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Old 05-14-2015, 08:03 AM
 
19,573 posts, read 8,491,960 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by k374 View Post
I know that the person who invited (99.9% of the time it's the guy) should pay for the date, but what happens in this situation. Guy suggests place X for the first date which is a cheaper but still decent sports bar... girl says let's do Y instead which happens to be an expensive restaurant. Does this mean that now it's reasonable that the check be split instead?

I think in this case the guy is off the hook to pay the entire thing as some responsibility for the increased cost goes to the girl as well. Agree or not?
If a girl is smart, she will not reject his choice or offer another. This is offensive and puts a lot of pressure on him, before the first date is even completed. He will now likely be thinking that he made a mistake by asking her out to begin with and that her actions here pretty much prove it.

As far as a sports bar, he may have had a specific reason for choosing that location. Perhaps he did not want to escalate things too quickly, either for him or for her, and felt that such a location would help them both to check each other out a little bit while leaving their options open. Also, he may have not wanted to spend a lot of money on a first date and he may not have wanted to invoke the kind of romanticism that going to an expensive restaurant on a first date suggests this early in their "relationship".

But this girl had to push and be selfish. If she is smart, she will learn from this experience that everything is not all about her, and not be so selfish and pushy with any other suitors she may have going forward.
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Old 05-14-2015, 08:05 AM
 
2,179 posts, read 4,980,276 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Chillinout123 View Post
WTH is wrong with a sports bar/restaurant? I wouldn't want to go out with a guy if he suggested a very intimate romantic restaurant for a first date. I would rather go to a sports bar that has a fun atmosphere then some over priced stuffy restaurant that's pretentious.

I don't really think a sport's bar (when there's a game on) is a great idea for a first date because assuming someone is into the game, it means less time is spent on getting to know you IMO. Just not the right atmosphere.

In fairness, a game could be played at anymore with a tv. I've had dates at bars (most not sports bars), where there was a game on and it was clear that I wasn't focused on (until the commercials came on lol).
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Old 05-14-2015, 08:18 AM
 
1,341 posts, read 1,623,604 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Naomi Manischewitz View Post
I don't really think a sport's bar (when there's a game on) is a great idea for a first date because assuming someone is into the game, it means less time is spent on getting to know you IMO. Just not the right atmosphere.

In fairness, a game could be played at anymore with a tv. I've had dates at bars (most not sports bars), where there was a game on and it was clear that I wasn't focused on (until the commercials came on lol).
This is why coffee/tea and pastries sound like a great date - especially early in the morning before work (i.e. 7:00 AM). I've had this habit back where I am from, but sadly most American women aren't okay with either such type of date or the time frame. I had to conform to a ridiculous norm where I would go to a bar, club, or a restaurant at night. I wasn't surprised that none of the women was the type I wanted.
Thing is that most American men don't reason this way either, this is why so many clubs and bars are stacked in the evening and why pastry shops are empty in the morning.
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Old 05-14-2015, 08:40 AM
 
Location: New Yawk
9,196 posts, read 7,209,082 times
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Agreed. I'd much rather see a man in his natural habitat than in a place that is supposed to impress me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chillinout123 View Post
WTH is wrong with a sports bar/restaurant? I wouldn't want to go out with a guy if he suggested a very intimate romantic restaurant for a first date. I would rather go to a sports bar that has a fun atmosphere then some over priced stuffy restaurant that's pretentious.
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Old 05-14-2015, 08:53 AM
 
Location: Pittsburgh
29,700 posts, read 34,246,140 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Naomi Manischewitz View Post
In fairness, a game could be played at anymore with a tv. I've had dates at bars (most not sports bars), where there was a game on and it was clear that I wasn't focused on (until the commercials came on lol).
And that's kind of the problem with sports bars. They tend to have walls and walls of distracting flashing screens, which isn't the best atmosphere to get to know somebody. There are plenty of places that aren't stuffy and expensive that also don't have a TV or two on every wall no matter where you look.

Last edited by fleetiebelle; 05-14-2015 at 09:02 AM..
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Old 05-14-2015, 09:12 AM
 
4,038 posts, read 4,851,446 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Chillinout123 View Post
WTH is wrong with a sports bar/restaurant? I wouldn't want to go out with a guy if he suggested a very intimate romantic restaurant for a first date. I would rather go to a sports bar that has a fun atmosphere then some over priced stuffy restaurant that's pretentious.
You're aware there's a lot in-between a noisy, distracting sports bar, and an intimate romantic restaurant, right? Why only give those extremes? Probably 80% of restaurants out there don't fall into either category. I don't think the OP should give into pressure to switch to a high-end venue, but taking the hint and switching to an alternative that has better food than a sports bar (not hard to find), and doesn't have TV's and pool tables isn't difficult. It sounds like the OP doesn't have much dating experience, that's all. This doesn't have to be a big deal, unless his date makes it one, in which case he should tell her he's sorry he doesn't measure up to her standards, and walk. Most women aren't that extreme, though.
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Old 05-14-2015, 09:13 AM
 
Location: Texas
44,256 posts, read 64,223,092 times
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You ask, you pay.
You pick, you pay.
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Old 05-14-2015, 09:27 AM
 
4,380 posts, read 4,441,519 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ellie View Post
How expensive is this place?
Or maybe since he suggested a sports bar, she thinks he wants to go out for a beer and she doesn't drink beer and would rather have a cocktail.

I'm curious about the OP's definition of "expensive" too. It could be he's talking about a dive bar with $1 Taco Tuesdays, and she's talking more like Applebee's and we're assuming she's talking about the only 5-star dinner in town. We really don't have full information here.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Chillinout123 View Post
WTH is wrong with a sports bar/restaurant? I wouldn't want to go out with a guy if he suggested a very intimate romantic restaurant for a first date. I would rather go to a sports bar that has a fun atmosphere then some over priced stuffy restaurant that's pretentious.
I have never been to a sports bar in the evening that wasn't loud and in which I didn't have to shout at whoever I was with to be heard. Plus, maybe for some reason the girl doesn't/can't eat greasy bar food.


Quote:
Originally Posted by nald View Post
This is why coffee/tea and pastries sound like a great date - especially early in the morning before work (i.e. 7:00 AM). I've had this habit back where I am from, but sadly most American women aren't okay with either such type of date or the time frame.
I work at 7:00 a.m. Say I need 15 minutes to get to work, so the date has to end at 6:45 a.m. Say an hour for meeting. That means we meet at 5:45 a.m. I'm pretty sure if I polled my male friends on this, they'd all say "oh, Hell no!"

Quote:
Originally Posted by NewbiePoster View Post
This doesn't have to be a big deal, unless his date makes it one, in which case he should tell her he's sorry he doesn't measure up to her standards, and walk. Most women aren't that extreme, though.
Agreed. It sounds like they may have different dating styles/expectations.
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Old 05-14-2015, 10:18 AM
 
Location: The Hall of Justice
25,901 posts, read 42,625,050 times
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Just compare it to offering a meal to someone at your house. If I invite you for dinner and say I am grilling some burgers and corn, it would be pretty appalling for you to say, "Can we have rib eyes instead?" But if you said, "Gosh, that sounds great but I don't eat beef, so could I bring some fish?" I don't think many people would blink at that.
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Old 05-14-2015, 10:25 AM
 
50,489 posts, read 36,145,160 times
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I don't know why the change happened in OPs example....but I have never and would never suggest a more expensive place for no reason...if there were something wrong with the first place for some reason, I'd suggest a place in the same range. I don't know any women who would do this on a date, especially in early stages. I'd do it if a LTR, but I'd ask "do you want to go here Saturday night?"
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