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Ugh. Where do I even begin. Since I know a lot of people are probably going to tell me to dump him once I get into the nitty gritty (as all of my friends have, simply witnessing the pure frustration this guy makes me feel) I'll start by saying there are a lot of things I really do like about him and I think these issues would be less of a problem if we were together in person..He is currently living in another state with plans to move back to mine in a couple of months (we have been dating long distance for a month and have met in person.)
So communication. He acts like a child. And after hours of bashing against the brick wall that is him when he's upset, I will eventually get frustrated and tell him, "You're acting really childish, can we please talk about this like adults?" only to receive "I'm fine," as a response. He won't leave, he'll continue to talk to me, responding with one and 2 words..it's infuriating.
An example: I am friends with my ex's. I know, I'm a horrible person, boohoo, a lot of people will complain about this. To be clear I was upfront with him from the beginning before we ever dated and he said if we did date, that wouldn't ever be an issue - one lives in Arizona, and the other in England. I have known one for 4 years and the other for 10, he has been my best friend since child hood. I am 20 so that's half of my life. Obviously I care about him though the romantic feelings have long died out for both. We are friends because we have brought a lot of positive personal growth into each other's lives. Both of us grew up with physical & mental abuse and were the only people there for each other. So obviously I care about him. Well it's been over a year since I last saw England guy and he wants to come see me when he's in the states late September for a gaming/youtube convention. My other friend also has plans to come see me in a few months. Both are aware of my relationship and have relationships of their own - we are all happy and supportive for/of each other. Nothing fishy going on and I am very open and honest about my plans and intentions with my boyfriend.
So I mention, "My friend in AZ is coming to see me in a few months, I'd really like you to meet him!" His response: "I don't want to meet any of your ex's." And after a lot of pushing he admitted to being jealous, so I tried to explain, that perhaps if he met this person (who is my best friend) and made him feel included, he would see there's no reason to be jealous. The odd thing is he said he doesn't mind me seeing or spending time with him he just wants nothing to do with this person. Then he says he's pissed off at me for trying to explain why I thought it would be a good idea.
The next 4 hours are him repeatedly saying I'm fine yet refusing to initiate any other form of conversation. The next day he acts like nothing is wrong but I'm doubtful.
This closed off behavior is very frustrating. I understand he may be insecure & jealous, which is why I thought offering to introduce him to my friends would assuage some of those fears. I told him he doesn't need to worry because I am with him and want only him.
Another interesting thing is the day we decided to go exclusive, he told me he didn't want to put it on facebook for fear of hurting an ex's feelings, whom he is still friends with (we had both ended long term relationships around the same time in Jan-Feb) so I was understanding of this as he was the one who ended it. I said it wasn't a problem and still stand by that statement. I am generally sensitive to how other's feel and wouldn't want to hurt the poor girl either. However my ex (the friend of 10 years) now knows of our relationship and is interested in someone else. So I feel my boyfriend is being quite hypocritical for getting jealous when I am more open than he is.
.
So I guess what I'm asking are these questions: How do I deal with someone who flat out refuses to communicate? I have started thinking this is a form of emotional manipulation - he claims my pushing him will only make him angry, yet he won't open up on his own, he will stay mad about something for a week and simply lie about it but remain cold and distant. Effectively this leaves me with no choice but to accept this behavior and patiently wait for it to end, which is frustrating, exhausting, and very hurtful. (I have explained this to him and it made no difference.)
Why is he so vehement about refusing to meet my friends? I would think he would want to meet them rather than leave me alone with them if jealousy is the problem. Doesn't make sense to me.
Why does he continue to lie and say he's "fine" when I obviously know he's not?
And lastly, he often says, "I'm frustrated and I'm leaving" but he never does. He'll stay and maintain a half assed coversation, which is beyond confusing to me. I don't understand why he'll stay and talk to me without accomplishing anything. What's the point??
He's an Aquarius, I'm a Cancer, if that's any help.
Thanks in advance!
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