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Over a year ago I was in a relationship with someone I loved dearly, but I realized the feelings were not mutual. I was into him far more than he was into me. I was living in a city in which I was not thriving professionally at all. I told him I loved him and will do whatever I could to stay; so I enrolled in a university to earn a Master's degree. This bought nearly two more years in which I could stay and also to improve my employment chances. I cleaned houses while I was in school, and he continued to do the same things as always. While I was working, cleaning floors and toilets, he was at home playing video games and emailing escorts.
Something about him that I noticed throughout our relationship, but during the last year I began to see the writings on the wall:
1. He was not willing to get a better job. His degree was in theater and communications, and he was fine with occasional work. I asked him if he was willing to find a more full-time job and he never really seemed motivated to do so.
2. He would do things behind my back that were so hurtful. Like email escorts. I was very angry but decided to forgive him. I now see it was just an indication I was not supposed to be in a relationship with him (hindsight is 20/20).
3. When I approached him 6 months before my graduation about where our future is going together, he just argued with me. I told him the inevitable reality, that I may need to relocate so that I can build my career and not clean houses, and asked if he was he willing to go with me, and we fought and argued and he cried. I approached more than once about it, and all he did was cry and yell.
4. He had a female friend in which he constantly allowed her to overstep her bounds. She would call during dinner and he would take her phone calls, she would call on my birthday (not to wish me happy birthday), but to ask him random questions, and she would call at 12 am. When I told him I did not appreciate it, he said "SHE IS MY FRIEND AND WON"T IGNORE HER".
Finally last year around April/May, I interviewed at a large software corporation, and decided that if I hold on to this person, I will be held back in life. I gave him the news that we should part ways. He and I do not speak. After we broke up and I left town, he moved back in with his mother. He should be about 30 years old now, going on 31.
I now have been working in a technical field I love with a great company. I am with a man whom I love and the feelings are mutual. But, sometimes, I look back at the life I had over a year ago and wonder how did I fool myself for that long? I am actually a bit embarrassed. I had people tell me to stop wasting my time but wanted things to work so badly.
Last edited by jabber_wocky; 05-03-2015 at 08:37 PM..
lol. I think I was in a vulnerable time in my life in which I was looking for a companion. I had some unfortunate events play out, and he offered comfort. But yes, I was asked by several people what on earth did I see there. But he really was pretty childish and stubborn, as I discovered.
I don't think you should be embarrassed. Be happy for what you have now, and grateful that you saw the relationship for what it was, and got out. Lesson learned.
I don't think you should be embarrassed. Be happy for what you have now, and grateful that you saw the relationship for what it was, and got out. Lesson learned.
Thanks. Lesson learned indeed. Just wish I did not waste nearly 3 years figuring it out.
I wouldn't waste anymore energy on that, just tell yourself that you made a few less than stellar decisions, things that we all do and just chalk it up to experience and just move forward.
There isn't any point in rehashing it over in your mind. That's what life is about, making decisions and when you find out that they are bad, you just change the direction of the ship and keep bobbing around, moving along.
That's all you can do, as you can't change history.
Best of luck to you with the new guy and hope the career is going well too.
What brought the memory up is today is the anniversary or my graduation from university. He and his mother were there and it was a big celebration. Happy to see things worked out for me, but a bit sad to see his life went nowhere and he lives with his mom again. He was not willing to change.
I've been in those situations a handful of times. Sometimes it feels nice just to be in a relationship even if it's not a good one. It happens to a lot of people. Glad you got out of it and are happy now!
You had a learning experience. That's nothing to be ashamed of! It's something to be proud of. Some women NEVER learn and become tied to the same type of man over and over again. Better to lose that bum than to gain him. You're happy with a new life and a new love. The rest is in the past. Find complete closure and let it all go.
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