My fiance had an affair and now has a child (women, lover)

[Themanwithnoname]

Originally Posted by JustJulia

Fact: Woman has filed for paternity testing (which would be the proof) but fiance ignores it and refuses to do anything.

Is it?

[D217]

Originally Posted by Themanwithnoname

Is it?

You can gain a lot of insight into a situation by the way a person words the title of their own thread...

[anadyr21]

Out of curiosity, if you've got a 5 year old with your "fiance," and you're "Christian," why are you not married? By no means am I saying that you can't have a stable relationship/family without being married. I just don't understand why in your case, you're not. Is there a particular reason you two aren't married? That's my first red flag.

Why did YOU get a message via social media about this other child? (I'm asking based on how you worded the sentence). Why did your fiance lie and call this woman "crazy," which required you to "investigate?" Why do you need to investigate anything? The situation was a fairly simple explanation, and while it would be unacceptable to me, technically, he didn't cheat. If he had come right out and said what happened, you could at least consider his actions to simply be bad judgement and work through it. More red flags.

Regardless of what type of woman this is, or what her profession may or may not be, you said that they formed "some type of relationship," even if it was strictly monetary. So, this woman was good enough to lay up with, without protection, but is not the type that he wants to have "a situation" with? Red flags galore.

You described your relationship as having "ups and downs, but nothing too horrible." What the heck do you consider to be horrible, because this fits the criterion? You've known about this possibility for at least 3 years. So, are you saying that the paternity question hasn't been that big of a deal to you for the last 3 years? I mean, you're still with the guy. Are you now questioning whether or not you want to be with him?

Your fiance is a liar. I'd bet the house that he's lied about a lot of other things too. Whether or not he's an actual cheat is debatable. He will not accept any responsibility for his actions. He could take the doggone test and be done with it, one way or the other. You're not his wife. It's not your responsibility to make this work, especially since he won't. You already know what type of man you have. It's not wrong or right to break up with him. It's not wrong or right to stay with him. It's simply your personal decision. But, if you leave, are you sure he's going to pay child support?

[MIKEETC]

Originally Posted by starbuckslover1

First let me start by saying I am a mother to a 5 year old and reside with my fiancé. We have been through ups and downs as most relationships , but nothing to horrible. About 3 years ago I received a message through social media that my child was going to have a sibling. I was absolutely devastated, after speaking with my fiancé he told me it was not his child and the girl was crazy. This instantly told me there was more to the story so I began to do some investigating. After so much I ultimately found out that during a short few months of our break up a few years back he hooked up with a woman who he met going out with friends. She was one of those girls that were there to party with everyone and was getting paid for the entertainment, for some reason he formed some sort of relationship with her, had sex several times during our break up with her. She then contacted him when she realized she was pregnant saying that he might be the father, she was unsure because she was also in a relationship with someone at the time. Well needless to say when the baby was born she had her boyfriend tested and it was not his child. She also had a few other guys tested and now my fiancé is the last one that is suspected of being the father. In my opinion he is the father , he looks just like that child. She has filed for child support and paternity testing, but he refuses to respond to any of it.

...

Am I wrong to break up with my fiancé and break up my family due to his lack of heart and morals? What do people do in these situations? I do not know anyone who has been through this....

I don't see how any of this is a winning situation for you. But since its been three years, apparently it can't be that bad. With that said, my favorite of your story is in bolded red - what is she...a free taxi?

[everyone gets a ride]

[Themanwithnoname]

Originally Posted by D217

You can gain a lot of insight into a situation by the way a person words the title of their own thread...

No you can't.

You CAN see their opinions, not necessarily the real situation. (which is my point.)

[D217]

Originally Posted by Themanwithnoname

No you can't.

You CAN see their opinions, not necessarily the real situation. (which is my point.)

A valid point indeed. How in hell the OP's allowed this level of uncertainty to drag on for 3 years is just beyond me.. 6 pages and she hasn't made a second appearance yet..smh

[JustJulia]

Originally Posted by Themanwithnoname

Is it?

Just going by what the OP told us, same as you did.

[TabulaRasa]

Apparently, there is some sort of Magic 8 Ball that helps with randomly picking and choosing what information parsed out of the OP is "fact" and what information is suspect.

[Idon'tdateyou]

Originally Posted by starbuckslover1

First let me start by saying I am a mother to a 5 year old and reside with my fiancé. We have been through ups and downs as most relationships , but nothing to horrible. About 3 years ago I received a message through social media that my child was going to have a sibling. I was absolutely devastated, after speaking with my fiancé he told me it was not his child and the girl was crazy. This instantly told me there was more to the story so I began to do some investigating. After so much I ultimately found out that during a short few months of our break up a few years back he hooked up with a woman who he met going out with friends. She was one of those girls that were there to party with everyone and was getting paid for the entertainment, for some reason he formed some sort of relationship with her, had sex several times during our break up with her. She then contacted him when she realized she was pregnant saying that he might be the father, she was unsure because she was also in a relationship with someone at the time. Well needless to say when the baby was born she had her boyfriend tested and it was not his child. She also had a few other guys tested and now my fiancé is the last one that is suspected of being the father. In my opinion he is the father , he looks just like that child. She has filed for child support and paternity testing, but he refuses to respond to any of it. I will keep details private, but due to the type of woman she is he wants to avoid the situation at all cost. I do not agree with this, its a hard pill to swallow knowing that someone I love and had a child with can feel this way to a child he may have brought into this world. I am a Christian and I believe all children are gods children and no child is a mistake, but a gift from god. Its not fair that this child will potentially grown up with out a father due to issues the adults have with each other. I have offered to be there for him and go every step of the way to ensure that its a smooth transition. I decided that if it is his kid we will wait until the right time to introduce the child to ours and that I believe he needs to do the right thing. I told him even if he is a parent to the child not involving us it still is ok. I mean at least take the test and send a check right? Well he is not budging, I am not conflicted because my child is very close with his father and I would have to "break" up our family, but I can not see myself being with someone who does not take care of there children. There is a lot of people he would have to answer to such as his family about this little 3 year old out there and the disappointment they will have in him is scary. I feel I have done all I can to try and help this little 3 year old have its father. My girlfriends think I should reach out to the mother, but I feel its not my place or my responsibility. Am I wrong to break up with my fiancé and break up my family due to his lack of heart and morals? What do people do in these situations? I do not know anyone who has been through this....

I know who had been in that situation. She dumped him. You're being used by a man that doesn't love you to marry you and instead cheating. Your baby daddy is the sleaze along with the mom.

[Idon'tdateyou]

Originally Posted by Sue at the Rock

Christians often have children.

Yes but they don't go around having illegitimate children.