Childless women age 36-40 on online dating sites who want kids? (wives, boyfriend)
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I have a question about childless women ages 36-40 on online dating sites who say they definitely want kids. This has most likely got to be adoption, right?
Take a 38 year old woman, for example. She dates a few guys, and finally meets "the one" by age 39 to get serious. About one year of dating before proposal at 40. Engaged, then married by age 41. Then start trying to get pregnant at age 41. Lower chance of conceiving. Even lower if the man is in his 40s too. Artificial fertilization is very costly per attempt. But, if successful, there still are pregnancy complications for women in their 40s. Additionally, the cost and issues of surrogacy seem unrealistic for most newly wed couples. Finally, a male in his 40s is more likely than a younger male to produce a child with mental or health challenges.
So when 36-40 year old childless women on online dating indicate that they definitely want children, does this most likely mean adoption?
lol! Why would it be adoption? And who would announce that on OLD sites, that they want to adopt? If they want adoption, they'd say so. They want to have kids. At that age, they still have time.
The good thing is the 30K (for legal fees and administration costs) is due after it's guaranteed that the couple will get to adopt. Before hand, the agency will just want to make sure a prospective adopting couple is financially prepared for fees and to support a child.
On the other hand, in-vitro seems like an expensive risk. Every time it doesn't work is thousands down the drain. Plus the emotional disappointment has to hurt badly too.
The first round only cost around 1k, as it was covered by insurance, after I think it was 10K a pop. I don't think adoption has ANY guarantees, the mother can always change her mind. People have been out 10s of thousands trying to adopt, which is nothing compared to the emotional investment.
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And you would be wrong. I never even WANTED a kid until I hit 30.
Don't understand how this answer even connects to the part of my quote you bolded. Anyway this thread is not about women who just hit 30. It's about women past their mid 30s through age 40 who are pursuing children but are still seeking a partner. Biological versus adoption. Heck, for all I know, a lady's dating profile saying she definitely want kids may mean she wants only to be a step parent!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth
lol! Why would it be adoption? And who would announce that on OLD sites, that they want to adopt? If they want adoption, they'd say so.
No one lady says she wants adoption on her profile. There is no setting for it on POF or Match. So it's unclear to me. I created this thread to find out in general what women in my age demographic generally mean when they indicate they definitely want kids. Some may say to message them and find out. That is a creepy way to start a conversation! lol
Don't understand how this answer even connects to the part of my quote you bolded. Anyway this thread is not about women who just hit 30. It's about women past their mid 30s through age 40 who are pursuing children but are still seeking a partner. Biological versus adoption. Heck, for all I know, a lady's dating profile saying she definitely want kids may mean she wants only to be a step parent!
It's unclear to me. So I created this thread to find out in general what women in my age demographic generally mean when they indicate they definitely want kids. Some may say to message them and find out. That is a creepy way to start a conversation! lol
When they say they want kids, it means they want to birth their own kids. If they didn't mind being a step-parent, they'd say "Dads with kids are ok", or some such. I'm sure you've seen that on some profiles. You seem to be trying to be deliberately obtuse about it.
When they say they want kids, it means they want to birth their own kids. If they didn't mind being a step-parent, they'd say "Dads with kids are ok", or some such. I'm sure you've seen that on some profiles. You seem to be trying to be deliberately obtuse about it.
You don't browse female profiles, I can tell. No they don't say step parent is their preference. They may want biological as their preference. Who knows!
You don't browse female profiles, I can tell. No they don't say step parent is their preference. They may want biological as their preference. Who knows!
Exactly. Who knows?
You have to ask the individuals what they envision for their future. There is no one answer.
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When they say they want kids, it means they want to birth their own kids. If they didn't mind being a step-parent, they'd say "Dads with kids are ok", or some such. I'm sure you've seen that on some profiles. You seem to be trying to be deliberately obtuse about it.
My ex-wife and I were happily child-free. At the tender age of 37, she abruptly changed her mind, declaring that a genuine family is impossible without children, and her feminine consciousness is impossible without motherhood. We divorced. A few months later, she met a guy, quite a few years her junior. They married soon after. 15 months after our divorce, she gave birth. By all reports, it's a healthy baby.
When I was born, my mother was 35, and my father almost 40. Presently I'm in my early 40s. Three out of four of my grandparents were born in or slightly before 1900. Everyone was a late-parent. Efficacy of parenting is debatable, but somehow it worked out. The downside is that three out of four of my grandparents died decades before I was born, and the final grandparent passed when I was 10. Indeed, my parents were too old to toss frisbees in the back yard when I was in middle-school. Such are the drawbacks of giving birth late in life.
My impression, based on these data-points and others, is that women in the 36-40 range, and even slightly older, are absolutely serious about having biological children of their own. If they wish to have multiple children, then indeed things get more complicated, as the younger children will have been born when the parents are even older. But I'd opine that in many cases these women wish to have precisely one child, to check the box for parenting-experience and establishment of their progeny.
As others have noted in this thread, most people in the dating-market who are approaching the age of 40 will already have had children. The child-less (note the "less" modifier) are unusual. The child-free ("free", meaning without children by choice, and with intent to thus remain) are even rarer - substantially rarer.
Men who are interested in starting a family with a woman who has not yet reproduced (and who have not reproduced themselves), are by my reckoning in a decently good position. Even here in southwest Ohio - not exactly a progressive, enlightened or cosmopolitan place - there are women who for whatever cause have delayed their breeding-season. Much more difficult is finding women who disavow reproduction and parenthood entirely.
My preference is to adopt school age children, 5-8 years old. Guess that puts me in a very small bracket with few to no women my age willing to do the same. I don't want to risk pregnancy complications or unhealthy children being born (since I'm approaching 40 myself in a few years).
When they say they want kids, it means they want to birth their own kids. If they didn't mind being a step-parent, they'd say "Dads with kids are ok", or some such. I'm sure you've seen that on some profiles. You seem to be trying to be deliberately obtuse about it.
This. My profile stated I was open to having kids and to me this means biological or adoptive but NOT being a stepmother. Not one woman I know who desired children considered stepchildren in terms of their profile. Women I knew open to dating dads stated it but women who wanted their own usually didn't want dads. Why people believe women mean dads is something I never understand.
Now in terms of biological, what many men don't get is some women can't get pregnant at all and some women can naturally later in life. However for many women they look at other aspects. Not all women want kids and not all have to have their own biological children. I'm kind of unusual because I never cared if I had my own biological child. I'm also okay not having any kids at all. People judge women for waiting but don't do the same to men. It's a double standard and very cruel to assume anything. I know women who desired their own child but didn't meet a guy until later yet they are judged more harshly than a guy who refused to settle early then started judging older women for wanting kids even though he does. We would all be better if we stopped assuming older childless women want something they don't.
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