alimony also vary by state, since every state has different laws on it. My wife had to pay alimony to her ex for a while, as part of what was a complicated financial settlement where she also ended up saddled with most of the debt and responsibility to sell off assets to minimize the debts.

Really, since the total financial picture matters, there is no one hard set generalization that fits.
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Old 04-09-2015, 10:49 AM
 
Location: Jupiter
10,216 posts, read 8,269,627 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by OvernightDelivery View Post
I wonder if women would behave differently if all men just refused to get officially married.
They wouldn't care. There will always be men who want to marry.
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Old 04-09-2015, 10:50 AM
 
229 posts, read 243,472 times
Reputation: 254
Quote:
Originally Posted by Petunia 100 View Post
Sometimes in marriage one spouse puts off their own education/career advancement in order to support the other spouse. Maybe they work two jobs and put the spouse through school. Maybe they leave their job and move to another area so their spouse can accept a promotion. Maybe they entertain and socialize and help their spouse advance that way.

So then the marriage ends and one spouse has significantly more earning potential than the other. Alimony is a way to give the lower earning spouse a chance to get on their feet. Alimony for life nowadays is very unusual. Probably the woman you know will receive alimony only for a certain length of time.
That is commonly used as an excuse, but how many times does it really work out in life that the woman actually goes on to have some sort of career? A lot of time, the woman has kids, never goes back to work, and that is her choice. Causes a lot of contention. And this is also used later on when they divorce.

Alimony is used as a weapon against men, plain and simple and it's being revised in a lot of states to fix the inequity
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Old 04-09-2015, 10:52 AM
 
Location: St. Catharines, ON
718 posts, read 613,449 times
Reputation: 1024
Quote:
Originally Posted by Checkered24 View Post
Unless you know all their financial details, there is nothing to base a judgment on here.

Spousal support, maintenance, alimony, or whatever it is called is usually awarded when there is a significant discrepancy in individual income between a couple when they get divorced, (either due to widely differing salaries, or one spouse not earning an income and the household living off the other income. The true intent is to allow the lower income spouse, who as a married couple was reliant on the higher income spouse for some living expenses, to continue to receive that support after divorce for a reasonable amount of time. Generally, it is not indefinite and has a specified time period attached to it. Dating or other relationships do not factor in.

I have known both men and women to be ordered to pay support too, for varying lengths of time. It is not gender specific. Other bills and assets, or children, would not directly factor in. Assets such as a home, if bought during the marriage, is divisible in marriage. One spouse could buy out the other's share, it could be sold and the profits divided, etc. That is separate than alimony. Child support is a separate issue and payment as well.

The specifics of what can and is included in the consideration of alimony also vary by state, since every state has different laws on it. My wife had to pay alimony to her ex for a while, as part of what was a complicated financial settlement where she also ended up saddled with most of the debt and responsibility to sell off assets to minimize the debts.

I agree that alimony for a spouse who needs it, is reasonable, and I can definitely understand that. I don't think it would be fair to throw her out on the street after 12 years of marriage.

However, the thing that I find strange is that they've been divorced for over a year now, and she is in a new relationship with a live-in boyfriend who has a job (obviously). She is unemployed, so I assume her new boyfriend covers the expenses + ex-husband's alimony. She didn't get a college degree, for whatever reasons, but even now (divorced), she does not go to school. She is deliberately putting off marriage; as she has said herself that she does not want to get married because she will lose her alimony, even though she already has someone else (the new boyfriend) taking care of her.

I feel like that is a little abusive of the system because she does not necessarily /need/ it.
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Old 04-09-2015, 10:59 AM
 
Location: NY
9,131 posts, read 19,887,033 times
Reputation: 11706
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ashleyga View Post
I agree that alimony for a spouse who needs it is reasonable, and I can definitely understand that. I don't think it would be fair to throw her out on the street after 12 years of marriage.

However, the thing that I find strange is that they've been divorced for over a year now, she is in a new relationship with a live-in boyfriend. She is unemployed, so I assume her new boyfriend covers the expenses + ex-husband's alimony. She didn't get a college degree, for whatever reasons, but even now (divorced), she does not go to school. She is deliberately putting off marriage; as she has said herself that she does not want to get married because she will lose her alimony.

I feel like that is a little abusive of the system because she does not necessarily /need/ it.
It might be abusive and it might not. The devil is truely in the details.

If she got the award because as a couple they decided she did not have to have a job, the alimony was awarded to allow that arrangement to continue. So not running out to get a job, or marry a new white knight to me is not an underhanded tactic on her part. She is just benefiting from the court's divorce agreement, the terms of which the ex husband might have agreed to through negotiation too (for all we know).

It also may be a stretch to assume a marriage is actually being delayed here, even if she claims so. Talk in this regard is cheap.
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Old 04-09-2015, 10:59 AM
 
Location: The Hall of Justice
25,901 posts, read 42,557,728 times
Reputation: 42767
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ashleyga View Post
I agree that alimony for a spouse who needs it, is reasonable, and I can definitely understand that. I don't think it would be fair to throw her out on the street after 12 years of marriage.

However, the thing that I find strange is that they've been divorced for over a year now, and she is in a new relationship with a live-in boyfriend who has a job (obviously). She is unemployed, so I assume her new boyfriend covers the expenses + ex-husband's alimony. She didn't get a college degree, for whatever reasons, but even now (divorced), she does not go to school. She is deliberately putting off marriage; as she has said herself that she does not want to get married because she will lose her alimony, even though she already has someone else (the new boyfriend) taking care of her.

I feel like that is a little abusive of the system because she does not necessarily /need/ it.
I agree that it is abusive, but the state can't legally obligate the boyfriend to take over the ex-husband's contract (i.e., marry her). Or are you arguing that they should?

They weren't married that long, and I assume she is able-bodied. How long does he have to provide spousal support?
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