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Old 05-14-2015, 12:24 PM
 
Location: Pittsburgh
29,742 posts, read 34,376,832 times
Reputation: 77099

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Quote:
Originally Posted by stan4 View Post
1. Stop comparing yourself to things you see on facebook.
It's as silly as comparing yourself to an airbrushed model on the cover of Vogue.

2. Stop defining yourself in terms of your relationships.

3. Go find things/hobbies/work you love to do and immerse yourself in them.

4. Do things for others.
Besides all of this, I'd suggest something straight out of the Oprah playbook--start keeping a Gratitude journal. Nothing fancy, but every day write down something good that happened to you or that you're thankful for. If you had a good workout, then be grateful for having a strong, healthy body. If you finish a big project at work, then be grateful that it's done and that you have a good job. It might help you get out of the toxic "everything is DOOMED" mindset that you're in and you'll start appreciating what's right with your life rather than fixating on what's wrong.
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Old 05-15-2015, 11:37 AM
 
Location: NYC
5,209 posts, read 4,669,806 times
Reputation: 7973
I problem I see is you are always waiting for the right guy to pour yourself into 100%. Of course when the relationship doesn't work out, you are badly damaged. What you need is a core of happiness that you share with a man once you find him. The center stays on you and doesn't shift to your partner.
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Old 05-15-2015, 01:34 PM
 
Location: Mammoth Lakes, CA
3,360 posts, read 8,388,646 times
Reputation: 8595
Quote:
Facebook is a way for people to make their lives more than what it are. Most people who post that lovey dovey stuff on fb are actually very unstable and aren't in healthy relationships. People who are actually very satisfied and happy with themselves don't broadcast it.
Bingo. I see more and more people not having lives outside of the artificial idiocy of FB. I have known countless people who post endless vacation pics and bragging about their relationship and they usually are miserable. Happy people with active lives have almost no time for FB and couldn't care less about those who populate FB. It's an endless brag fest of people with insecurity or self-esteem issues. Those who do, DO. Those who don't, TALK.
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Old 05-16-2015, 10:54 PM
 
2,546 posts, read 6,874,317 times
Reputation: 2010
It's depressing to see men that you had dated in the past now married.
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Old 05-16-2015, 11:33 PM
 
378 posts, read 441,507 times
Reputation: 347
Default Why

Why are you creating new handles to post same subject?

From your profile picture, you are a super hottie. Maybe you can try men from out of your area?
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Old 05-16-2015, 11:34 PM
 
Location: Arizona
13,252 posts, read 7,304,105 times
Reputation: 10092
All I can say is stop feeling sorry for yourself who cares what is on FB. Get going and do things that make you happy about yourself. Work on yourself forget about others what they are doing or what you aren't doing. Things to do maybe join a sport like running, Tennis, or a hobby. I know someone who runs daily and now does Triathlons he used to be like 300 lbs no wife, sick all the time depressed his entire life has turned around. Hiking, biking taking up art maybe an acting class do local plays? Get going with stuff that is self healing. Self pity will only make you fall deeper into depression. When you feel better about yourself this will stand out and you will meet the man you have been looking for. Don't give up on life it's a gift look around there are others out there who are far worse off then you don't waste what you have been given on depression.
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Old 05-17-2015, 03:24 PM
 
Location: Central IL
20,726 posts, read 16,363,404 times
Reputation: 50379
Stay off of Facebook! Don't waste any more time reading other people's "stories" of all the great things they're doing - do you honestly think anyone posts the bad stuff? Spend the time you would have spent on Facebook in community college classes or other meet-up type groups and activities - it's time much better spent.
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Old 05-17-2015, 03:52 PM
 
3,201 posts, read 4,409,430 times
Reputation: 4441
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hatetheheat01 View Post
It's depressing to see men that you had dated in the past now married.
depressing for you or the men that married?
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Old 05-17-2015, 06:34 PM
 
2,152 posts, read 3,397,528 times
Reputation: 1695
The OP is under the misunderstanding that Marriage = Happiness, Kids = happiness, Husband= happiness. Facebook is a distorted reality, and so is the assumption that everyone married is happy, or that have kids ect. Likely, if u did end up married with kids, u may still not be happy at all.

If u were on ur death bed at 35 or stricken with disease or cancer, u may view happiness very differently then just being upset that u dont have a family of ur own.
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Old 05-17-2015, 08:54 PM
 
4,038 posts, read 4,862,808 times
Reputation: 5353
Quote:
Originally Posted by stan4 View Post
1. Stop comparing yourself to things you see on facebook.
It's as silly as comparing yourself to an airbrushed model on the cover of Vogue.

2. Stop defining yourself in terms of your relationships.

3. Go find things/hobbies/work you love to do and immerse yourself in them.

4. Do things for others.
Best advice! OP, you're hitting the panic button way too soon. You're at the best age for dating, like I posted before. The reason you feel undesirable is that you're mind-f***ing yourself. And that negative midset, wherever it comes from, is driving dudes away, like the last one who just disappeared on you. You got insecure, so he ghosted. Get help to figure out why you panic and why you have a negative tape in your head that tells you you're not lovable. My guess is, it has something to do with your parents when you were a kid, or something else that happened way back. You need to figure out why you're basically being emotionally abusive to yourself, and deal with it, so you can move on.

And btw, everyone but the superficial dudes is drawn to women who have positive energy, and have something they're passionate about in life. Or are smart and interesting to talk to, and fun and confident.

So, to come back to the quote above, what do you have to say for yourself? What have you done with your life? What interests do you have? What do you have to contribute to a conversation, and to life in general? Do you have any talents? Have you even explored to see if you have any talents? (Music, art, writing, gardening/veggie patches, running marathons, whatever) And #4 is a good one to get your mind off your problems; volunteer for others in some way, and you'll see your problems shrink in importance.
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