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Old 04-15-2015, 07:21 PM
 
1,505 posts, read 1,806,451 times
Reputation: 2748

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Originally Posted by dixiemur View Post
Well, I texted him monday, having not heard from him since thursday nite. I just said, 'I've been thinking about you and hope all's well', he texted back 'Everything's fine'. I asked him to call me, and what I feared happened. He said '...It was a tough week...this is new for me...you're the first person I've dated...I'm just taking my time...I hope you stay around because I'd like to see you again...I'll talk to you later..." The thing is, I want to see him again, and hope to develop a relationship with him, but I know I shouldn't just wait for him to call.

Also, I just met someone else, who seems like a great guy too (when it rains it pours) but I don't know 'how' to date him, while hoping the other guy will come around; this sounds shady. I suppose I could be honest with both and say I'm seeing someone else too. I would not be intimate with either while dating both; I can't imagine that would go over well?

What are your thoughts? I'm looking for sincere, not mean-spirited advice please.

For a while, the "celebration" creates grief all over again. He is dealing with his grief, the grief of his children and the fact that his children don't want him to date now. He has a lot on his plate. He may like your company but he is not emotionally ready for the kind of relationship that you want. Date other people. It may be years before he is ready for a long term relationship.
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Old 04-16-2015, 03:35 PM
 
332 posts, read 285,706 times
Reputation: 396
(Two conversations going on here?) Anyway, he came by last night to visit. I really like him, and I think if I can be very patient, we could have a relationship. I think he's moving on ok, but his kids aren't. He has to lead a double life, in a way? I'm almost 55, so I don't want to wait so long to expect normal relationship activities. He's a good guy. Should I just continue to see where it goes with him and continue to date others, how will I know when I will be accepted by his kids? Or should I ask him when he sees me being accepted by the kids? Thank you.
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Old 04-16-2015, 03:53 PM
 
4,828 posts, read 4,271,640 times
Reputation: 4766
Quote:
Originally Posted by dixiemur View Post
(Two conversations going on here?) Anyway, he came by last night to visit. I really like him, and I think if I can be very patient, we could have a relationship. I think he's moving on ok, but his kids aren't. He has to lead a double life, in a way? I'm almost 55, so I don't want to wait so long to expect normal relationship activities. He's a good guy. Should I just continue to see where it goes with him and continue to date others, how will I know when I will be accepted by his kids? Or should I ask him when he sees me being accepted by the kids? Thank you.

Dating others is completely unfair if your heart is truly somewhere else. If you chose to date other people, you need to be upfront and honest first and foremost. Even if it means saying that you are more interested in someone else, but are on board for friends. Ultimately, that's really what you're looking for, because you're already willing to be patient for the guy you really like.

There's nothing wrong with that, you just need to be honest. You can't have one foot in the boat and the other foot on the dock. It just doesn't work that way. I see nothing wrong with waiting on your current man patiently, but communicate that to any man who does or doesn't see you as more than a friend. Just because your current guy is giving you blurred lines, doesn't mean you get to do that with other men. You need to be completely transparent first and foremost. No need to go into deep detail, but do be honest.

Did I mention being honest?
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Old 04-16-2015, 03:53 PM
 
6,319 posts, read 7,224,411 times
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you can just date him without worrying about the kids?
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Old 04-27-2015, 01:48 PM
 
5,198 posts, read 5,263,657 times
Reputation: 13249
Quote:
Originally Posted by ChessieMom View Post
I'm not being mean. Just that if you have some emotional issues that prevent you from handling normal everyday life (which apparently you do?) then dating, I would think, would be one of the last things you need to worry about. Of course you can be alone. I would think that most people that can't handle dating, would do better alone, frankly.
I am no fan of cinderslipper but this is a horrible thing to say.


I met and married my husband while in the throes of my clinical depression.

This is the exact attitude that prevents people from seeking help.

What a moronic post.
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