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Old 06-05-2015, 11:25 AM
 
Location: Portland, OR
9,855 posts, read 11,899,903 times
Reputation: 10028

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When I started dating online, the first hard lesson I had to learn was just how few of the hundreds of women out there would be interested. I would write to 50 women at a time. Real letters, not just, hey there, you look hawt, one liners. I crafted individual, targeted missives, full of wit, thoughtful commentary on their profiles... ... few ever bothered to write back. Could my odds have been any worse if they knew I had genital herpes? I didn't think so.

My mother and brother both get vicious cold sores from time to time. This has been for as long as I have known them. My whole life, though I don't think either of them have had outbreaks in years. But as a child I remember some of the more serious outbreaks my brother had, going up into his nose! It was a miracle that these truly horrid and extensive sores would then heal without a trace (until the next time), and it remains a miracle that although I kissed my mother on the lips all the time as a child (not my brother) I never so much as had a pimple on my face (till puberty). My mother got my father, of course. And my brother never lacked for girlfriends.

My brother would never knowingly get involved with a woman with genital herpes. Not unlike many of you. You might have the most awful case of Type I herpes known to medical science, but you neither feel obligated to reveal that information to a potential partner, nor does your condition make you any more compassionate towards people with genital herpes even though their outbreaks might be extremely mild or even non-existent. Type I herpes has no stigma whatsoever no matter its severity, Type II has loads of stigma and shame attached no matter its severity. C'est la vie...

This thread was started by a (presumably) herpes free individual. I have seen such threads before. They are offensive. Literally so, in the sense that they were and are, a pre-emptive strike on the worth of people with genital herpes. Feeling like you wouldn't want to date a herpes sufferer is not wrong. Starting a thread about it? Tacky. Expressing the opinion and defending your feelings about it? There really is such a thing as being in poor taste. I mean, who in their right mind, blessed with a non-HSV status would jeopardize it by dating someone known to have it? Several of you have said as much. Who can blame you? Does the question really need to be asked then? Of course not. But it sure does feel good to be able to rub the knowledge into the consciousness of those reading, that you are proudly HSV free and thus off limits to those not so favored. There's probably a name for it, though I can't come up with one. How about mean. I'm not over-weight, but I would never start a thread asking people if they would date someone over-weight. I already know the answer, some will, some won't. The same is true regarding herpes. I lied earlier when I said no non-HSV person would date an HSV positive person. It actually happens all the time. It doesn't seem like it with all the outright lying people do in opinion polls, but out there, between the sheets where real life is being lived its a different story.

Even in the earliest days of OLD. In the midst of all that rejection, there would be the occasional hits. Mostly short term or one night stands but a couple that could be characterized as LTR. You'd be surprised at just how many quality, non-HSV individuals can, and will, go all the way, unprotected even, with someone that has admitted to having the virus. If you are reading this and you have herpes, take it as gospel from one who has been there, life isn't over. 10 years ago when I met my wife, I told her, as I always do any new person, about my STD status. She admitted to having cold sores. I already knew about my immunity to cold sore infection and wasn't worried. She had already been in a relationship with a guy with genital herpes and she didn't catch it. She wasn't worried. If it gets better than that I don't need to know about it. FWIW.
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Old 06-05-2015, 07:03 PM
miu
 
Location: MA/NH
17,765 posts, read 40,091,372 times
Reputation: 18071
Genital herpes would be a deal breaker to me, but that's because I don't have it. However, plenty of people do have it, so they should just date within their group.
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Old 06-05-2015, 08:09 PM
 
Location: Portland, OR
9,855 posts, read 11,899,903 times
Reputation: 10028
Why do you care what two consenting adults want to do with their own bodies?
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Old 06-05-2015, 08:17 PM
miu
 
Location: MA/NH
17,765 posts, read 40,091,372 times
Reputation: 18071
Quote:
Originally Posted by Leisesturm View Post
Why do you care what two consenting adults want to do with their own bodies?
I only care about my own consenting body. So for me, no to anyone with genital herpes.

And the same goes for cigarette smokers. I don't smoke cigarettes, so I refuse to date a man who smokes cigarettes.
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Old 06-05-2015, 08:28 PM
 
Location: Portland, OR
9,855 posts, read 11,899,903 times
Reputation: 10028
Quote:
Originally Posted by miu View Post
I only care about my own consenting body. So for me, no to anyone with genital herpes.

And the same goes for cigarette smokers. I don't smoke cigarettes, so I refuse to date a man who smokes cigarettes.
Cool, but that's not what you said. You implied such people should date within their own group because you aren't interested. You have to know that not everyone feels the same way you do...
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Old 06-05-2015, 10:37 PM
 
2,449 posts, read 2,588,524 times
Reputation: 5702
So Leisesturm, did you meet your wife via OLD?
[SIZE=3][/SIZE]
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Old 06-07-2015, 01:44 AM
 
Location: Portland, OR
9,855 posts, read 11,899,903 times
Reputation: 10028
Yes.
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Old 06-08-2015, 07:29 AM
 
745 posts, read 798,246 times
Reputation: 694
Quote:
Originally Posted by Leisesturm View Post
Cool, but that's not what you said. You implied such people should date within their own group because you aren't interested. You have to know that not everyone feels the same way you do...
Most people would not willingly put their bodies at risk to get an incurable disease...

If you are crazy enough to do so, fine... but know you are in the minority and it's crazy of you to look down on those wishing to remain disease free
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Old 06-08-2015, 07:46 AM
 
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,938 posts, read 36,838,343 times
Reputation: 40634
Quote:
Originally Posted by VanHalen5150 View Post
Most people would not willingly put their bodies at risk to get an incurable disease...

If you are crazy enough to do so, fine... but know you are in the minority and it's crazy of you to look down on those wishing to remain disease free

Well, then don't have sex. Because unless you're a kid born in the HPV vaccine age and were vaccinated, there is no way to avoid some risk while having sex. Heck, even then there is pretty much no way to avoid some risk and have sex. With sex, comes risk, virtually without exception.
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Old 06-08-2015, 07:59 AM
 
745 posts, read 798,246 times
Reputation: 694
Quote:
Originally Posted by timberline742 View Post
Well, then don't have sex. Because unless you're a kid born in the HPV vaccine age and were vaccinated, there is no way to avoid some risk while having sex. Heck, even then there is pretty much no way to avoid some risk and have sex. With sex, comes risk, virtually without exception.
HPV really does not affect men, so I don't really care. Herpes is what I am getting at... or AIDS or something like that
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