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It's not that I don't like meeting men in person. It just doesn't happen. The only men I meet offline are coworkers and while I don't have a problem dating coworkers, I only find myself really attracted to the married ones. When I say that I don't find a lot of men attractive, I just mean that most wouldn't turn my head based on looks alone. Some men say that they see attractive women all the time, but I rarely see attractive men. Yet when I do, I develop a crush/attraction to them just based on looks without taking anything else into account. I mean, they seem like nice enough people, but it's mainly their physical appearance that I like. The longest I've ever dated someone who I was very physically attracted to was about 4 weeks so it's not like I really got to know him well enough to look beyond the surface. I dated a guy for over a year who I was only mildly physically attracted to and I thought he was a decent person, but I never felt any kind of deeper connection with him either.
Another question...do you think this is something that can be "fixed" by seeing a doctor or psychiatrist? I find your case very fascinating as a matter of fact. To be physically attracted to so few people out there, that seems unusual to me. That's why I also asked if it's possible that you're asexual. I don't know much about it, but maybe it's something a doctor or psychiatrist can diagnose.
Another question...do you think this is something that can be "fixed" by seeing a doctor or psychiatrist? I find your case very fascinating as a matter of fact. To be physically attracted to so few people out there, that seems unusual to me. That's why I also asked if it's possible that you're asexual. I don't know much about it, but maybe it's something a doctor or psychiatrist can diagnose.
It's possible that therapy could be helpful in some way, but I'm not really motivated to seek therapy. I don't feel asexual, but I haven't read much about it. I've always liked pornography and I enjoy being sexually touched to a certain degree, so I'm not sure that the asexuality club would accept me as a member.
Nothing wrong with taking some time to focus on yourself . I'm not entirely sure if online even existed yet when I was dating, so I can't relate much to OLD... but if you're not enjoying it, then maybe you need to regroup and try a different approach when you're ready.
It's possible that therapy could be helpful in some way, but I'm not really motivated to seek therapy. I don't feel asexual, but I haven't read much about it. I've always liked pornography and I enjoy being sexually touched to a certain degree, so I'm not sure that the asexuality club would accept me as a member.
So what type of men typically "do it" for you, physically and mentally?
I've decided that it's time that I officially give up dating. I've never gotten anything out of it and I've never felt that it's improved my quality of life in any way. It's only something I pursued because I had hopes of being "normal" like everyone else, but it's just not for me. I am over 30 and I think I lack the ability to have real feelings for a man. I was only ever interested in whether I found them physically attractive, but I can't connect on a level any deeper than that, yet I don't want them for casual sex. I thought it would be nice to get married and have a family (and I'm sure it is for some people), but since I cannot make a genuine connection, it's just not going to happen. I have things in my life that I'm excited about and looking forward to, but they don't include dating and relationships. I can no longer go through the motions of trying to make small talk with guys on Tinder because I see that it's all pointless and never going to lead to anything good. Maybe one day I'll meet someone offline and things will be different, but I doubt it. So that's that. I wish you all the best in your romantic endeavors!
you still need to cast your line to get a bite. whether you want to reel in that fish is up to you.
i think however the problem is that you are expecting too much early on. you need to take life as it comes, and learn to relax.
So what type of men typically "do it" for you, physically and mentally?
Physically, it varies. I generally like the boyishly cute and non-threatening types. The most attractive guy I ever dated looked similar to the actor Avan Jogia. Mentally? I just prefer normal men who are productive members of society and not criminals. College degrees are preferred. Other than that, I don't know. I cannot articulate what I'm attracted to on a deeper level because I've never gotten that far.
Physically, it varies. I generally like the boyishly cute and non-threatening types. The most attractive guy I ever dated looked similar to the actor Avan Jogia. Mentally? I just prefer normal men who are productive members of society and not criminals. College degrees are preferred. Other than that, I don't know. I cannot articulate what I'm attracted to on a deeper level because I've never gotten that far.
That's what online dating will do to you.
No substitute for human interaction.
Most of you ladies are clueless of just how easy it is to get a mans attention.
All it takes is eye contact and a smile.
Sadly, most of you are too afraid of rejection.
So you settle for the next best option...online dating...which is completely synthetic.
You have to spend time with people to reach that deeper level. Time away from the computer and time face to face.
So sad what our world has turned us into. A bunch of lonely/fearful human beings who invest more time and energy in our jobs and pets than in our relationships.
Most of you ladies are clueless of just how easy it is to get a mans attention.
All it takes is eye contact and a smile.
Sadly, most of you are too afraid of rejection.
So you settle for the next best option...online dating...which is completely synthetic.
You have to spend time with people to reach that deeper level. Time away from the computer and time face to face.
So sad what our world has turned us into. A bunch of lonely/fearful human beings who invest more time and energy in our jobs and pets than in our relationships.
I see your point but I've seen OLD work for three of my friends. Two of them ended up married/in serious relationships with the first guy they ever met via OLD, and the other only met a few guys before she met her husband.
Well, everyone tells me (especially here) that its "easier" in real life than online. Not for a guy who can't approach and fears rejection it isn't. BUT I'm thinking of hiring a "coach" to come here and spend the weekend to help me. The issue is thats a lot of $$$. So I have a decision to make. We shall see because I know doing it on my own isn't working. Its either move, hire someone, or both, or just give up. Can't decide on anything except I need to move.
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. I'm not entirely sure if online even existed yet when I was dating, so I can't relate much to OLD... but if you're not enjoying it, then maybe you need to regroup and try a different approach when you're ready.