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Some people wear this like a badge of honor- "I have remained friends with ALL of my exes."
What if the break up was gut wrenching and horrible things were said? Why would you want to be reminded of that every time you saw their face? Or if the relationship ended because the other person decided that all the plans and dreams you had together just weren't what they wanted anymore, throwing your life into disarray? Why keep that kind of person in your life?
I am not friends with any of my exes - and ex is an ex for a reason. I am a friendly, distant acquaintance with a few.
When there is a divorce with children involved, I understand it is important to try and remain at least civil for the kids (though it rarely seems to work out that way), and some couples do eventually become friendly. But remain friends, and still hang out with each other as though the relationship didn't happen? I just don't understand that mindset.
Unless there's children involved there isn't. I think guys who remain friends with their exes, (again, unless there's children), are weak, soft, marshmallows
I don't really understand it either, there seems to be a new thread on this every other day and I usually just ignore it. There's only one ex that I could see maintaining contact with, and I did for a short period of time. Otherwise, I just think of it as one step forward three steps back. Several of mine the breakup was extra painful, and I just don't see the point of rehashing something that was not meant to be, and yes, I don't even care if the sex was off the charts. Still not worth it. But in the end I really don't care what other people do.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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Quote:
Originally Posted by supertrucker212
Unless there's children involved there isn't. I think guys who remain friends with their exes, (again, unless there's children), are weak, soft, marshmallows
I completely agree. Then again, if they are keeping an ex around for sex, I ain't mad at them.
It's not so much about remaining friends as not having a knock-down, drag-out breakup...you may not actually BE friends but you're on friendly terms, not at each other's throats.
If you're a "good breaker-upper' (in Seinfeld terms) then there's no drama, no revenge - it's live and let live - not that you necessarily have dinner every week!
There's nothing marshmallow-y about being mature about it and on good terms - it's being a drama queen that's wimpy! ...and yeah, if you PICKED a drama queen to break up with, that's still kinda on you.
In some cases it seems that people remain "friends" not because of any substantive relationship or intent to stay in touch, but rather to be able to say "We're still friends."
For some of my ex's, there existed a close friendship before they progressed into a relationship. After the breakup, distance is placed to help heal things. After a while, sometimes when we reconnect and discover there is enough there to rebuild a friendship.
Friends also get into fights, disagreements, and conflicts... not just couples. IF they value their friendship and have a certain amount of maturity, the friendship will survive.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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I'm friends with a large portion of my exes (not all) for one simple reason. These people became friends as I dated them, and we care about each other. Not being in love with someone anymore doesn't mean I don't love them.
I personally think one of the biggest red flags in the world is someone that isn't friends with any of their exes. It tells me they didn't really like and respect the person they dated, and they didn't really care about them. That is a damning indictment.
I personally think one of the biggest red flags in the world is someone that isn't friends with any of their exes. It tells me they didn't really like and respect the person they dated, and they didn't really care about them. That is a damning indictment.
I agree with this....
When someone leaves a string of bad relationships (friends and more) behind them... I'm not sure i want to be one of them.
Unless there's children involved there isn't. I think guys who remain friends with their exes, (again, unless there's children), are weak, soft, marshmallows
I wholeheartedly agree! Ive had many relationships, and not one of them offered a friendship after our breakup, and neither did I; which is good, because in reality it rarely works. And keeping in touch every so often to say "hi, how are doing" isn't a friendship.
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