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OP, are you hoping the break leads to a breakup or a reconciliation? Your answer to that question should dictate how you conduct yourself during the break.
There's more to the story, but too much to post here. I'm not the kind of person who would have a ton (or even one) 1NS over a couple weeks, but I've always wanted to see how Tinder works, for example.
You know, that might be a good thing. After some experience with random "what's out there", you might find yourself running back to the familiar arms of your SO. It could scare you into an appreciation of what you have with her, or at least, a desire to try to make it work.
Today, my SO requested that we take a break after a fight involving a misunderstanding in communication. I'm aware that "breaks" almost without exception lead to full-on breakups, so I know that things look grim now. I've also heard that it is often an excuse to screw around without guilt. Now, my SO is incredibly loyal and I would never in a million years be afraid of her cheating on me, but even so, a small part of me can't help but wonder. I asked that we define the terms and rules of this break we're taking so there are no misunderstandings and hurt feelings and she just said "I don't know, I just really need one".
I know things don't look good now, but in general, would you say it's acceptable to date/flirt with/sleep with others when on a vaguely-defined break like this? I pride myself very strongly in not being a cheater, but I feel like it would be a good idea to see what's out there.
Fixed that for you.
Don't mean to be flip. But if you're asking for rules and guidelines for 'taking a break' you're not going to get any. "Taking a break" translates to "You know, I'm getting really tired of being with you." Which means that the other person won't cotton to your trying to control her behavior, for those rules are really the residue of a relationship she wasn't enjoying in the first place. The fact that she 'really need[s] one' is telling me that she's finding the relationship suffocating. Trying to control her with rules just cements that notion.
Who knows? Maybe she doesn't have someone on the bench. But the minute she's taking a break with you, your opinion stops mattering. Instead, I think telling her 'fine' and then dating someone else is probably the best idea. Because you're no longer seeing her. You've taken a break, so it's not cheating. See how that works?
Don't mean to be flip. But if you're asking for rules and guidelines for 'taking a break' you're not going to get any. "Taking a break" translates to "You know, I'm getting really tired of being with you." Which means that the other person won't cotton to your trying to control her behavior, for those rules are really the residue of a relationship she wasn't enjoying in the first place. The fact that she 'really need[s] one' is telling me that she's finding the relationship suffocating.
Who knows? Maybe she doesn't have someone on the bench. But the minute she's taking a break with you, your opinion stops mattering. Instead, I think telling her 'fine' and then dating someone else is probably the best idea. Because you're no longer seeing her. You've taken a break, so it's not cheating. See how that works?
I do. So back to my other question: how often is initiating a break just an excuse to screw around? That would seem completely out of character for my SO, but I did find it suspicious that she wouldn't agree to define the rules of our break with me even after I asked her to. Her response when I asked a second time was "*shrugs*".
I do. So back to my other question: how often is initiating a break just an excuse to screw around? That would seem completely out of character for my SO, but I did find it suspicious that she wouldn't agree to define the rules of our break with me even after I asked her to. Her response when I asked a second time was "*shrugs*".
I can't think of a situation where I'd ask someone who I wanted to be with for a break. Doesn't sound like she's very worried about losing you.
I do. So back to my other question: how often is initiating a break just an excuse to screw around? That would seem completely out of character for my SO, but I did find it suspicious that she wouldn't agree to define the rules of our break with me even after I asked her to. Her response when I asked a second time was "*shrugs*".
72.3%.
Seriously? I have no idea. But it's always a possibility if not an outright likelihood.
But she wouldn't agree to define the rules of the break because -- listen carefully -- she doesn't want you telling her what to do. It could be a matter of what she does or who she does. But she doesn't want it from you. Period. End of story.
Hey, if she comes back, great. She might be one of that small minority of people to whom taking a break is really taking a break. But for the large majority, it's a way of letting you down more easily. You need to really think of it in that way.
And, with that in mind, she's not 'screwing around' if she scorches the sheets with someone else. Instead, she's 'moving on.' For there's no longer a relationship between the two of you.
Obviously, you're unable to resolve your relationship problems together, and taking a break isn't going to make things better. Its best to end it, indefinitely. No silly guidelines.
Btw: good chances, theres a third person involved in someway when someone initiates a break. It doesn't make much sense to work out your relationship issues apart, but it makes more sense to have space/break to try out another relationship.
I do. So back to my other question: how often is initiating a break just an excuse to screw around? That would seem completely out of character for my SO, but I did find it suspicious that she wouldn't agree to define the rules of our break with me even after I asked her to. Her response when I asked a second time was "*shrugs*".
Maybe that's not suspicious. Maybe she doesn't know what you're talking about. Give her an example and explain why defining the break terms is important.
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