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Both of you are obese. And what does this mean?-- " But my doctor says i'm in good health I could lose some weight but it's not necessary right now."
Overweight is unhealthy, whether someone is 1 years old or 100. It is necessary to lose weight for you and I suggest you start doing it for a healthy, happier life. The issue is your fat BF demanding you lose weight... NERVY.
Your bf is a hypocrite. He sounds just as "fat" as he accuses you of being. You both could stand to lose weight because you both sound unhealthy for your height. But what's more troubling is the amount of weight gain in only a 5 year period. Five to ten pounds over five years is a bit more understanding, but over 20? I don't understand and Im really not trying to be offensive but I think that weight gain within reason is expected in a ltr but that much weight gain is difficult to rationalize to a partner that met you when you looked much smaller and more in shape. He was attracted to that YOU, and the drastic transformation on both ends(you both gained weight) has probably changed the level of attraction you guys have for one another. I can't see how it wouldnt-i know that if I were with a man and he gained over 20 pounds Im not sure if I would still find him as physically attractive as when we first met. And if it was too much weight gain I think I might even grow resentful because I got with him based on the idea that he looked a certain way and his look changed in a way that I don't find attractive.
Plus I workout and watch my weight regularly. If I gain more than 5 pounds I feel like l crap and immediately began cutting food out and working out harder. I like looking nice and feeling good. I like looking a certain way and would absolutely have let myself go if I look in the mirror and no longer like how I look-especially if it got so out of hand that Im now severely overweight.
I believe that we project on the outside how we feel about ourselves on the inside. If I look unhealthy and have let myself go physically I probably don't feel the best about myself. And especially in a relationship I want to look good for my man, I want him to want me the same way he did when we met, and I want him to look good for me and I want to want him the same throughout our relationship as well. I don't want to find myself turned off because he stopped caring about taking care of himself.
People will call this shallow but I think it's important to consider that looks are just as important as other qualities in a partner and just as we would leave someone that started to treat us like crap when they treated us nicely before-a drastic unhealthy transformation in looks would be a deal breaker to many.
But in your situation your both in the same boat-neither of you are healthy and you both have changed weight wise. He should be doing the same as you and attempting to lose weight. Demeaning you and making you feel like crap especially when he's in the same boat, is hypocritical and wrong. Personally I wouldn't be with a man that believed I was fat, nor would I be with someone who expected more of me then he did himself.
Good job on your weight loss journey so far! Keep at it.
Yep. Oh, and I forgot to mention, after going out and getting prescribed pills/surgeries/treatments, we scream about how expensive health care is and the unfairness of it all. No one ever seems to realize that we spend 70% of our health care dollars on treating diseases that can be prevented with healthier lifestyles.
So it sounds like the OP needs to:
--Dump the boyfriend (I'm not absolutely sure of this, but kinda sounds like it).
--Dump the doctor (for sure).
--Get a new diet Forks Over Knives | Official Website
--Get some therapy/counseling. (pregnant as a teen is often an indicator of emotional issues. Postpartum depression & suicide attempt are major red flags to say the least).
It's not just about diet. We don't know what she'd doing diet-wise, but we know she's not exercising. To boost her weight loss, she could take a 20-minute walk around the neighborhood every day, and gradually extend that to longer times. Spring is a great time to enjoy fresh air, flowers blooming, and walking. She can add a basic gym workout, to start building lean muscle mass. That, for sure, will accelerate her weight loss, and will trim her up, gradually.
Eliminate sugar and refined carbs (white bread, white rice, and potatoes go into that category, too). Minimize starchy foods. Those are enough changes, for starters. Support those changes by getting therapy for the traumas, and beyond the traumas to earlier family issues, or whatever may be at the root of the traumatic events. There are therapists who specialize in trauma, OP. Think of these things not as burdens you have to take on, but as the loving care for mind and body that your psyche is craving. You can do it! You're already on the right track.
Remember which forum you're in. It's Relationships, not Health & Wellness and not Psychology.
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It's not just about diet. We don't know what she'd doing diet-wise, but we know she's not exercising. To boost her weight loss, she could take a 20-minute walk around the neighborhood every day, and gradually extend that to longer times. Spring is a great time to enjoy fresh air, flowers blooming, and walking. She can add a basic gym workout, to start building lean muscle mass. That, for sure, will accelerate her weight loss, and will trim her up, gradually.
Eliminate sugar and refined carbs (white bread, white rice, and potatoes go into that category, too). Minimize starchy foods. Those are enough changes, for starters. Support those changes by getting therapy for the traumas, and beyond the traumas to earlier family issues, or whatever may be at the root of the traumatic events. There are therapists who specialize in trauma, OP. Think of these things not as burdens you have to take on, but as the loving care for mind and body that your psyche is craving. You can do it! You're already on the right track.
Both of you are obese. And what does this mean?-- " But my doctor says i'm in good health I could lose some weight but it's not necessary right now."
Overweight is unhealthy, whether someone is 1 years old or 100. It is necessary to lose weight for you and I suggest you start doing it for a healthy, happier life. The issue is your fat BF demanding you lose weight... NERVY.
5'7 188 is not obese. Someone that weight may or may not be healthy. It all depends on activity level, diet, genetics, and a host of other things. Her doctor, who has said she is in good health, has access to something you don't: her medical history, labwork etc.
I don't agree with the other posters that the BF is the villain. The OP is indeed fat. So is the BF. They both need to lose weight. Why are you bashing the BF for stating a fact that she is fat?
I mean what's the big deal, really.. Jeez.
