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Woah.....things have got more complicated since I were a girl.
OP back then you knew if a guy liked you because he called you and asked you out. If he didn't do that, then you didn't waste your time thinking about him.
Your list seems a little extreme to me...some relationships grow far more organically than that. I think you need to loosen up.
It's always a mistake to start a relationship with a list of jobs for the new person to do.
1. He's "Busy". Unless he is the CEO of a huge company, he should have time to see me at LEAST 3 times a week, if not more. 99% of the time, busy just means too busy for ME. If the word busy even comes out of his mouth once without a legitimate and detailed and true explanation, I'm going to cut off contact completely.
2. He's Occupied with friends 99% of his free time and gives 1% or less to me. Yeah, I let a guy do this to me. I feel like an idiot, and rightly so. This kinda goes along with the busy excuse. If he truly likes you, he will move heaven and earth to be with you for many moments.
3. He does not introduce me to his friends or family after 3 or 4 dates, and doesn't attempt to meet mine. This means he isn't planning on taking it anywhere. If you're a secret, that's bad.
4. I text/call him more than he texts/calls me. If he wants to speak to me less than I want to speak to him, he does not want me.
5. He doesn't compliment me highly, or isn't stunned by me. I have noticed that guys who say "you're gorgeous" tend to stick with me longer than those who say "you're cute", and both tend to stay longer than those who say nothing at all.
6. He dates other people and doesn't care if you do. shows no desire for exclusivity.
How old are you? Do you have kids or are you dating guys who might have kids? These factors might impact some of your expectations.
1. 3x per week is a lot for some working professionals. Introverts will have less energy for dating on a workday. They might feel busy-er than they really are. Dating 3x per week might make it hard for even an extrovert to get to the gym 3-4 times weekly and run errands and watch a game with friends, etc.
2. Ditto for this one. Each guy has to pace himself. On this count, however, I would like to see a mix of guy time, us time, and us plus friends time that seems to match our personalities and needs.
3. I do NOT want to meet your parents after 3-4 dates. some people have embarrassing parents, or aren't close, or are too close and want some distance, and sometimes they project those experiences onto the families of their SOs. Some people think a meeting with parents implies commitment, and others think it's no big thang. I would never judge a guy on this.
4. It is hard to find a good balance on the texting thing. sometimes it just takes a little conversation about frequency and types of communication. i can't text at work regularly and there are some guys who don't get that at first. Once I explain it, they either understand or they don't. I also don't like to chat on the phone if I don't have much to say, and I suspect that many guys feel the same way.
5. Compliments: you need to read up on the Five Love Languages. Compliments come naturally to some people and not as much to others. This is a skill that can be cultivated, if he is motivated. Believe it or not, some women don't really need that much verbal validation. and on the flip side, some guys can be completely smitten, but just don't express it verbally. However: if that is what you need, it is okay to ask for it, and if you still feel it isn'[t enough, you can move on.
6. Well, yes, I think a desire for exclusivity is a reasonable expectation.
All of your points are worth discussing with a potential partner, but sometimes these conversations require a light touch instead of ultimatums.
It may be obvious to some, but in the past, I have had difficulty telling when guys do not want me. I have also had difficulty telling when they DO want me unless they are very obvious about it...let's just say I'm socially oblivious mostly. I have come here to make sure I've got things right this time so I can stop wasting time chasing men who have no interest and stringing myself along.
So, without further ado, here are the 99% sure signs he does not want me. Correct me if I am wrong on any of these, especially the guys out there, because I am going to start implementing these into my life and I do not want to be wrong.
1. He's "Busy". Unless he is the CEO of a huge company, he should have time to see me at LEAST 3 times a week, if not more. 99% of the time, busy just means too busy for ME. If the word busy even comes out of his mouth once without a legitimate and detailed and true explanation, I'm going to cut off contact completely.
2. He's Occupied with friends 99% of his free time and gives 1% or less to me. Yeah, I let a guy do this to me. I feel like an idiot, and rightly so. This kinda goes along with the busy excuse. If he truly likes you, he will move heaven and earth to be with you for many moments.
3. He does not introduce me to his friends or family after 3 or 4 dates, and doesn't attempt to meet mine. This means he isn't planning on taking it anywhere. If you're a secret, that's bad.
4. I text/call him more than he texts/calls me. If he wants to speak to me less than I want to speak to him, he does not want me.
5. He doesn't compliment me highly, or isn't stunned by me. I have noticed that guys who say "you're gorgeous" tend to stick with me longer than those who say "you're cute", and both tend to stay longer than those who say nothing at all.
6. He dates other people and doesn't care if you do. shows no desire for exclusivity.
Those are the 6 signs I have noticed that are surefire indicators of disinterest. And indicators of interest are the opposite of all of the above.
Forgive me if its all captain-obvious stuff, but this was not obvious to me until I learned it. Given that there is a movie called "He's just not that into you", I'm sure I'm not the only woman who struggles with recognizing this. But Am I right on these?
If he...thinks I'm stunning and says it, texts/calls me constantly, wants me exclusively, introduces me to family and friends, and Spends the bulk of his free time with me...then he wants me. Anything less and he does not want.
