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You're that guy! The guy who says it's not appropriate for me to have friends of the opposite sex. I was born at night, but not last night. I know that there are any number of my guy friends would jump me in a heartbeat, and have even come right out and admitted it, or alluded to it with sexual innuendo. Though some didn't want to "just" be friends, the majority have stuck around and remain friends with me even after they they figured out that I meant what I said about being friends. Guys have been hitting on me since I was 15 and I've been "played" more than once. For the past 5 years I've worked as an airline reservations agent and have been hit on or propositioned in English, Spanish , French, German, (and maybe some languages that I don't speak). Lol
I can understand why a committed b/f wouldn't be comfortable with his g/f having guy friends and this is exactly why I am not interested in a LTR with ANYONE. ( at this Time in my life). When I do decide to make that leap... I'd be willing to revisit my stance on my guy friends.
And please.. Do not confuse my being naive with his being insecure, jealous, controlling and mistrusting.
Last edited by Sydney123; 06-07-2015 at 08:21 PM..
You're that guy! The guy who says it's not appropriate for me to have friends of the opposite sex. I was born at night, but not last night. I know that there are any number of my guy friends would jump me in a heartbeat, and have even come right out and admitted it, or alluded to it with sexual innuendo. Though some didn't want to "just" be friends, the majority have stuck around and remain friends with me even after they they figured out that I meant what I said about being friends. Guys have been hitting on me since I was 15 and I've been "played" more than once. For the past 5 years I've worked as an airline reservations agent and have been hit on or propositioned in English, Spanish , French, German, (and maybe some languages that I don't speak). Lol
I can understand why a committed b/f wouldn't be comfortable with his g/f having guy friends and this is exactly why I am not interested in a LTR with ANYONE. ( at this Time in my life). When I do decide to make that leap... I'd be willing to revisit my stance on my guy friends.
And please.. Do not confuse my being naive with his being insecure, jealous, controlling and mistrusting.
I don't exactly agree with with what the person above you said, but I just had this conversation with a date I had this evening. She has a guy friend that she goes and watches movies with about twice a month. She has already told him that it's strictly platonic and he agreed at the time. A group of them met up on Friday night, with the said friend, and she told him that she was going out on a date with me on Sunday. Her exact words, "After telling him, he looked like a sad puppy dog". That's all I need to know about SOME (keyword some) opposite sex friends.
We talked about it over our date this afternoon and I told her that I personally don't have many female friends like that, because it's pointless if I'm in a dating mindset. The same thing has seemed to always be true for the women too. They're cool with a lot of male friendships till they meet that special guy, and then all their time is allocated to him. I call it a "suckers bet" unless you have been friends for years.
Friendships are fun, but when you're actively wanting to date, they don't work out all that well at all. They can quickly become a distraction, because in many instances someone likes the other person more than just a friend.
I'm always glad for the people that can make those friendships work, but I just don't think it's a path I really want to venture down. On my date, I didn't say anything about what she needed to do. I think deep down she already knew how he felt about her. She just felt bad because there was never going to be a spark for him with her, yet he was likely willing to wait around and hope it happened. Women only play the naive card, because they may actually enjoy that person's company, even though they want nothing to do with them romantically.
I don't exactly agree with with what the person above you said, but I just had this conversation with a date I had this evening. She has a guy friend that she goes and watches movies with about twice a month. She has already told him that it's strictly platonic and he agreed at the time. A group of them met up on Friday night, with the said friend, and she told him that she was going out on a date with me on Sunday. Her exact words, "After telling him, he looked like a sad puppy dog". That's all I need to know about SOME (keyword some) opposite sex friends.
We talked about it over our date this afternoon and I told her that I personally don't have many female friends like that, because it's pointless if I'm in a dating mindset. The same thing has seemed to always be true for the women too. They're cool with a lot of male friendships till they meet that special guy, and then all their time is allocated to him. I call it a "suckers bet" unless you have been friends for years.
Friendships are fun, but when you're actively wanting to date, they don't work out all that well at all. They can quickly become a distraction, because in many instances someone likes the other person more than just a friend.
I'm always glad for the people that can make those friendships work, but I just don't think it's a path I really want to venture down. On my date, I didn't say anything about what she needed to do. I think deep down she already knew how he felt about her. She just felt bad because there was never going to be a spark for him with her, yet he was likely willing to wait around and hope it happened. Women only play the naive card, because they may actually enjoy that person's company, even though they want nothing to do with them romantically.
Yeah exactly, guys actually understand how that (doesn't) work(s). It's just not a good idea. I had a number of girl friends as a single guy - all of whom I was interested in at one point. They mostly got jealous too when I was with a girl so I ditched them fast.
Yeah exactly, guys actually understand how that (doesn't) work(s). It's just not a good idea. I had a number of girl friends as a single guy - all of whom I was interested in at one point. They mostly got jealous too when I was with a girl so I ditched them fast.
