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My ex-husband has an odd work schedule where he works from 2 a.m. to 12 p.m. Wed through Sundays. I have custody of our child from Wed 6 pm to Sunday 5pm. So, I do not have any weekends off. This is very hard for dating and getting a social life out of my schedule. I have asked the ex to see if he could find a different schedule so that we can alternate every other weekend to have parenting time. He refuses and says he likes his schedule the way it is.
This was part of our problem during our marriage too. Even on his days off, he had a fit about me going out for a bike ride after work because he didn't want to babysit once I was home. He also didn't want to take our child out for his swim lessons because he said it was me who signed up for them so it should be me to take our child to class. Sometimes, I was just tired from a long day from work and wanted some time off for myself.
Am I the one being selfish for wanting a weekend off so I can be free to date and do other things? I feel that he has it easier because on his days off, our son goes to school, so it's easier for him to have time off for himself. Our son is in preschool.
I don't think you are wrong or selfish for wanting a few weekends to yourself, but you can't make him change his schedule to accommodate you. The best you can do is try to re-arrange your schedule as best you can. OR looking at what you have, you have Sunday evenings free from the sounds of it, and a few weekdays. Try to find social groups who meet on Monday, Tuesday, or Wednesday after work hours or try to find social clubs where kids are welcome like a parenting group. Trust me, there are a lot of groups who meet weekdays "after work" (I put that in quotes because I work very late and can never make these social events, but I know they are out there because I wish I could attend them).
As for dating, that can be harder, but people work all kinds of schedules and such. I've dated people who worked all weekend and had Monday's off (usually they work retail). It might just limit your options. I know that's not what you want to hear, but it's not impossible for you although it is a lot harder.
What I am saying is don't feel bad for wanting something, but realize wanting and getting don't go hand in hand, so it's best to look at what you got and make the best of it that you can.
You're not selfish for wanting adult time on the weekends from time to time, or the flexibiity to socialize. You do have to understand that if you're going to get that free time, it's going to come in the form of a babysitter, and/or that you're going to have to find kid-friendly social formats, or arrange your dating life around when your former spouse has your child even though it's not on the weekend.
Last edited by TabulaRasa; 05-18-2015 at 11:14 AM..
Well doesn't look like he will compromise with you, so can you hire a babysitter or have a family member watch your son on an occasional weekend night so you can go out? I mean that seems to be your only option, also it would probably be best for you to date single dads who have a similar schedule to you, they'd be more understanding, and would be thankful that you understand their situation as well.
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He's more than likely using this to control your weekends and keep you from going out, so I doubt you'll get him to make an adjustment to his schedule. No, I don't think you're being selfish at all, but you're in a tough situation. I would suggest a baby sitter on the weekends if you can spring for it. Good luck to you.
That’s a similar arrangement that my friend and her husband have (the "weekday parent" has the kids Sunday 6PM-Friday 5PM, the "weekend parent" has them from Friday 5PM-Sunday 6PM). Their schedule didn't prevent either parent from dating and remarrying (you don’t have to wait for the weekend to date).
He's more than likely using this to control your weekends and keep you from going out...
Or, you know, that's when his job is.
Of course, it's totally possible that he specifically sought out a position working weekends purely to screw with his ex.
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