Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
1. Delete your second OLD account. It is just causing tons of emotions. Unnecessary emotions. He was probably just bored while his kids were playing and surfed around the net to pass time. NO NEED TO FREAK OUT. Delete that account!! It is not fair to ANY of the guys you might be dating in the future if it doesn't work out with that guy. I went on GREAT dates and still looked at other profiles. Maybe even just to tell other guys I was messaging with that I won't meet them.
2. Now you see too many red flags because you are overly suspicious. Every (maybe) nice meant compliment seems shady. Try to fix that. He might be shady, but he might not be shady. Give him the benefit of the doubt until you have proof he is a dirtbag.
3. I think it was shady FROM YOU to try to leave without waking him up. He did nothing wrong at all. YOU seemed like you were just looking for sex and leaving before he wakes.
4. Don't worry about the cat. As long as he isn't allergic, he will be fine. He will accept her and maybe even start liking her. Give it some time.
4. Take a chill pill. You are too emotional!!!
Everything you have told us what he said and did sounded good and made him seem sincere.
Yes, I have stopped checking his log ins, I've realized how ridiculous that was, and I have calmed down a lot since that's initial post. Whatever he's doing on the website, he's still texting me everyday, so I guess he hasn't completely lost interest.
As for the rest of your points, you are totally right! Thanks for your helpful advice, like I said before I tend to jump to conclusions prematurely.
Just wanted to address #3, I wasn't trying to sneak out, he was fast alseep so I didn't want to wake him until the last possible minute to just let me out, I was trying to be considerate, not sneaky....but I guess it didn't come off that way...lesson learned.
You are too hung up on this guy. It's premature. He doesn't sound like a perfect match for you. Don't be too quick to give this guy your heart. I think there's a much better match for you out there.
He's OK to have sex with, but not OK to bring around your friends??
You "know him" well enough to have sex with him but it's too awkward to ASK him about his online activities???
Tracking his logins is SO STUPID. It makes you crazy, and it makes you look crazy too. Think about all the emotional energy and time you've wasted just ruminating about whether he's on that stupid dating website.
It doesn't seem like you really know what you're doing, and you're just letting your emotions lead the way without really engaging your brain.
I also like to add: if this is the beginning phases of dating, in which you are meant to have fun and not have to sit around and worry about how much he feels, why not stop to ask yourself how you feel about him and what you're willing to accept or not?
This whole time the entire focus has been about him. I highly doubt he thinks you're not into him.
It's almost as if you've lost sight about your own self and your needs and wants, and you've totally neglected who you are in the process. You're way fixated on what he's doing, how about change your own behavior and shift focus back on you? If you were a guy, would you date you?
Quote:
Originally Posted by bebe182
Ok, so are you guys saying this logging on is not that big of a deal, as long as he's still in contact with me? Because I've really never actually gotten passed a second date in the OLD world, so I really don't know what the norm is.
Most of the men I've dated I have met in social setting or through friends, so obviously there was no option to keep an eye out on a dating profile.
I wouldn't minimize my concerns, especially after hearing: "I'm a one woman kind of man." Okay, then. His actions clearly contradict what he says.
At the same time, you are in a grey area bc you slept with him this early on, and you seem to want a label, because you're attached. It's normal to be attached when you sleep with someone. Oxytocin (love hormone) is kickin in and of course you aren't thinking clearly. You're mostly thinking with your heart.
Maybe you can give yourself time to detach a little. Forget about this dude for now. Shift focus back on you.. take a nice candle lit bubble bath, put your hair in a new do', listen to your favorite music, focus on the things you're most passionate about.
I also like to add: if this is the beginning phases of dating, in which you are meant to have fun and not have to sit around and worry about how much he feels, why not stop to ask yourself how you feel about him and what you're willing to accept or not?
This whole time the entire focus has been about him. I highly doubt he thinks you're not into him.
It's almost as if you've lost sight about your own self and your needs and wants, and you've totally neglected who you are in the process. You're way fixated on what he's doing, how about change your own behavior and shift focus back on you? If you were a guy, would you date you?
This is a really important point and a GREAT distinction to point out.
It reminds me of the girls who go on The Bachelor, who may not even like the guy THAT much but just want to be picked and are so desperate that they will do anything to be The One.
Seems a bit like a stalker to monitor him at all. I think having sex before you have a bit more time to get to know each other is a mistake. And, obviously, it is part of the reason you seem most upset....because having sex to you meant something more in the way of commitment.
All that you can do is take care of you. since you already know that he has mislead you you can make the right choice....Good luck
I hate saying it (and yes I know there are exceptions) but I don't think it's a good idea to have sex before being exclusive. In my 20's when I had sex before getting serious, I always ended up feeling cheap afterwards because I found the "courtship" and friendship aspect of dating ended because I gave into temptation.
He probably likes spending time with you and is happy to have had sex with you, but he's still trying to see who is out there.
sounds like you need some closure! This guy must mean something to you if it's effecting you enough to ask strangers for thier opinion lol I don't know how upfront and direct you are but honestly I would just ask him (face to face if possible) if this guy is worth anything,he will respect you for it. And at the very least he'll give you an honest answer. as long as you are strong enough to take the possible refusal to respond ,what have you got to lose??
So I've sort of moved on since Thursday, I texted him to see how his day was, his reply was "could be better" so I asked if everything was ok his reply was "I guess" with no further explanation, I told him I hoped his day gets better and he thanked me. At that point I realized, if I have to make this kind of effort to get two words out of him it's just not worth it. He made me feel like a fool for even texting him. Next morning he texted me "good morning" which shocked me cause he's never done that, I replied with the same....and that was it, again no convo. So I'm moving on, I'm supposed to have a date with a new guy this Wednesday!
At that point I realized, if I have to make this kind of effort to get two words out of him it's just not worth it. He made me feel like a fool for even texting him.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,962,945 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by hayupkayo
Say it with me:
no sex before monogamy
And say with me, you'll never find quality partner with this mindset, since 90% of people with a brain aren't going to commit to someone if they don't know there is sexual chemistry and compatibility with.
All you get is the religious and the desperate.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I don't know how upfront and direct you are but honestly I would just ask him (face to face if possible) if this guy is worth anything,he will respect you for it. And at the very least he'll give you an honest answer. as long as you are strong enough to take the possible refusal to respond ,what have you got to lose??
