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Hi,
I m a women in my early 40s, right now in the process of getting a divorce. I have two kids, one is 4 and one is turning 6. Me and my soon to be ex-husband have a fairly good relationship, we agreed to live like roommates under the same house about 3years ago (I m on first floor his on second floor)to better take care our kids, then live separately once the kids get older. For the past 3 years he had gfs and currently has someone in his life. I, on the other hand was happy taking care of the kids, and didn't mind the thought of just living the rest of my taking care my kids... After all, many ppl live that way and that's just life isn't it?
Then I met a man who I consider my true love... The feelings are mutural. We are together for about a year now. The problem is, he is on the other side of earth, and their government makes it nearly impossible for them to get out. Every time we meet，I have to travel to where he's at to see him. Last time I was there, he asked me to marry him and live there with him.. He accepts my kids and is willing to take care of them too. But I feel here in the state is a better life for them. My ex husband is a very good father to them and my kids are very close to my ex- in laws，they also got a big family with a good support system.
If I take them with me they will have much Harder life, lower in living standers and less support in financially and overall environment. I thought about just taking one of my kid with me but then that wouldn't be fair to the other one and I think I will be damaging their sibling relationship .
I mean, Once I marry him, he will eventually have US citizenship but that will take at least two years or more. Even then, it would take us some time to pretty much start over and be be stable.
This had made our relationship extra difficult and I don't think it's fair to him to keep asking him to wait for me.
The thought of leaving my kids scares me, because I don't know what is going to happen, my ex-husband is very understanding in this situation, he wish me happiness and he said he will make sure my kids always has a relationship with me and I know that with today's technology ...Skype and all the third party apps I can maintain my relationship with my kids much easier then back in my parents days. But I just know that not being with them every day by their side... my relationship will just be different with them .
Then I thought about just giving up this relationship altogether and just live my life taking care of my kids watch them grow, and I just get old and won't even concern too much about having love in my life.
What would you do in my situation? I need some advice...any inputs are welcome，thank you for taking the time to read my post!
Last edited by Prettypieces1313; 04-27-2015 at 02:45 PM..
Reason: Easier to read
I think your priorities are screwed up.
You're willing to leave your kids simply because you can't plan properly.
Marry him if you want and go through the process to get his green card like millions of other people do.
Snap out of it!
Then I thought about just giving up this relationship altogether and just live my life taking care of my kids watch them grow, and I just get old and won't even concern too much about having love in my life.
Listen to this thought. Right now your kids should be the priority. You can't have it all. Long distance relationships are tenuous even in the best of circumstances.
It's up to you and what you can live with. Personally, I could never leave my children.
Edited to add - And I could never take my children away from their father either. Especially not to live in conditions far worse than they are accustomed to living in.
What would I do? Simple. I wouldn't have gotten myself wrapped up in this type of relationship to begin with Ms. first time poster. Taking my kids away from their father is not an option. Leaving my kids is not an option.
For you though, I think your kids would be better living with their dad here the US and you should definitely take off to a foreign country and married the man of your dreams. Parenting via Skype is totally what your young kids need. It's totally ok for you to put your love life first. I'm sure your kids will completely respect that choice as they get older. Good luck!
What would I do? Simple. I wouldn't have gotten myself wrapped up in this type of relationship to begin with Ms. first time poster. Taking my kids away from their father is not an option. Leaving my kids is not an option.
For you though, I think your kids would be better living with their dad here the US and you should definitely take off to a foreign country and married the man of your dreams. Parenting via Skype is totally what your young kids need. It's totally ok for you to put your love life first. I'm sure your kids will completely respect that choice as they get older. Good luck!
If I knew, I wouldn't be in this situation either nobody wants/likes to be in this kind situation. But sometimes you just don't get to choose who and when you are going to fall in love.
And of course if I choose to leave, my most concern would be my relationship with them in the future, that is why I'm here asking for opinions And supports， thanks for your time tho.
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