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Sit her down and tell her that you're both going to have to be equal contributors to the running of the household or you don't see any kind of future for the two of you.
Tell her it's not because you don't love her. It's because you do and you can't stand by and watch her doing absolutely nothing productive with her life.
Ask her how she would support herself if her father quit paying her bills. Ask her how she would feed and shelter herself if she didn't have you to live with.
You need to ask her these tough questions and get real, thoughtful respondes. Not deer eyes and baby talk.
This is a far more serious situation than you realize.
If her parents were killed in an accident (or just quit paying her way), this grown woman would have no clue how to provide for herself without mooching off of other people.
That's very unhealthy.
It sounds like they figure she'll grow out of it or marry a man who will take over their financial obligation.
There's nothing actually wrong with being a housewife, but one generally needs to at least know how to cook and keep house to be one.
I still think housewives need job skills in case they ever need to find a job, though.
Be very careful with birth control, OP. Your situation is EXACTLY how a friend of mine got stuck with his wife.
All it took was her getting pregnant. Their kid is almost in high school and she still mostly sits on her ass and does nothing. If she senses him getting fed up, she'll go through a period of light housekeeping and preparing crude dinners (canned, frozen, grilled cheese deals) until he's placated. Then, she goes right back to doing nothing.
You can't help but wonder what her parents where thinking, to allow this. IMO this is a form of neglect, bordering on abuse--raising a kid to have no skills to support herself? Are her parents planning on leaving her a fortune when they pass away? WTF? Even if she was a lousy student in HS, she could still get into a Community College. I'd like to pick her parents' brains to see what their thought process was in setting her up for life this way. If she doesn't work and doesn't go to school, how'd she even meet the OP? With only a HS degree, how do you even meet someone who might be able to support you? How do you bust into those circles?
It will last as long as the OP and her daddy let it last.
Daddy wont be around forever, and I doubt the OP will be able to tolerate this for years to come; they only been together for just a short time, and hes already complaining. Even if the sex is good (that wont last) her beauty (that wont last either)
They're both in for a rude awakening, and its called reality.
If they're anything like my in-laws, the probably tell themselves that she just needs to meet a nice guy who will take care of her. No back-up plan needed. When they pass on, guess who's inheriting a lazy, financially dependent, permanently unemployed lump?
Quote:
Originally Posted by NewbiePoster
You can't help but wonder what her parents where thinking, to allow this. IMO this is a form of neglect, bordering on abuse--raising a kid to have no skills to support herself? Are her parents planning on leaving her a fortune when they pass away? WTF? Even if she was a lousy student in HS, she could still get into a Community College. I'd like to pick her parents' brains to see what their thought process was in setting her up for life this way. If she doesn't work and doesn't go to school, how'd she even meet the OP? With only a HS degree, how do you even meet someone who might be able to support you? How do you bust into those circles?
If they're anything like my in-laws, the probably tell themselves that she just needs to meet a nice guy who will take care of her. No back-up plan needed.
I think this was pretty common before careers really opened up for women. My cousin got married at the end of an extended undergrad career, and didn't have to work. Her parents never expected her to do well in school, because they didn't want to pressure her. Their only goal for her was that they wanted her to be happy. Her mom helped her with her homework all the way through HS. Her husband paid for house help, including some child care. When they divorced after the kids finished college, she had no way to support herself, so she lived in her parents' vacation cottage, supporting herself from the divorce settlement.
Back in the day, women were expected to find a husband in college, and be housewives and mothers, no back-up plan needed, supposedly. But the OP's gf wasn't even expected to go to college, apparently. Go figure.
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Back in the day, women were expected to find a husband in college, and be housewives and mothers, no back-up plan needed, supposedly. But the OP's gf wasn't even expected to go to college, apparently. Go figure.
That's a good point--are the OP and his girlfriend in North America, or is she from another background where women aren't expected to support themselves? This could be a cultural thing.
That's a good point--are the OP and his girlfriend in North America, or is she from another background where women aren't expected to support themselves? This could be a cultural thing.
hmm... Maybe the parents are from another culture? If so, they're doing well enough in the West or US that they can afford to completely support their adult daughter.
We've probably scared the OP away, but I'd like to know how this turns out in the end. Maybe he'll manage to motivate her to run a vacuum cleaner once/week and do a cheese sandwich for dinner or an omelet once/week. But I don't get the "World War 3" response to suggesting she get some kind of education or job training. Even the gorgeous American-born Russian women have high education and career expectations of them, from their parents. They're not raised to expect to be provided for, or to not excel in school.
My girlfriend lives probably the easiest life ever (outside of those young rich royal heirs). She’s 23, I’m 22, we live together. She has never had a job, is not in college, is not looking for a job. She goes to bed at 4 in the morning, wakes up at 2 or later. There are days where I’ll wake up, go to class, have a break between my class, class again, come home, and she’s still sleeping. She gets money from her dad which pays her portion of the rent and everything else. I’m in school and have a job. She doesn’t clean because she doesn’t know how and I cook because she’s too lazy. I do the dishes, she watches TV. Anytime I mention “ You know, you could’ve vacuumed” she gives puppy eyes and “ sowwy”. “ You could’ve made dinner” is met with “ But you’re better”. I mentioned maybe community college or a volunteer job, she freaked out. She’s very pampered; very spoiled. I guess it bugs me that she does so little and if we marry, it won’t change. Do I try and talk to her about CC or a job again? She does have a boatload of positives. She’s very sweet, very funny, very pretty. Because she’s up when I’m sleeping she has time to write love notes and put them on my backpack. “ I love you so so much. Hope you have a great day ☺” stuff like that.
Marry her and bring a child in the mix, that would change things a lot. Otherwise...
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