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most people when they meet someone, or two people, on a weekend don't make pro and con lists. They go out with the person they felt more attracted to and had better chemistry with. I didn't say anything about characteristics or traits, I said chemistry. Attraction isn't about a list, it is about a feeling.
And guess what it takes to CHOSE someone or how that chemistry starts. You see things in the other person that you find attractive and it goes from there. There are certain traits/characteristics commonly known to attract men and women to the opposite sex. Basic psychology that can't be denied.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Originally Posted by onihC
And guess what it takes to CHOSE someone or how that chemistry starts. You see things in the other person that you find attractive and it goes from there. There are certain traits/characteristics commonly known to attract men and women to the opposite sex. Basic psychology that can't be denied.
I don't have to guess. I know. A conversation. That's where chemistry starts between two people. A simple conversation and everything goes from there. I'm out at a show, a bar, a street festival, the bus stop and we talk.
It's not a paycheck, or car, or a nice house. It's a conversation.
Since you're so into hypothetical scenarios, I'll take you up on the "just met some people on the weekend you're thinking of dating" scenario. Met some guys on the weekend. One's a lawyer (cha-chingggg!) in wills and probate. *yaaaawnnnn* Boring, stuffed-shirt type. Tallish, good-looking, but who cares? Enjoys the symphony and opera.
The other one's Timberline: balding with glasses (as he's so often told us), maybe 5'8" on a good day, working for, let's say, a non-profit devoted to supporting girls' education in developing countries as a strategy to stimulate economic development and to fight sex trafficking. Knows 3 foreign languages, as he's required to travel to supervise the organization's projects.
Who do you think I'll choose to spend a weekend afternoon, with an option to extend into evening, with?
You already said that the lawyer is boring and has other characteristics you don't like. That just eliminates him unless you had other motives. Not the same scenario I presented where BOTH guy A and B are fun, nice, attractive, gentlemen, etc. but guy B simply has a more attractive job, higher economic status, etc. It's obvious who you would accept to take you out.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth
Since you're so into hypothetical scenarios, I'll take you up on the "just met some people on the weekend you're thinking of dating" scenario. Met some guys on the weekend. One's a lawyer (cha-chingggg!) in wills and probate. *yaaaawnnnn* Boring, stuffed-shirt type. Tallish, good-looking, but who cares? Enjoys the symphony and opera, and fine dining. Drives a Lexus.
The other one's Timberline: balding with glasses (as he's so often told us), maybe 5'8" on a good day, working for, let's say, a marginally-funded non-profit devoted to supporting girls' education in developing countries as a strategy to stimulate economic development and to fight sex trafficking. Knows 3 foreign languages, as he's required to travel to supervise the organization's projects. Drives a used Honda Civic (not that I could tell he bought it used), and likes cheap but exotic cuisine: Thai, Hunan, Indian.
Who do you think I'd choose to spend a weekend afternoon, with an option to extend into evening, with?
It saddens me that you really believe this to be true of women in general
Quote:
Originally Posted by onihC
You already said that the lawyer is boring and has other characteristics you don't like. That just eliminates him unless you had other motives. Not the same scenario I presented where BOTH guy A and B are fun, nice, attractive, gentlemen, etc. but guy B simply has a more attractive job, higher economic status, etc. It's obvious who you would accept to take you out.
You already said that the lawyer is boring and has other characteristics you don't like. That just eliminates him unless you had other motives. Not the same scenario I presented where BOTH guy A and B are fun, nice, attractive, gentlemen, etc. but guy B simply has a more attractive job, higher economic status, etc. It's obvious who you would accept to take you out.
You didn't present that scenario. You said nothing about both being fun. OK, lets make the lawyer fun, not boring, though still in wills and probate. I'd still prefer Timberline, though I might give the lawyer a try, at least, because of the upbeat personality. That's always worth something. But it would be clear from the start that there would be more potential for interesting conversation with Timberline. I might be proven wrong in that assessment (lawyer could turn out to have fascinating hobbies or travel experiences, whatever), but from a superficial meet-and-greet, I'd still lean toward Timberline, even if the lawyer were better looking, and had a better cha-chinggg factor.
So as you can see, it's not at all "obvious" who I'd pick, if both offered to take me out. Status means nothing. I'd be irresistibly drawn to Timberline and his interesting work, plus his dedication to making the world a better place. No contest. Bye-bye, cha-chingg. Maybe the guy with the stronger income (who's also fun and good-looking) would be in my better interest long-term, but I'd be irresistibly drawn to the international non-profit guy, in spite of that.
I have always found guys to care less what you do for a living or how much you make. I think guys SHOULD care about that.
I think anyone, male or female, should care about whether or not a potential partner is financially solvent and responsible with money. I don't think that's the same as caring deeply about what one does for a living and how much the person makes. It has more to do with whether they are able to be comfortable living within their means, whatever those means are.
I'm a pretty frugal, simple person in this department, who has always adjusted my lifestyle to fit my income as needed, because I typically am happiest in a particular type of job that comes with a fairly variable paycheck (human services, typically nonprofit). Because my desires and priorities in a career dictate the amount of money I expect to earn, I also choose a lifestyle that matches this projected income level. I don't care what a guy does or makes as long as he is happy with his chosen life path and lives within his means. If he loves being an inner city parochial school teacher making subsistence level peanuts (as my spouse was for years), more power to him. I would imagine that he would then live a lifestyle that is realistically accomplishable on this income, versus going into psycho debt living well past his means. Likewise, I would expect that anybody who is interested in me notes that I DO live my life in a way that is consistent with the income bracket in which I have willingly put myself. It's worked out well.
I have dated guys who looked down on my career choice because it didn't provide an income that fit their idea of what was comfortable or prestigious. That's cool...it serves the important purpose of illustrating fundamental incompatibility, which is important to know.
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It saddens me that you really believe this to be true of women in general
But its not a bad thing for women to be attracted to the man who has a higher economic status than the one who lives with the parents, has an economic status way below them, and so on. I am not sure why women feel bad about this. Guys also have other interests initially when meeting a woman. Psychological differences among the genders. That's all.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth
Maybe the guy with the stronger income (who's also fun and good-looking) would be in my better interest long-term, but I'd be irresistibly drawn to the international non-profit guy, in spite of that.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by onihC
But its not a bad thing for women to be attracted to the man who has a higher economic status than the one who lives with the parents, has an economic status way below them, and so on. I am not sure why women feel bad about this. Guys also have other interests initially when meeting a woman. Psychological differences among the genders. That's all.
Which people go off on here, but I don't see in real life. Everyone seeks someone they're attracted to, communicate well with, makes them laugh and makes them happy. Both genders are exactly the same in what they're looking for from what I can tell.
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