If I followed all of your rules, I wouldn't have happily been with my husband two decades. The only one that would really worry me, is dating other people. Maybe the friend one too.
It may be obvious to some, but in the past, I have had difficulty telling when guys do not want me. I have also had difficulty telling when they DO want me unless they are very obvious about it...let's just say I'm socially oblivious mostly. I have come here to make sure I've got things right this time so I can stop wasting time chasing men who have no interest and stringing myself along.
So, without further ado, here are the 99% sure signs he does not want me. Correct me if I am wrong on any of these, especially the guys out there, because I am going to start implementing these into my life and I do not want to be wrong.
1. He's "Busy". Unless he is the CEO of a huge company, he should have time to see me at LEAST 3 times a week, if not more. 99% of the time, busy just means too busy for ME. If the word busy even comes out of his mouth once without a legitimate and detailed and true explanation, I'm going to cut off contact completely.
2. He's Occupied with friends 99% of his free time and gives 1% or less to me. Yeah, I let a guy do this to me. I feel like an idiot, and rightly so. This kinda goes along with the busy excuse. If he truly likes you, he will move heaven and earth to be with you for many moments.
3. He does not introduce me to his friends or family after 3 or 4 dates, and doesn't attempt to meet mine. This means he isn't planning on taking it anywhere. If you're a secret, that's bad.
4. I text/call him more than he texts/calls me. If he wants to speak to me less than I want to speak to him, he does not want me.
5. He doesn't compliment me highly, or isn't stunned by me. I have noticed that guys who say "you're gorgeous" tend to stick with me longer than those who say "you're cute", and both tend to stay longer than those who say nothing at all.
6. He dates other people and doesn't care if you do. shows no desire for exclusivity.
Those are the 6 signs I have noticed that are surefire indicators of disinterest. And indicators of interest are the opposite of all of the above.
Forgive me if its all captain-obvious stuff, but this was not obvious to me until I learned it. Given that there is a movie called "He's just not that into you", I'm sure I'm not the only woman who struggles with recognizing this. But Am I right on these?
If he...thinks I'm stunning and says it, texts/calls me constantly, wants me exclusively, introduces me to family and friends, and Spends the bulk of his free time with me...then he wants me. Anything less and he does not want.
For the most part, I think you "get it." I disagree, however, with 3 and 4. I would never introduce somebody on the 3rd or 4th date. You hardly know the person. Especially if you have kids, it's just not a good idea to bring different dates into their lives.
4. Sounds like you go wild with texting. Maybe you should set some texting rules with him and see if he follows through. If not then he's not that into you. Guys are different though. I almost always answer texts even when I'm not really interested. To me it's just common courtesy. I hate being a dickrod to people that are good to me. I let people know the truth.
Cute/gorgeous are kind of subjective. Cute sounds like a playtoy. Neither determines level of interest.
You have some unrealistic expectations. He should have time to see you at least 3 times/week? Some guys are lucky to get both weekend days free. In the beginning, before he even knows you, 1-2 times/week should be enough, and that's realistic. Guys who don't have demanding jobs--yeah, 3 x/week, if he's into you.
After just 3 dates, there's no reason to introduce someone to family. That's still the getting-to-know-you stage. It would be a constant parade of dates introduced to his parents if the family intro happened that early. After you decide you're exclusive and are serious might be the right time. For some people, the family intro doesn't happen until they're sure the SO is "the one".
I suppose that if you're stunning, it's reasonable to expect men would be stunned by you. YMMV.
OP, it's very good that you've made a commitment to yourself to not waste time with any guy who may not be as interested in you as you are him. You're a smart woman.
But, Ruth's right. Your expectations ARE unrealistic. If a guy I was dating had your same requirements, there's NO way I would want, or be able, to fulfill most of them.
- No matter how much I like a guy and want to be with him, I would find it VERY difficult to meet 3 times per week. IF I wanted to be mentally/emotionally present when were together, that is.
- It doesn't even occur to me that I should meet his friends/family, or he mine, after 3 or 4 dates. That's crazy. You're still in the getting-to-know-each-other stage. WHY would you want to introduce him to your friends and/or family? If a man I began dating expected this, I would consider it highly intrusive and presumptuous.
- Yes, if a man isn't attempting to contact you in some way fairly regularly, that COULD mean he's not as interested. On the other hand, perhaps you're expecting too much contact. Not everyone has the time to be calling or texting throughout the day, or even a couple of times per day. Not everyone wants to. I'm not interested in that. You're being unfair to him and doing yourself a disservice to expect this, ESPECIALLY in the early stages of a relationship.
- Complimenting you "highly"? While it's certainly nice for a woman to know that the guy she likes and admires returns her feelings, how much complimenting do you expect?
- Exclusivity is largely dependent on the duration of the relationship. I would think that a couple would/should (regularly) date each other for at least a couple of months before discussing or expecting mutual exclusivity.
Last edited by newdixiegirl; 05-11-2015 at 08:14 AM..
Seeing 3 times a week may be unrealistic for some. That is time consuming and expensive especially if you're not committed. Makes you sound like a clinger or gold digger...
Also, introducing to family after 3 - 4 dates is absolutely unrealistic. Friends MAYBE.
Women who act/think like the op make my skin crawl.
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