OK, you haven't read the thread. You're not the first one to post this question, and the answer is the same; the bf told her she was fat when she was in the hospital recovering from a suicide attempt, something that may have been the result of the miscarriage she had not long prior to the suicide attempt. The bf apparently has never even spoken to her about the miscarriage (of his unborn child with her), nor of the suicide attempt. Instead, he tells her she needs to lose weight. This, irony of ironies, when he, himself, is tubby.
That has a lot to do with people's reactions to the bf.
I don't agree with the other posters that the BF is the villain. The OP is indeed fat. So is the BF. They both need to lose weight. Why are you bashing the BF for stating a fact that she is fat?
And what's wrong with the BF telling her to lose weight? it's for her own good.
OP, you are fat. But only you can change your weight. At least you have a BF that nags you about losing weight. But since he is himself fat, tell him you will lose weight together.
Your bf is a hypocrite. He sounds just as "fat" as he accuses you of being. You both could stand to lose weight because you both sound unhealthy for your height. But what's more troubling is the amount of weight gain in only a 5 year period. Five to ten pounds over five years is a bit more understanding, but over 20? I don't understand and Im really not trying to be offensive but I think that weight gain within reason is expected in a ltr but that much weight gain is difficult to rationalize to a partner that met you when you looked much smaller and more in shape. He was attracted to that YOU, and the drastic transformation on both ends(you both gained weight) has probably changed the level of attraction you guys have for one another. I can't see how it wouldnt-i know that if I were with a man and he gained over 20 pounds Im not sure if I would still find him as physically attractive as when we first met. And if it was too much weight gain I think I might even grow resentful because I got with him based on the idea that he looked a certain way and his look changed in a way that I don't find attractive.
Plus I workout and watch my weight regularly. If I gain more than 5 pounds I feel like l crap and immediately began cutting food out and working out harder. I like looking nice and feeling good. I like looking a certain way and would absolutely have let myself go if I look in the mirror and no longer like how I look-especially if it got so out of hand that Im now severely overweight.
I believe that we project on the outside how we feel about ourselves on the inside. If I look unhealthy and have let myself go physically I probably don't feel the best about myself. And especially in a relationship I want to look good for my man, I want him to want me the same way he did when we met, and I want him to look good for me and I want to want him the same throughout our relationship as well. I don't want to find myself turned off because he stopped caring about taking care of himself.
People will call this shallow but I think it's important to consider that looks are just as important as other qualities in a partner and just as we would leave someone that started to treat us like crap when they treated us nicely before-a drastic unhealthy transformation in looks would be a deal breaker to many.
But in your situation your both in the same boat-neither of you are healthy and you both have changed weight wise. He should be doing the same as you and attempting to lose weight. Demeaning you and making you feel like crap especially when he's in the same boat, is hypocritical and wrong. Personally I wouldn't be with a man that believed I was fat, nor would I be with someone who expected more of me then he did himself.
Good job on your weight loss journey so far! Keep at it.
I once gained over 60lbs over about 5-8 years. I have PCOS and gained weight rather quickly despite no change in my diet. It took a long, long time to figure out what was going on and was hard to lose all the weight, really hard. My hormone levels are far closer to normal now and I'm back very near my normal weight. So it's quite possible to gain a significant amount of weight in a relatively short period of time. Been there, done that. Very frustrating situation it was.
OP: having a douche for a boyfriend isn't going to help. It's ok for him to want a change because being overweight isn't healthy but the way he's getting that across to you is, at best, counterintuitive. Also, if he's a douche about this he'll be a douche about other things.
This isn't about that "you go girl" business either. Shaming someone into losing weight is horrible. Especially when this guy isn't exactly a lightweight even after his weight loss so far.
The go girl thing....my DH needs to lose about 25-30 lbs after being thin/fit all of his life up until a few years back. Maybe if I went home and kicked him in the teeth and told him my friends think _____ of him after his weight gain he'd get right on that weight loss thing. What a joke.
I once gained over 60lbs over about 5-8 years. I have PCOS and gained weight rather quickly despite no change in my diet. It took a long, long time to figure out what was going on and was hard to lose all the weight, really hard. My hormone levels are far closer to normal now and I'm back very near my normal weight. So it's quite possible to gain a significant amount of weight in a relatively short period of time. Been there, done that. Very frustrating situation it was.
OP: having a douche for a boyfriend isn't going to help. It's ok for him to want a change because being overweight isn't healthy but the way he's getting that across to you is, at best, counterintuitive. Also, if he's a douche about this he'll be a douche about other things.
This isn't about that "you go girl" business either. Shaming someone into losing weight is horrible. Especially when this guy isn't exactly a lightweight even after his weight loss so far.
The go girl thing....my DH needs to lose about 25-30 lbs after being thin/fit all of his life up until a few years back. Maybe if I went home and kicked him in the teeth and told him my friends think _____ of him after his weight gain he'd get right on that weight loss thing. What a joke.
Op, congrats on your weight loss so far!
I'm sorry about your weight gain. I don't know how I would feel if a so of mine gained a lot of weight for a health related reason. I would probably still be turned off if it made him very overweight but I would probably stick it out and be supportive. Admittingly I'm slightly shallow so a drastic change in looks would be difficult for me but if for a health reason that isn't the persons fault so how can I be resentful or mean about it. But if it's in their control and they just aren't taking care of themselves Im not sure if I would stick around if changes werent made. In my family we "shame" each other and it works well but I understand that not everyone responds to that and yes the ops bf is a douche. I didnt read the entire thread but in seeing when he called her fat, it does seem like he's an A hole.
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