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Old 04-15-2015, 08:09 PM
 
Location: Kingstowne, VA
2,401 posts, read 3,634,452 times
Reputation: 2931

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I dont like being interrogated ny complete strangers. Id prefer my close, borderline flirty intergender friendships to grow into a romance, especially if there is already attraction, because they already know everything about you, they know and probably love your quirks, too. I never understood trying to forge something lifelong with a complete stranger. Its not logical to me. Theres already a genuine care and close bond, a history of memories and experiences together, why not go with that?
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Old 04-15-2015, 08:15 PM
 
35,095 posts, read 51,103,864 times
Reputation: 62664
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sommie789 View Post
It is not realistic at all

Actually it is very realistic and has happened numerous times from the moment humans became humans.

Mr. CSD and I were friends for 5 years before we became we, it is very real and very possible.

The biggest reason so many fail at dating and getting married is their expectations of the perfect human, the perfect dating life, the perfect wedding day and the perfect marriage without having to do any work toward the end goal which is sharing life with a partner.

If more would not making finding a partner the highest priority of their lives they would probably find it easier to go out and date and have less stress and allow nature to follow the course it is meant to follow.

I have never lacked for dates or husbands for that matter but I have never made the main point of my life being in a relationship.
If I was great, if I wasn't great. I still went out, did what I wanted and lived my life and had a great time.
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Old 04-15-2015, 08:28 PM
 
Location: Scottsdale, AZ
16,961 posts, read 17,288,409 times
Reputation: 30257
Quote:
Originally Posted by ColorsWolf View Post
I think its' far more realistic to be friends with someone for years and then have that friendship naturally progress into being lovers.
How realistic is a friend going to remain single for years, just waiting for something to happen between the two of you?

Odds are, he/she, you will find that special someone that will spark that instant chemistry.
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Old 04-15-2015, 08:30 PM
 
3,350 posts, read 2,840,523 times
Reputation: 2258
Quote:
Originally Posted by CSD610 View Post
Actually it is very realistic and has happened numerous times from the moment humans became humans.

Mr. CSD and I were friends for 5 years before we became we, it is very real and very possible.

The biggest reason so many fail at dating and getting married is their expectations of the perfect human, the perfect dating life, the perfect wedding day and the perfect marriage without having to do any work toward the end goal which is sharing life with a partner.

If more would not making finding a partner the highest priority of their lives they would probably find it easier to go out and date and have less stress and allow nature to follow the course it is meant to follow.

I have never lacked for dates or husbands for that matter but I have never made the main point of my life being in a relationship.
If I was great, if I wasn't great. I still went out, did what I wanted and lived my life and had a great time.
That is great for you.
But some people tried to be friends get with someone and it fails.
Some people feed lies by their parents.
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Old 04-15-2015, 08:36 PM
 
3,350 posts, read 2,840,523 times
Reputation: 2258
Quote:
Originally Posted by Yiuppy View Post
I dont like being interrogated ny complete strangers. Id prefer my close, borderline flirty intergender friendships to grow into a romance, especially if there is already attraction, because they already know everything about you, they know and probably love your quirks, too. I never understood trying to forge something lifelong with a complete stranger. Its not logical to me. Theres already a genuine care and close bond, a history of memories and experiences together, why not go with that?
I lost my best friend because we decide to date.
Our friends were in the middle the drama.
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Old 04-15-2015, 09:17 PM
 
Location: Middle of the valley
48,436 posts, read 34,627,532 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hawaiiancoconut View Post
How realistic is a friend going to remain single for years, just waiting for something to happen between the two of you?

Odds are, he/she, you will find that special someone that will spark that instant chemistry.
I suspect this to be true the majority of the time.

I've always put men into either romantic or friend "boxes". Rarely have they ever changed.
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Old 04-15-2015, 09:43 PM
 
Location: The point of no return, er, NorCal
7,400 posts, read 6,351,299 times
Reputation: 9636
Quote:
Originally Posted by timberline742 View Post
Do whatever approach you want. It would never work for me. If I'm friends with someone, they're going to stay friends. The end. Romance comes from that initial spark and sexual chemistry.
This.

The OP assumes that friendships will inherently lead to more "down the line." Assuming I were single, if I'm attracted to someone in a non-platonic way I would act on it. It would be extremely unrealistic to think two people who share a mutual sexual attraction or spark will remain "just friends" for some arbitrary time frame... to allow things to "evolve."
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Old 04-15-2015, 10:33 PM
 
Location: Denver and Boston
2,071 posts, read 2,203,160 times
Reputation: 3831
Quote:
Originally Posted by ColorsWolf View Post

What are your thoughts?
This is a very female perspective. I would suggest you have a male hormone panel done.
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Old 04-16-2015, 12:05 AM
 
Location: HI, U.S.A.
628 posts, read 1,386,718 times
Reputation: 257
Clearly, many of you have either not read all of my first post of this thread or you have read every thing I posted in that first post and misunderstood it.~

It seems many of you have done exactly what I was talking about: created unrealistic expectations.

Many of you have created an unrealistic expectation of me: I have stated that I do not date and that I believe it is more realistic for friendship to evolve into lovers, you seem to have read this and created the unrealistic expectation that simply because I believe this that I must be pursuing all friendships with the hope that they will eventually turn into romantic relationships.

This expectation of me is what I believe is actually your own way of thinking that you are projecting onto me.~

I never stated that I had this explicit expectation.

I actually stated the complete opposite "I don't "date". Dating is as I understand it: "Getting to know someone with the intention of forming a current or future romantic relationship with them." I think dating is unrealistic."

If I had been pursuing all friendships with the intent to turn them into romantic relationships eventually, then by definition I would be in fact "dating".~

I did state that "I'm open to possibilities and I love fantasizing, but what ever happens, happens, and what ever doesn't happen, doesn't happen."

What I mean by this is that what ever does happen I want it to happen naturally. Yes any one can potentially be the love of my life, but pursuing someone with the expectation that they will some day be your lover seems forced to me and artificial, thus to me it is the opposite of natural. I do believe in the possibility of these kinds of relationships actually full-filling your expectations and they become natural. How ever for me I see no need to rush and for me creating these kinds of unrealistic expectations causes me stress.~
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Old 04-16-2015, 12:15 AM
 
35,095 posts, read 51,103,864 times
Reputation: 62664
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sommie789 View Post
That is great for you.
But some people tried to be friends get with someone and it fails.
Some people feed lies by their parents.

What does your parents have to do with any of this?

Are you not old enough to figure things out on your own yet?

You cannot enter into a friendship with the hope it will turn romantic, that can and does happen without warning.
If you enter into a friendship with the hopes of romance you have expectations that will more than likely never be met by the other person.
Simply because your intention was not friendship in the first place, it was romance and they had no clue you wanted more when you decided to be friends.
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