if she/he says he has genital herpes... deal breaker? (dates, woman)
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Yes. You would be exposing yourself to a life long condition. Unless you are older, and know this is the last relationship you'll ever have....thank him for being upfront and honest and walk away.
Otherwise, you'll be having to disclose this to every future relationship too.
Link Genital Herpes - HSV-1 & 2 - WebMD: Symptoms, Treatments, Causes, Transmission, and Tests
So, what most of you are saying is that people with herpes should lie.
I do not have it, myself, but I've had friends (platonic ones) who did. And a few relatives.
I absolutely get being concerned about transmission of HSV (both varieties), but few people freak out over dating someone with a cold sore. Which is weird because they can absolutely give you it via oral sex. Even while they're asymptomatic.
And, some people with cold sores have HSV-2, while some people with genital sores actually have HSV-1.
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Redzin - that is what's most interesting... the statistics say that at least 1 in 7 sexually active adults in the US have this STD (some stats are 1 in 6 or 1 in 5 even), yet it is the experience of my friend that each person she's told (in excess of 7 others), claim not to have it nor to know someone with it (and neither do I know anyone close to me who's admitted it). So what is the truth? Are people lying, unaware, the statistics wrong? In any case I am most curious of hearing from people who are uninfected yet in relationships with those who are infected so as to ascertain to what they owe their apparent immunity?
Yes it is a deal breaker! I am now almost 55 and at 29 was r***d. He left me a parting gift of warts. Had cryosurgery (which was horrible) but thankfully, no problems since.
This scenario happened to me. A really cute guy too. He openly admitted after our *first* date he has herpes. It was a total deal breaker for me after I learned that he could have zero sores present, yet be shedding the virus and infect me. Again, yes total deal breaker - run!
LOL. Chances are you already have it. Unless you stop having sex with anybody from this point on, you WILL get it because condom doesn't stop it.
"genital herpes infection is common in the United States. Nationwide, 45 million people ages 12 and older, or one out of five of the total adolescent and adult population, is infected with HSV-2.
HSV-2 infection is more common in women (approximately one out of four women) than in men (almost one out of five). This may be because male to female transmission is more efficient than female to male transmission. HSV-2 infection is also more common in blacks (45.9%) than in whites (17.6%)."
Not a dealbreaker necessarily. 1) Are they willing to let me take the lead in terms of how our sexual relationship progresses? And 2) How do they respond to treatment?
Herpes-suppressant medications can be amazingly effective when they work, from what I've read. But I've also heard they can come with side effects.
Look, from my perspective, I rarely meet people I would want to have a relationship with. If I met one such person and they were honest right off the bat about having herpes, that would be really a thing to respect. I would not walk away from him right off the bat knowing that the odds were pretty decent that the next guy I was with would have herpes and either not know it or be lying about it. There are A LOT of people who have it out there.
I know three women who dated men with HSV-2 infections and had long-term sexual relationships with them and did not know the men were infected while they were together. Two of the men were on HSV-suppressing drugs and did not transmit the disease (the women found out other ways). The third man was not on HSV-suppressing drugs and didn't have an outbreak, but still transmitted it to my friend.
I have a genetic predisposition towards diabetes, so I am very wary about getting HSV-2. Something that causes open sores in a warm, moist, bacteria-laden environment is not a good mix with diabetes, in particular. But if a guy I really liked was respectful of my boundaries, diligent about his medication and had a history of little to no outbreaks, I would be open to seeing where things went.
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