Meeting the partners ex, yay or nay? (date, girlfriend, marriage)
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A friend of mine told me recently her bf, let's call him HANS, wants her to meet his ex.
WHAT?
HANS was with ex for 4 years and he dumped her after she was cheating on him and lied.
That was 10 years ago.
She moved away, got married, had a child, came back a few years later and started hanging out with HANS again. HANS said to her husband "I understand if this is awkward and if you are against it, I will stay away." husband didn't mind and all 3 hung out together, plus their kid. However, the marriage failed.
So HANS and the ex are friends since. HANS also hangs out with her brother. So about once a month they all meet and hang out, have dinner and play cards. Also, they text quite a lot.
HANS was single for 10 years since he dumped ex and then recently my friend, his new gf, entered the pic. She didn't like that he still hangs out with the ex and her family. Ex invited new gf and HANS for dinner. New gf said "HELL NO!"
HANS doesn't want to accept nor understands that new gf doesn't want to be friends with his ex or her family.
New gf doesn't want to accept nor understand that HANS doesn't want to give up that friendship and she says she rather drops dead as hanging out with HANS ex.
I think the ex girlfriend was doing the cool thing as it was polite to include the new GF and show her that there is no funny business between them and they are just friends.
I certainly would have accepted and would have been interested in seeing for myself what the dynamic is between my BF and his ex, and to see if I was comfortable with it.
I think your friend looks bad with her reaction. I understand it may be uncomfortable at first, but she is an adult and sometimes we need to do uncomfortable things.
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I think the ex girlfriend was doing the cool thing as it was polite to include the new GF and show her that there is no funny business between them and they are just friends.
I certainly would have accepted and would have been interested in seeing for myself what the dynamic is between my BF and his ex, and to see if I was comfortable with it.
I think your friend looks bad with her reaction. I understand it may be uncomfortable at first, but she is an adult and sometimes we need to do uncomfortable things.
I agree she looks bad with her reaction.
However, why would HANS even put her in that situation??? As you say, it is UNCOMFORTABLE. Why would she want to hang out regularly and waste a Saturday evening being uncomfortable?
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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If they're friends and I meet them as hanging with friends, sure. But to specifically try to hang out because they're an ex? No. I've met dozens of exes (ex bfs, ex fwbs, etc) of people I'm seeing when out and about (shows, parties, etc) but never specifically targeted hanging out with one because they were an ex.
However, why would HANS even put her in that situation??? As you say, it is UNCOMFORTABLE. Why would she want to hang out regularly and waste a Saturday evening being uncomfortable?
I'm thinking he wanted to introduce her to a friend, who he happened to have dated years ago. Right now the GF is saying she doesn't want to meet his friend, who he happened to have dated years ago.
Plus, the GF doesn't want them to be friends anymore, which is really not her call no matter what friend it is. She's just some new chick, and probably if she keeps up with this, she will be an Ex too!
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I'm thinking he wanted to introduce her to a friend, who he happened to have dated years ago. Right now the GF is saying she doesn't want to meet his friend, who he happened to have dated years ago.
Plus, the GF doesn't want them to be friends anymore, which is really not her call no matter what friend it is. She's just some new chick, and probably if she keeps up with this, she will be an Ex too!
Seems like it. But why would he put an ex over the love of his life??
I am friends with most of my exes. But if I have a new partner and he doesn't like it, it is a nobrainer to say good bye to the exes and put my partners wishes above theirs.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by oh-eve
Seems like it. But why would he put an ex over the love of his life??
I am friends with most of my exes. But if I have a new partner and he doesn't like it, it is a nobrainer to say good bye to the exes and put my partners wishes above theirs.
That doesn't sound like you really see them as friends.
HANS has spent ten years single and has maintained a platonic friendship with this woman, that he happened to date over ten years ago. Even her husband was friends with him. Sounds like they all acted like adults and enjoyed each others company.
Your friend has no right to say he has to ditch a healthy ten year friendship, ex or not. She sounds very immature and creating drama for no reason. If she doesn't want to "waste a saturday night" (which is telling of her maturity level), then she can decline and move on to a guy with absolutely no connections with their ex's.
My friends last straw was that he should keep hanging out with ex and just not tell current gf. But he doesn't want to accept it.
Also, he doesn't want to understand that new girl doesn't want to hang out with ex girl. But he totally understood that ex girls husband (a few years back) would not have wanted to have him hang out with ex. Isn't that bizarre???
His arguments are "she gained 80 lbs, I would never date her again." And "other people who get divorced and have kids, also still hang out." Yeah, but only for the kids sake only ..!
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