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Hello there. I am a 22 year old guy that lives with his girlfriend in an apartment for 2 years now. In order to understand my point I'll give you some quick information about us. Feel free to skip to the bolded short version if you don't have the time to read.
After having a 1 year long relationship with my grielfriend we dicided to move in a place of our own and live together. I said that in order to do that atleast one of us will have to work so we can live without depending on our parents for everything. After 2 years I made a successfull leap in my profession and not only did we get independant but actually live in a pretty good financial situation. In order to achieve this however I have to work a full work day. Along with having my job I also go to university (barely managing it) and occasionally take on additional projects for extra cash. My girlfriend has an expensive private university but very rarely goes to it and often ignores it(while I pay for it) and when asked to do some house chores I have no time for (because of working or studying) she refuses and just lays on the sofa or bed all day chatting on facebook or other social networks and going out daily to hang out with someone. On top of all that she tends to be quite chaotic and our home is often filled with clothes everywhere, tons of unwashed dishes and very dirty surroundings.
In short: I have a full work day to provide for me and my girlfriend and also go to university along with that. With my income I pay for all the things my girlfriend wants and also her university she almost never goes to/studies for. When I ask her to do any chore in the house (clean, wash clothes, do the dishes, cook something) even very rarely she always refuses and acts offended. I am all for her using her time to study or work but she does not do any of that and just chats all day on facebook. Am I right to think this is not adequate of her?
I am far from the idea of wanting only a housewife that has no education or professional development - I support her in both of those. My problem is that she does not want to work or study and just chats or goes out with friends all day. If she spends her time only that way is it wrong of me to ask her to atleast do some house chores? If I am right then how do I ask her? I have tried both being nice and understanding and being more direct and commanding - she just ignores me. If she just keeps saying "no" there is no way I can really force her... so what do I do? How do I convice her she is not doing right by me?
Sorry for going full novel size on you but I couldn't explain my situation with fewer words. Also sorry for potential grammar errors - english is not my native language.
Hello there. I am a 22 year old guy that lives with his girlfriend in an apartment for 2 years now. In order to understand my point I'll give you some quick information about us. Feel free to skip to the bolded short version if you don't have the time to read.
...On top of all that she tends to be quite chaotic and our home is often filled with clothes everywhere, tons of unwashed dishes and very dirty surroundings...
Man, you're with a nasty (you fill in the blank). How do you even get it up in nasty, filthy surroundings like that? You should insist that she get off of her lazy behind and CLEAN! Introduce her to a broom, a dustpan, a vacuum cleaner and a mop. You know if your dishes are kept nasty in the kitchen, you can get a disease/infection right? Ever heard of Staph?
Well.. fortunately, you moved in together, discovered, and experienced this before marriage and before children. (Please, those mavens of marraige before move in... step aside)
I would take the day off from work to focus on the situation.
Sit her down and Talk to her. Explain everything in the original post without sounding like you are placing blame. Simply say how it is and how you feel.
If she doesn't respond or becomes defensive, I would move to end the relationship. This is not the future you want. This is essentially a "trial marriage" and the root of most marriage failures is the inability to communicate. This is a red flag in my book.
If she is open to talking about it, great! Try to get to the root of the behavior. Set expectations.. assign chores that you will do and what she will do. Ask what things bother her... and tell her what things bother you.
Do not.. I repeat do not... exclude yourself from any and all chores/responsibilities just because you work. That doesn't set the stage for a perception of equality. Yes I know you pay for anything but as humans we tend to focus on things we "do see" not what we can't see. Pickup something small and easy to do... or some chore you can do together.
Like you I work very long hours and have a long commute.... I am the single income earner for a 5 person family. I still come home and do the dishes each and every night. Afterwards, I always ask my wife "what can I do?"
She knows I am tired and usually doesn't ask for anything more.
I am showing her that I am participating in the household.. however small.
She is showing that she appreciates my efforts to support the family financially by not asking too much of me.
You are being completely used by this chick. Are you that desperate that you let this woman use you like this. She must laugh at you every day. She obviously has no respect for you.
You are being completely used by this chick. Are you that desperate that you let this woman use you like this. She must laugh at you every day. She obviously has no respect for you.
I know I'm laughing.
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