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Old 05-08-2015, 12:59 PM
 
4,038 posts, read 4,850,945 times
Reputation: 5353

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Naomi Manischewitz View Post
Okay thanks guys. When I date I will kiss everyone then since apparently that's what people do.
It sounds like that's what you already do. And it doesn't sound like it's working for you.

From your thread, linked a couple of pages ago:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Naomi Manischewitz;
Went on a date Thursday night for drinks with someone online. Prior to our date we exchanged a few emails and were on the phone for a couple of hours laughing. He was telling me how he is dating to find "the one". I said I was too. He seemed like a nice, genuine, outgoing guy. Lookswise, NOT someone hot (his personality is what drew me to him) and he was far from rich (don't want to get accused of being super shallow and materialistic here).

Anyway, date was going well so we had dinner. Date was still going well so we went somewhere for dessert.

He kissed me a few times throughout the date and he was NOT the one to pull away (I did just because I needed some air!).


Sent him a text today saying how I had a great time. He texted me back that he had a good time but didn't feel the chemistry. I asked him if I said or did anything wrong (I mean, he kept kissing me!), and he said he didn't feel the attraction.

I'm just at a lost of words for this. Did he only keep kissing me to TRY to see if there was attraction? I just DID NOT see this coming.

 
Old 05-08-2015, 01:06 PM
 
Location: New Yawk
9,196 posts, read 7,208,181 times
Reputation: 15314
Since when does kissing and holding hands come with the expectation of a relationship? It's a fun and exciting, and the more passionate among us tend to enjoy it for what it is without reading too much into it too soon.
Quote:
Originally Posted by bebe182 View Post
I guess I have a totally different view of what leading someone on means, the things you've mentioned are not guys who lead you on but rather situations where the person is a complete *expletive*. As for you kissing countless women you don't care about, all I can say is just cause you did it doesn't make it right or mean that you didn't lead them on. I don't even understand why anybody would want to kiss someone they don't like!
 
Old 05-08-2015, 01:11 PM
 
Location: Richmond VA
6,874 posts, read 7,851,412 times
Reputation: 18199
My guess: he's married and his wife went out of town for the weekend He loved the feeling of knowing that he CAN still enjoy a woman's company and succeed at getting her interested in him, but then end it. Because there was no sex, he can be guilt free.

OR for some other reason he knows he can't sustain a relationship. Maybe an alcoholic, or otherwise emotionally unavailable. They can put their best foot forward for a couple of dates, but don't want the responsibility of an actual relationship.

I think the OP can rest assured that it is NOT about you! you are loveable and capable, and some day you will meet a guy who wants to go on to date number 3.
 
Old 05-08-2015, 01:11 PM
 
3,218 posts, read 2,796,681 times
Reputation: 3459
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ms.Mathlete View Post
Since when does kissing and holding hands come with the expectation of a relationship? It's a fun and exciting, and the more passionate among us tend to enjoy it for what it is without reading too much into it too soon.
I'm not saying its a promise of relationship, of course it isn't. But it can leave the impression that you would like to see the person again, that's all I'm saying.
 
Old 05-08-2015, 01:15 PM
 
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,938 posts, read 36,838,343 times
Reputation: 40634
Quote:
Originally Posted by bebe182 View Post
I'm not saying its a promise of relationship, of course it isn't. But it can leave the impression that you would like to see the person again, that's all I'm saying.

Get that notion out of your head. Please. It's all romantic and all, but it isn't the real world.

I have a couple of female friends (and I'm sure some dudes do this as well) that have date saver sex not infrequently. They're on a date, its pretty blah, so they get it on to try to salvage a night knowing they'll never see them again.
 
Old 05-08-2015, 01:19 PM
 
3,218 posts, read 2,796,681 times
Reputation: 3459
Quote:
Originally Posted by timberline742 View Post
Get that notion out of your head. Please. It's all romantic and all, but it isn't the real world.

I have a couple of female friends (and I'm sure some dudes do this as well) that have date saver sex not infrequently. They're on a date, its pretty blah, so they get it on to try to salvage a night knowing they'll never see them again.
All I can say is to each his own, and that is something I've never done, I just don't think its safe to have sex with strangers....call me crazy.
 
Old 05-08-2015, 01:23 PM
 
Location: Northern Wisconsin
10,379 posts, read 10,877,650 times
Reputation: 18713
There was something that he saw as a deal breaker, even though he must have been very attracted to you. It could be almost anything.

Like
YOu want kids, he doesn't.
You have kids, he doesn't want to help raise yours.
Different race?
Different ambitions in life?

Sorry, but lick your wounds and better luck next time.
 
Old 05-08-2015, 01:53 PM
 
3,218 posts, read 2,796,681 times
Reputation: 3459
Quote:
Originally Posted by timberline742 View Post
A) Kissing is fun
B) Kissing is a good way to determine chemistry, sexual or otherwise
Ok as for B if you don't like the person chances are you won't have chemistry when you kiss them. I don't need to go around kissing men I don't like to find out if I have chemistry with them, it's pretty evident that there is none.
 
Old 05-08-2015, 01:54 PM
 
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,938 posts, read 36,838,343 times
Reputation: 40634
Quote:
Originally Posted by bebe182 View Post
Ok as for B if you don't like the person chances are you won't have chemistry when you kiss them. I don't need to go around kissing men I don't like to find out if I have chemistry with them, it's pretty evident that there is none.

Not true. People can have really good physical / sexual chemistry with people they don't know, or even don't like.

It doesn't happen a lot for me (I can think of only one really good example). But it happens often for others. Some, it happens nearly exclusively for, which is unfortunate (IMO).
 
Old 05-08-2015, 03:45 PM
 
Location: On the corner of Grey Street
6,126 posts, read 10,088,952 times
Reputation: 11796
I still fail to see how it's leading someone on to kiss them and hold their hand on a couple of dates. He never said he saw them being in a relationship. To me leading someone on is lying to get them to do something you know they won't do if you tell them the truth. I've had really good dates with guys and been affectionate, and then after the fact with a little time to process decided I just really wasn't interested after all, or maybe I had an even better date with someone else and wanted to focus on them. It happens and I've had it happen to me where I liked the other person and they didn't want to see me again. It IS disappointing, but if you're going to get your feelings hurt after things don't work out after only a date or two, then dating is really going to be a trial for you.
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