I don't always say that's the right answer, but the one answer that always comes up is...... What do you want more right now? Your friendship or your relationship? How you answer that question tells you a lot about where that person is. With my experience with women, if they cared about the men they were with, they weren't going to compromise that relationship at all. If they were on the fence or wavering, I found them to entertain offers of old flings, prior lovers, and potential new friendships to cloud their judgement. That's likely because she's not happy in the first place.
I don't always say that's the right answer, but the one answer that always comes up is...... What do you want more right now? Your friendship or your relationship? How you answer that question tells you a lot about where that person is. With my experience with women, if they cared about the men they were with, they weren't going to compromise that relationship at all. If they were on the fence or wavering, I found them to entertain offers of old flings, prior lovers, and potential new friendships to cloud their judgement. That's likely because she's not happy in the first place.
Good point! It wasn't any sacrifice for either of us to ditch old casual friends of the opposite gender. We each ended up with new Facebook accounts because we wanted smaller lists full of just close friends and family and whatnot.
Good point! It wasn't any sacrifice for either of us to ditch old casual friends of the opposite gender. We each ended up with new Facebook accounts because we wanted smaller lists full of just close friends and family and whatnot.
I'd think you two were more of the extreme, but I do think people go through their facebooks and cellphone contacts to clear out the unnecessary drama. I wouldn't be creating new accounts, but I see why you did it. At the end of the day it's about nothing more then where you have set your values at. If it's your relationship and keeping as much drama out as possible, then you're going to do what you can to keep things at ease. I don't like drama within my relationships at all, so once I sense that the person is making decisions that are highly stressful, I just let them go. There's no harm and there's no foul.
It's not about wanting to control the other person, but I'm not going to tell them that they don't need to have that drama in their life. If it's something they want all I can do is address my feelings on the matter and let them make the decision. I usually just sit back and gauge how the handle life the next few weeks ahead. I wouldn't call it testing, but I would call it seeing if they'll hang themselves on their own accord.
It's not about wanting to control the other person, but I'm not going to tell them that they don't need to have that drama in their life. If it's something they want all I can do is address my feelings on the matter and let them make the decision. I usually just sit back and gauge how the handle life the next few weeks ahead. I wouldn't call it testing, but I would call it seeing if they'll hang themselves on their own accord.
Most of the drama that I encountered came from guys I dated that weren't comfortable with my having guys friends.
However I do agree that if someone "is" in a committed relationship, spending time solo with a guy friend wouldn't be appropriate. Now if he wanted me to drop my guy friends completely.. We'd have to talk.
Anyone who cannot find and keep a friend of the opposite sex is the one with the problem.
It is possible, it happens everyday and friendships like that can and do last for years.
I have had the same male friends for more than 25 years with no romantic or intimate involvement.
Mr. CSD has had the same female friends for more than 30 years with no romantic or intimate involvement.
Personally if anyone tells me I have to give up my male friends because they don't like that I have male friends, they will be out of the door and my life faster than the wind blows.
No one tells me who I can and cannot talk to, have dinner with, be friends with or anything else with.
If you want to control someone, control yourself and keep your jealous, controlling possessive tendencies contained.
Anyone who cannot find and keep a friend of the opposite sex is the one with the problem.
It is possible, it happens everyday and friendships like that can and do last for years.
I have had the same male friends for more than 25 years with no romantic or intimate involvement.
Mr. CSD has had the same female friends for more than 30 years with no romantic or intimate involvement.
Personally if anyone tells me I have to give up my male friends because they don't like that I have male friends, they will be out of the door and my life faster than the wind blows.
No one tells me who I can and cannot talk to, have dinner with, be friends with or anything else with.
If you want to control someone, control yourself and keep your jealous, controlling possessive tendencies contained.
I'm not saying anyone needs to give up male friends either. I'm saying listen to how your friend responds to finding out you're going on a date or you have a new boyfriend. A platonic friend will want to hear about the person and be happy for you. The person that likes you more than a friend, likely doesn't want to hear about the person at all.
I haven't had many platonic friendships, even though I do have them. Most of them had been my buddies girlfriends, because it always worked out that way. Some people voice opinions, because they may see something in the friendship that you don't see. I've had girlfriends voice opinions of a couple of female friendships I had in the past as well. It's a case by case situation.
Anyone who cannot find and keep a friend of the opposite sex is the one with the problem.
Personally if anyone tells me I have to give up my male friends because they don't like that I have male friends, they will be out of the door and my life faster than the wind blows.
No one tells me who I can and cannot talk to, have dinner with, be friends with or anything else with.
If you want to control someone, control yourself and keep your jealous, controlling possessive tendencies contained.
Exactly. My best friend is male and I've always had good male friends with whom nothing romantic has ever happened. One of them and I flirt shamelessly with each other all the time - when we're both single. It's harmless fun between two people who like and respect each other but are looking for something else when it comes to a romantic partner.
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