This guy wants sex but I want to actually have a friendship (mature, therapist)

[goofy328]

Originally Posted by Kimx29

I'm 28 and I have been talking to this 40 year old man online for a year he and I live in different states. We've talked a few times on the phone and we have also sent sexy pictures to each other. He said he just wanted to have sex with me and that's it. I told him that I didn't want to be in a relationship with him. That I only wanted to be friends he said that he thought I was nice woman but that he didn't think we were compatible. He said that we had talked on the phone several times and that he didn't enjoy talking to me. I told him I knew it was because I asked him personal questions and that he makes me feel nervous. That he intimidates me in some way he asked me why I told him because he seemed like the type who likes perfection and that he seems judgmental. He said that was a misconception and false assumption. I told him I wanted to see him when I am in town and that I liked talking to him because he's older and has more experience. He said age has nothing to do with having experience and that we would talk about that.

I do not want to be in a romantic relationship with him but I would like to at least be friends with him. I'm just hoping that maybe if we actually meet in person we may actually become friends.

He isn't your friend though. But if that is what you want to tell yourself no one is going to stop you.

[Yiuppy]

Originally Posted by Kimx29

Some men say they only want sex then after the sexual encounter they feel different. Though it may be rare I know for a fact that it does happen. No one knows for sure how they will feel after having sex with someone.

NOT when they say it explicitly, "I DONT LIKE TALKING TO YOU, AND DONT WANT TO BE FRIENDS, BECAUSE I JUST WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU."

[Kimx29]

I didn't put words in his mouth I was telling him how I felt. Have you not done this before with anyone? If I were putting words in his mouth I would have told him straight up that I thought he liked perfection. It's an assumption I made and I was wrong.

Originally Posted by star.crossed

Mismatch. Move on. Seriously I would be annoyed with you as well. He told you he didn't like talking to you and you excused that because you were nervous. Not to mention your addition to the conversation sounds really immature. You puts your words and ideas in his mouth- like you seem to like perfection, you are judgmental. Very immature. You need to stop doing that. I would date guys your own age or younger and learn to communicate by listening to what people are saying instead of putting your assumptions on them.

I am not trying to be mean- but you are completely clueless. Let the guy go- he will only see you as someone to have sex with and then you will end up hurt over it all.

[Pugster43]

Originally Posted by Kimx29

He's not a fake profile I already stated that I know other people who know him. I will not be drinking at all while I'm on this trip stop assuming. I don't even know why I bothered to ask this question here. Everyone here is really negative you act like I don't know that he only wants sex. However people do change their mind not saying that he will though. I just mean the way people think it's like there is no possibility at all. I like to think that anything is possible I know I'll have someone here saying how stupid I am for thinking this way etc.

I wasn't assuming. I said you would probably drink too much (and mostly because I was being sarcastic) didn't say you were going to. Good lord.

[Kimx29]

You apparently haven't experienced anything you have never in life heard of anything who said they only wanted sex? Then after actually sleeping with that person things changed? I'm not at all saying this is the case with him.

Originally Posted by Yiuppy

NOT when they say it explicitly, "I DONT LIKE TALKING TO YOU, AND DONT WANT TO BE FRIENDS, BECAUSE I JUST WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU."

[Kimx29]

That's assuming you assumed I would drink why? What if I told you I don't drink alcohol? That wouldn't be possible though right? Because you think I'm "young and naive" Yeah right I know because it's not possible that I may actually be able to handle myself and carry on like a mature woman.

Originally Posted by Pugster43

I wasn't assuming. I said you would probably drink too much (and mostly because I was being sarcastic) didn't say you were going to. Good lord.

[HappyRain]

Originally Posted by Kimx29

You apparently haven't experienced anything you have never in life heard of anything who said they only wanted sex? Then after actually sleeping with that person things changed? I'm not at all saying this is the case with him.

It can happen. But more often than not, it doesn't. And the woman who thought she could buy a man's interest with sex finds out he still cares no more for her than he did before.

Men have feelings, and can get attached. They aren't inhuman. But more often than not, sex is just a fun activity for many guys, and they don't have to care about the woman to enjoy sex with her. And some men will be blunt with you that they only wanted to hook up.

Most of the time, women will be the ones to change after sex and get attached. It happens more for women than men really.

Anyone I see having trouble because they have feelings for their sex buddy, or FWB, it's usually a young girl. Teens and 20s.

So if you wanna have sex, fine. But be prepared that it's possible nothing will change, and if not, you can continue having sex, or move on.

Just be prepared for any outcome, good or bad. If you absolutely can't handle being used for sex, best not to even try and risk it. That's the thing with people. Don't gamble or play any kind of game or take risks, if you aren't willing to deal with losing.

I have seen girls do this. They don't want to be used for sex, but continue sleeping with the guy and try to get angry, bitter, and/or whine when he hasn't changed his mind. So if you meet him, and decide to go ahead with the sex, and he still doesn't act like a good friend, you won't have any right to get mad, because he warned you before he didn't care for your friendship and conversation.

[star.crossed]

Originally Posted by Kimx29

I didn't put words in his mouth I was telling him how I felt. Have you not done this before with anyone? If I were putting words in his mouth I would have told him straight up that I thought he liked perfection. It's an assumption I made and I was wrong.

Uh yes you did. Putting words in people's mouths is the same as making assumptions and your communication is mostly assumptions. He doesn't like you. Do you not have any self respect. God I am done with this thread.

[Pugster43]

Originally Posted by Kimx29

You apparently haven't experienced anything you have never in life heard of anything who said they only wanted sex? Then after actually sleeping with that person things changed? I'm not at all saying this is the case with him.

Dealing with most men, especially the blunt ones, is not this complicated. If they tell you you're boring and are only willing to ***** you, they mean it. The possibility of a man changing his mind after reaching this conclusion is close to nil. Anything else is like spotting a herd of unicorns farting rainbows. AKA wishful thinking. Delusional.

I do not believe it is the previous poster you responded to who is lacking life experience.

[TabulaRasa]

Originally Posted by Kimx29

You apparently haven't experienced anything you have never in life heard of anything who said they only wanted sex? Then after actually sleeping with that person things changed?

No.