what a predictament I'm live in

[leftcoastie]

I'll be darned. 59, you say? Hmmm. Interesting...

[JonathanLB]

I agree with the idea of selling the house. I know that in life it's the wrong assumption that purely moving makes your problems go away, but sometimes it is a change of scenery that starts the process. For me, in Los Angeles, I was done with the whole scene and the people I met there and I was happy to get out. I have some fond memories, but just being there was driving me crazy in a lot of ways.

I think your house is a constant reminder of something that's gone and the past is a danger sometimes to your future. I know it is for me often times. I have no clue why people in general (I definitely find myself in this trap, constantly) tend to make more note and put more emotional value in what is missing or what isn't going well than taking proper inventory of what you DO have. The times that I have been able to readjust my thinking to fit my new reality, I have found myself amazingly happy in some absolutely terrible circumstances. I guess it's really true what they say that you can't always control what happens to you, but you can control how you react to it. In this instance, you're thinking a lot about what you have lost but as you correctly pointed out, there is much that you have to offer not just to other people but also to yourself and building a new happiness.

I know how tough that can be though to try to move beyond the past events and start something new, because it often involves trying to change your thinking. We all get into those funks. I wrote and directed a short film two summers ago that I thought was the strongest work I had done, and yet it was not at all successful and my first failed project, really, which is still crazy to me as it looks so beautiful. I guess the story just didn't connect with film festivals. I had written a feature length script that I started 5 years earlier that was sort of the point of the short, like the short was to be an advertisement or marketing pitch for the feature script, which I really loved and had completed about 22 drafts. The reception I got on the script was mediocre, too. My past project was so well received and such a creative success, I certainly expected at least these two would be reasonably successful *even if* they didn't get me anywhere career-wise, I thought, "Ok if nothing else, they will be a confidence-booster and a reminder to keep working hard." Instead, they were completely deflating failures. I wish I could say something nicer than that, but I don't know what else you can say, I'm very proud of them both in that I feel they are excellent work, but if I'm the only one feeling that way and some of my friends, my girlfriend, etc., it's clear they just didn't connect with audiences / readers. That's a bummer. I have found it tough to move beyond that into my next projects, even though I need to do so and forget the past, sometimes that self-doubt always creeps in and it's a rough one. In the past, I've usually had some sort of success to break me out of the funk, some sort of spark, and that usually re-ignites my passion. I'm not sure what the deal is but I'm having trouble shaking myself out of it like it sounds you are with your circumstances.

Perhaps a change of scenery and going outside of your comfort zone is what you need. A new place in a more exciting area, perhaps, smaller, easier to manage, maybe take some "me" trips even, there are fun things you could do just traveling, perhaps somewhere you could reflect a bit and prepare for the next stage. I feel like in life, our past failures or past frustrations often haunt our future endeavors, which is a shame as today can always be the start of a new and better you.

[lucky2balive]

you DO have it made...man sack up!!!!
Go out and get involved...join euchre groups at your church, join singles clubs...

There are tons of women who would love to be a part of your life

[david0966]

Originally Posted by outdoorman

I am so tired of my situation and can't see a solution:
I was married for over 25 yrs until wife left me and our youngest son because she wasn't happy and wanted to live doing what pleased her for the rest of her life. That was a few years ago so now our son has graduated high school moved away leaving just me in a house full of things that have memories of my family.
It's been hard getting over my wife since I dedicated my entire life providing for my family.
I didn't mind working hard for them, I feel it is my responsibility. My family never went without.

I've always been health conscious and everyone tells me I look 10 yrs younger than the 59 I am.
I worked out daily through my 20s, 30s and never smoke, drank, or did drugs. People are shocked how healthy I eat: I avoid junk food; no candy, ice cream, soda, cake, etc in 35 yrs ! I gave up pork, beef and eating most fast foods back then too.

My biggest problem is I was brought up to not trust people so I've always tended to be a loner. Sadly, this makes my life feel very lonely. I don't open up right away until I feel comfortable with individuals this also tends to get in the way of meeting people spontaneously.

My situation is crazy: The guys I know tell me I have it made and assume I have no problem meeting women.
On the surface they are right because I'm single, I've think reasonably decent looking and financially secure. I have a home in a good safe community, a car, and any toys I might want (kayaks, camper, four wheeler, bike, hunting and fishing gear, etc).
I mean it's stupid crazy: All I do is go to work and come home to do things around the house. On weekends, do things alone. I haven't been on a vacation in 3 years but have plenty of paid time off and can afford to go anywhere in the world but don't want to go alone.

I think to myself: what a waste! I have all this which I would love to share with someone.
I look at my quiet house with now vacant bedrooms and feel more down when i think of all the women with children or even all the just children who are in this country that don't have a place to stay or food to eat.
This may sound stupid but I imagine how great it would feel to provide for them like I did for my family.

Three years!!?? Wow, no way I could go that long. I usually take several a year. You shouldn't let being single stop you from traveling overseas. I'm in a relationship now with someone who thankfully enjoys travel as much as me, but I still enjoyed trips I did solo a lot.

[Ummagumma]

It's very easy to give advices to others.

I understand how changing one's life in a drastic way can be extremely difficult, if not outright impossible.

Realize that you don't have to marry anymore. Actually, I'd be very wary of jumping into another marriage in your situation.

I'd sell the house, unless you're really attached to it. You don't need a large home. Even if you're in another relationship, you most likely won't have any more kids. A smaller home or a nice 2-bedroom condo will give you something to do, won't remind you of your ex, and some extra money on top.

I'd get a hobby. Volunteering is a great idea. A place to find people who you know have good heart in them.

I'd go on a long vacation. The world is an amazing place and the good ol' US is but a small part of it. I traveled a lot in my life, lived in Europe for several years, these are some of the best memories I have. Perhaps there's a travel group you can find, or a singles tour, or just a mixed tour - you won't be alone, will make friends, and see the world. Can you go with your son and his GF if he has one ? He would surely appreciate that, and this would be a priceless experience for you as well.

And slowly, carefully expose yourself to more people. You won't overcome your trust issues but you will see a good person when you meet one. There's always hope. At the very least, you'll make new friends.

Occupy your life with activities outside of your home. Meet people you like, you don't have to become friends but with some you just might. You don't have to get into relationships but you just might. It' s unhealthy to be inside alone and dwell on things. And at your age, the nice part is, there's no pressure to get married and have kids anyway - you've done this already, it's not like you are going to miss that all important part of a man's life. Enjoy your life the best you can, stay active, don't be alone all the time, and for god sake take these vacations !